THE XANON CHRONICLES-I

The Xanon Chronicles

An Autobiographical Account Of Donn Ui’Midir, also known as Vergil Xanon: Irish Psychopomp

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Written by Donn Ui’Midir/Vergil Xanon

Some Poetry by ‘Stef Shannon’ and Thanatos

Illustrations by Morgan O’Conner

This tale is mostly fiction. Things in the world are not as I wrote about them, but it worked for the plot line. There are things that did happen regarding the lives of some of my characters, but let us leave it to the imaginations of the readers of this tale to figure out what was and wasn’t, not that any of it matters.

This fifteen-volume set is one story. Granted it’s not laid out in a typical fashion, but since when was I ever typical? Have fun!

The Xanon Chronicles:

Volume #1: What Revelation Never Told You

Volume #2: Stefan

Volume #3: Life with Thanatos

Volume #4: The White City

Volume #5: The Second Time Around

Volume #6: The Akashic Castle

Volume #7: Warren

Volume #8: Azrael

Volume #9: Our Demented Poetry Collection

Volume #10: A Lot of Love, A Little Hate, A Little Philosophy, and A Few Questions

Volume #11:The Gate Keepers’ Archives #1

Volume #12: The Gate Keepers’ Archives #2

Volume #13: The Gate Keepers’ Archives #3

Volume #14: The Gate Keepers’ Archives #4

Volume #15: Closure

My Genetic Line

Danu - Bile

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Eochaid Ollathair - I Don't Wanna Talk About It

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Midir - Fuamnach

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Donn

♣ Danu - Primordial Earth Goddess.

♣ Bile - Primordial Underworld God.

♣ Eochaid - The Good God! Just, Knowledgeable, Lusty, Good At Everything He Did.

♣ Midir - Called Midir The Proud. Almost As Good Looking as Me , Lady's Man, Hedonistic, Haughty, Misprioritised.

♣ Fuamnach – Incredibly Gorgeous, Possessive, Intelligent, Her Way Or The Highway Type O’ Haggersnash, But I Loved Her, Anyway.

♣ Donn – Gate Keeper, Intellectual, Artistic, Confused.

The Xanon Chronicles

Volume One:

X

WHAT REVELATION NEVER TOLD YOU

Introduction

Part 1

First off, I can’t really write about my reality. I exist outside of time, my existence is not sequential, I don’t communicate much with words; English is not my language of choice when I do, but I suppose I have to use it to reach a wider audience. I mean how many people speak Irish Gaelic? I’ll have to write in such a way, so I can translate the occurrences I wish to convey in such a way that they can be written of; so much of this tale will fall in the realm of psychotic, anachronistic phantasy. Enjoy!

Some names have been changed to protect the guilty!

* * *

I am Donn, of the myths of Eire. My father is Midir; a Faerie king, and my mother is Fuamnach; a beautiful, magically powerful, treacherous, very jealous natured, red-haired Faerie queen, and that makes me of the Tuatha de Danaan.

I love both my mother and my father dearly. Though my mother put my father and his “true” soul mate; Etain, through absolute Hell, she’d always treated me with the greatest of kindness. I also loved Etain. I’ve never met a gentler soul. Etain never spoke one word against my mother to the day I write this, despite what Fuamnach put her through, having slapped her upside, changed her into a pool of water, and then a worm (larva), which was to become the beautiful crimson fly she was at the period of time I write of now.

* * *

One night, I snuck out of the cottage where my parents were having the argument of their life, and ran to the stables for the colt my grandfather had given me. My grandfather was Eochaid Ollathair, also known as The Dagda. The colt was a beautiful Arabian-Connemara pony. He had a vivid golden coat, a silver mane and tail, four white socks, a white star on his forehead, and I silvered his hooves. He stood at just short of fourteen hands, and he was called Hesper. I wasn’t the one who gave him the alien name. That was my grandfather’s doing.

In my dysfunctional household, that animal brought me peace. I spent more time with him, than anyone. I often walked him to the orchards, and I’d pick peaches, and plums, and apricots, and various bramble berries, provided they were in season, and I’d share them with him as we communed in our own way.

I haven’t ridden him yet. I intended to wait until he was four, though I knew he wouldn’t mind if it were sooner. I thought of him as a friend, and not a service beast. I often slept with him, finding it warmer in the hay pressed against the pony, under the same blanket; than in the cottage, or the castle of Bri Leith, or whatever home we stayed in at the time. Of course Hesper was hand raised, and he preferred my company to that of other equines.

I found the volatile nature that my parents’ relationship had attained since my father had met Etain quite disturbing. I was a sensitive young lad of seventeen, with an artistic bent and philosophical nature. Unlike my father and grandfather, the warrior’s life wasn’t for me; and being the slight runt that I was, I suppose it was good that I had a choice in the matter. I found violence of any sort very distasteful, and I wanted no part of it. I couldn’t even kill an animal for food, though I did eat meat and wear leather. Vinyl hadn’t been invented yet, and my mother explained long ago that the carcass of an animal was simply that! An empty carcass! The soul of the creature had gone off to Tir na nOg, and was better off there anyway. That made me ask the question of why, then, everyone just didn’t commit suicide. The answer I got, was (paraphrased slightly), “You gotta live to die, kiddo.” That answer sent me running to my grandfather.

The Dagda explained to me that once there was The One. In exploration of Itself, The One became Many. Eventually, a disharmony came into being with The One True Soul, and all Its parts, and now all Its parts have to evolve and re-learn what they really are, so they can re-integrate with The One. Grandfather told me life was like entering a labyrinth, and death was like exiting that labyrinth, provided one learned his or her lessons from that life. If they didn’t learn those lessons, one was still in the centre of the maze. That was for animals, and regular people though. Not usually for the likes of us, for we didn’t die unless we were killed under the wrong set of circumstances; whatever that meant. We weren’t bound by the limitations of man, either. Our abilities far surpassed them.

The Dagda said I had, a few times, been born a person in the past, but after having been born to Midir and Fuamnach, I would never naturally die again, though again; I could be killed under the right, or should I say wrong, conditions. I was eight when we had this talk. I could not conceive of anyone wanting to kill me, nor did I truly ‘grok’ the concept of “regular person”. No one had ever explained to me the difference between the Tuatha and the mortals. I thought that everyone except animals lived forever, unless they were killed.

“Were the Fir Bolg and Fomors regular people?” I asked my grandfather. I had some knowledge of Irish history, and it was a question that I was simply inclined to ask for no particular reason, since it wouldn’t explain to me what a regular person was.

“The Fir Bolg were. They were from the South. Greece. Most inhabitants on this Earth are born, start to deteriorate at a very young age, and die to go on to a new body.”

“They just die? Like Eavan?” I asked, mentioning my mother’s former cat.

“Exactly like Eavan.” He knew better than to tell me that Etain, who my father had actually taken as a second wife, would die.

That blew me away. I needed to ask no further questions. Grandfather simply explained what was the human race. A pitiful race, I thought, with so many limitations and shortcomings. Still not knowing Etain was mortal, I thought statistically then, that they were somehow a lower life form, and grandfather had to straighten me out. It’s just that The Veil was a bit thicker for most of them, he told me. They were different, but they were part of the same Source that we were part of, so we were all equal. Everything was part of the same Source, so nothing was better than anything else.

Now, back to the there-then of when I was seventeen.

It was a cool evening, and I figured I’d be home before daybreak, though I’d probably be sleeping with Hesper in the stables of the summer cottage. The tension in the household was more than I could bear at times like this. As I put my hand on Hesper’s neck, I suddenly heard a mental voice in my head that sounded like my mother. “I’M GOING TO KILL THAT BITCH, IF IT’S THE LAST THING I DO!!!!!” The vehemence was overpowering, and I flinched at the ‘unspoken’ shout.

Hesper nickered in concern.

“Did you hear that, too?” I asked him.

The two-year old colt gently nosed my cheek. I grew very concerned, very fast. I wondered if I should go back to the cottage. What could I do, though? When my mother was in a volatile mood, she’d listen to no one, and father would reluctantly be pulled into these pointless, repetitive shouting matches, though except for in self-defence of perhaps blocking a slap, father would not lay a hand on Fuamnach. For all his victorious exploits on the battlefields, my father would not risk injuring his first wife. He never even blamed her for her rage, since before his infidelity; their relationship had been just fine. He’d be getting away from her until she calmed down. If only Fuamnach wasn’t so possessive. If only Midir hadn’t been a two timing philanderer with Etain. Oh well! What’s happened has happened, and there’s no changing it. I wasn’t too sure I’d ever get into a romantic relationship because of all this, but who knows what the future may hold. Not many of us have Akashic Library Cards.

A chill went through me, and I hugged Hesper. “Ye gods, this is a bad one,” I whispered. “I wonder if we should go see grandfather.” He was my other source of stability.

Hesper scraped his teeth on my right shoulder. We could read each other’s moods, and if we wanted to convey something to each other, we’d send a mental picture. That was how one communicated with animals. They thought in direct, concrete thoughts, not with abstract sentence structure, and Hesper was doing an excellent job of comforting me with his snorts, light nibbles, and nickers.

I was unnerved, confused, and didn’t know what to do. I led Hesper away from the stables, and toward a favourite spot of mine about a mile away…an oak grove by a stream. Before I got very far, I heard hoof beats, and when I looked, I saw my mother take off on her black mare. I mentally freaked.

I dropped my plans and ran back to the cottage, with Hesper easily trotting along at my side. When I went in, Siofra, one of the stewardesses of this residence, was wiping the remains of a dinner up from the floor. Neither of my parents were there.

“You’re mother’s a ball of fire, Donn.”

So you noticed. “Father left, too?”

“He left first. Fuamnach ended up throwing her meal at the wall after he walked out. Don’t know where he went, but I didn’t like the sound of your mother. I think she’s going after what’s left of Etain.”

I looked up to the ceiling. “And everyone asks me why I don’t have a lass friend?”

“With someone as pretty as you, it’s a surprise.”

“If I meet someone like Etain, I’m hers forever, but those types of women are rare. Most of them terrify me.”

Siofra raised her left eyebrow, and tilted her head to the right. “As a lad your age, I’m surprised you can spurn all those pretties who’re after you. Legends of your beauty go from Derry to Cork.”

I tensed up and clenched my teeth. It wasn’t always easy, but for me, what I thought was common sense ruled over my sometimes overly assertive hormones. Considering what I had to live with, one shouldn’t be too surprised. Being Irish did not necessarily mean one had to give in to all one’s impulses and passions, though I think some of my relatives would be justified in debating me there. I didn’t like talking about this aspect of my life, which sometimes drove me mad. I narrowed my eyes, and with a slightly hostile look and exasperated tone, I said, “Some things override even lust, Siofra. Now, I think we have a major problem on our hands, and I’m powerless to do anything but wait.”

“Perhaps you should study your mother’s craft.”

“Perhaps one day I shall.” I hesitated for a few seconds, as it occurred to me that I could use this moment to my advantage in a completely unrelated way. “Now, do you promise not to tell my parents if I let Hesper in the house, and can you make him a pot of oatmeal, while I cut up some apples for it?”

“I’ll help you move the stew cauldron from the fire. If he...”

“I’ll clean it up, but he won’t!”

What is it they say? If life hands you lemons, make lemonade? Something like that! My concern for my parents had not diminished, but it was a good time to spoil my best friend some more. Alexander? Bucephalus? EAT YOUR HEARTS OUT!

If it hadn’t been for Hesper, I’d be certifiable by now.

Introduction

Part 2

A week later, both Midir and the Dagda rode back to the cottage. I was kicked back with my artwork, expecting my mother and father back in an uneasy truce any day now. I did not expect my father with my grandfather. Something was wrong, desperately wrong! I was drawing a picture of Hesper in ink when they came through the door, and their unexpected arrival raised my adrenaline. Midir said, “Donn, we’re going to Bri Leith. Saddle Fintan...” he paused to sniff the air. “Aren’t you a little old to be bringing a horse into this...oh, never mind. Saddle Fintan, and pack your vitals. We’re going home.”

“Where’s mother?”

Midir and the Dagda looked at each other, and their thoughts were broadcast to me as bright as day. I knew! They didn’t have to tell me.

I engaged in the proper Irish histrionics for the occasion. I fell to my knees, I yelled “Ye gods, NOOOOOOOOO!” and I burst out in tears. Looking back on it, it seems pretty silly; but at the time, I was truly devastated.

My father bent down and embraced me. “Your mother destroyed Aengus Og’s protection of Etain, and Aengus killed her.”

I couldn’t say anything. I was too busy wailing.

Midir pressed me to him, and caressed my long gold-red hair. “I didn’t want this. I couldn’t prevent it. It had to happen eventually. Your mother was becoming more and more vicious. I...I wish I’d met Etain first.”

And I had to admit it! I’d rather have had Etain for a mother. Who wouldn’t? Not that I would have necessarily still been the son of Midir, or would I? Some say we chose our parents before birth. I really had to look into that one day. I hugged my father back. I still couldn’t talk, though I’d have to blow my nose pretty soon.

The Dagda knelt beside me and said to my father, “I think it’s time to show Donn what The Records say he is meant to be,” as he put his hand on my shoulder.

“I believe you’re right. He certainly doesn’t deserve this.”

“Wha...wha...what...” The records? My Akashic Records? I inhaled my snot before it dribbled down my face. Grandfather immediately handed me a kerchief, which I used with gusto. “What are you saying?” I asked my grandfather.

The Dagda smiled. “Forget saddling your riding horse. Forget everything. We’re going to the Otherworld!”

“Tir na nOg?” Would my mother even be there? Was I being taken to see her? I hoped so.

“Hades! You are going to meet one of your counterparts.”

What the hell? “One of my counterparts?”

“Thanatos!”

“Death?????!!!!!!!” My mind reeled.

The Dagda took my hands, and my world dissolved.

* * *

I was suddenly on a pleasant tiered hill, with many olive trees. It was a bright place, and not what you’d expect if you hadn’t been to Hades yet. There were many parts to the Greek world of the dead, and they weren’t all dark and desolate.

At least I got in for free without having to pay Charon a silver coin to cross the Acheron.

In front of me, in a girded loincloth and cross garter sandals, stood a pale, raven-haired, ebony-eyed youth who, from the prettiness of his clean-shaven face could have been quite an attractive young lady as well. He had beautiful androgynous features and a well muscled, but slender build. I had that in common with him, though not much more. He had curved sensuous lips, a classic Greek nose, high cheekbones, and his eyebrows were artistically arched. He came and stood before me, and without a word, put his right hand up in front of him, with fingers and thumb forward. I instinctively touched fingertips with him, and again my world was turned downside up.

I wasn’t on the Etheric Plane any more. (Tir na nOg, Hades, Niflheim, Hunting Ground, Eden...etc. are all Etheric. They weren’t Astral. The Astral Levels are too far removed from Earth to look anything like it.) I was suddenly formless. Then, before I knew it, I had been absorbed by the other entity of Thanatos, and with this came most of the knowledge, habits, and life memories of this other being. It was also the cause of an ecstasy that I never felt before, and would never feel again. I felt a complete peace, unconditional love and contentment. Though he kept some things from me that I wasn't ready to know, almost all the questions I ever had were answered. I fell completely head over heels for Thanatos, and everything he stood for. I felt as though I had just heard the true definition of the word ‘beauty’, for the first time in my life.

The grandson of Chaos becomes one with the great grandson of Danu, though I had nothing to offer Thanatos by way of knowledge, experience, or anything else. To me, Thanatos was older than time itself, and I was just seventeen, with no memories of my former lives.

Thanatos! He was more a creation of Nyx than her child in the traditional sense. Thanatos was Nyx’s alone; for he had no sire. He was incorruptible. He may as well have been a virgin-borne god. He’d never set foot on the physical plane, despite the fact that he was quite capable of it, with the potential to live it up like the Olympians without all the hardships of the mortals. Though one could eat on the Etheric Plane, it wasn’t necessary, and he chose not to do it. He would sacrifice no living thing for the sake of hedonism, which is all the concept of eating was on the Etheric Levels. No vegetable would find its life stream interrupted for him, and certainly no animal would either. He was a spurner of sacrifices, direct, truthful and self-contained. He was a one-entity welcoming committee for the newly ‘dead’, guiding them to where they belonged. He was also a counsellor for would-be-nearly-not-quite-successful attempted suicides, generally talking the “cases” into agreeing to finish up their appointed “contract time.” I felt like I’d just met an angel.

I was taught about myself, as well. It opened my eyes to what it was to be of the Tuatha de Danaan. We weren’t of Earth herself, though we were connected to her. We were innately Etheric, though we could switch Planes at will, up to the High Astrals. I could now do it by myself, without anyone else’s help. We had to learn our abilities. Though there tended to be a few rule breakers amongst us, most of us didn’t just spontaneously come into our higher powers. With the merging, I was fortunate enough to have all this knowledge accessed immediately.

Thanatos! One of my counterparts! Same “god”, different culture! Truly one, but still divided?! Well, not divided at the moment, but we’d have to part eventually, although I would have been quite happy to have been in this state for all eternity. We were part of the same ‘Monad’, and there were more of us, but that’s another story, and I’m not going to be the one to write it. Oh, yes! I found I definitely wanted to follow in his footsteps. I mean; I had to stand for something, didn’t I? I couldn’t be forever lounging around the house (or castle), drawing pictures, writing poetry and being the exclusive devoted servant of Hesper, could I? What a pointless existence. I was old enough to have a career, now.

* * *

I have never felt the love I felt for Thanatos for anyone else. Not for my grandfather, not for my father, or mother, or even my beloved Hesper. As a complete entity, to me he seemed the most perfect and beautiful thing I’d ever met. When we finally drifted apart, I came out of it a different individual. I think I lost a bit of my own identity, and I had to admit, I wanted to be a lot more like my new acquaintance.

When we “landed” back in Hades, I told my father and my grandfather, “I’m never setting foot in Ireland again.”

The Dagda said, “That’s the fate of all of us.”

I looked at my grandfather. “Did you know I would want to welcome the newly dead to the Other Side?”

Like the full time telepath he was, he answered the question I was thinking, and not the question I asked. He had a habit of doing that. “If you had been informed of your future, you would have been tainted and perverted. You would have been more like those you know, instead of the introspective, considerate, peaceful, young man you are. You may have simply become another warrior lecher, with all the problems of your father.”

Midir scowled. “Father, are you one to talk?”

The Dagda gave me a guilty smile. “I had fewer problems, at least. In any case, you got what information you needed, when you were good and ready. We always answered your questions.”

“Grandfather, so you do know the future?”

“Much of it.”

“Can you tell me of mine?”

“So you can change it? I think not.”

“Will it be that bad?”

“Ask your other self,” said grandfather, as he pointed to Thanatos.

Thanatos and I hadn’t said anything, since our separation. It hadn’t really been thought necessary. After what we’d just been through, what was there left to say?

Thanatos spoke first, and said; “Being a gatekeeper was a bit painful at first, but I wouldn’t call it bad. You find a way to deal with it pretty fast. Vicariously living the life of your typical mortal to properly place them has its ups and downs, but ultimately, I find what I do very fulfilling. It’s a critical position.”

I smiled back “A position I desperately want.”

“So, go set up a way-station and get busy.”

“When will I see you again?”

“That’s a difficult question to answer. What just happened now, shouldn’t happen again. Everything that was meant to be between us has just occurred, but a part of me will always be with you, and vice versa. Just remember that we are simply two parts of something greater, and we will unite again, though not quite in the same way.” He paused. “Perhaps I can say we’ll meet again when time comes to an end, though I get the feeling that won’t make much sense to you.”

I couldn’t stop the single tear from rolling down my face. “Time is only of some minor relevance when I’m on Earth, and I’m not going back. Not after what you taught me.”

Thanatos stepped forward, and we embraced. “No need to shed any tears, Donn. My love for you is equal to yours for me. Now go on, and get ready to ease my workload, huh?”

I would have chuckled if I hadn’t been saddened by our pending separation. I touched my forehead to his, and then stepped back. “I’ll do my best”

“Be at peace, Donn.”

I nodded. “Same to you.”

Midir, the Dagda and I hightailed it to Tir na nOg. No, I didn’t meet my mother.

Introduction

Part 3

There was an island betwixt the planes, off the southwest coast of Eire. It was between Eire and Tir na nOg. I settled there and built a castle vaster than my father’s in Bri Leith. I decorated the halls with statuary and many tapestries of Otherworld creatures, like dragons, unicorns, gryphons, and so on. I also put up some of my paintings, including a new one of Thanatos, and I tried to make it look as surrealistically beautiful, as I could. What would a newcomer to this side of The Veil, like to see?

A large fluffy sofa in front of an eternally burning fireplace?! Hot apple cider available? A nice, non-intimidating setting to talk things over, I thought. Or from a more realistic perspective, a comfy setting to be “absorbed”, rated, and placed, but...

I didn’t look terribly intimidating. I’d stopped aging the day I got here. I was a five foot seven inch, one hundred thirty five pound kid, basically. Well defined, but nothing exceptional. My reddish-blond hair fell halfway down my back, I had wide, turquoise eyes, relatively prominent cheekbones, a decent sized nose that was mostly straight, except for being slightly rounded off at the bottom, a subtly squared-off chin with dimple, attenuate lips, my eyebrows were kind of thin, and my face was un-furry. When I had walked the physical plane, I could barely grow a moustache.

I’d been a late bloomer. I thought I was pretty, rather than handsome, and so I heard from more than a few girls who’d tried to seduce me. The temptation had been hard to resist on occasion, but after seeing the garbage my parents put each other through, I was really wary about entering any type of relationship; and I was NOT a use ‘em and lose ‘em type of guy. I didn’t like the idea of someone after me just because of what I looked like, either. I wasn’t a collectors’ item, you know? Becoming what I was becoming, I wasn’t sure if any type of relationship was even possible any more, and anyone who was up for it had some stiff competition as far as my standards went. First there was my stepmother. Any lass would have to be at least as good as Etain. Then there was my ultimate love! Thanatos! Was there a lass in existence who could measure up to him?

Probably not!

Well, maybe Nyx, but she was taken, and she was definitely too old for me.

* * *

I had a lot of space between furnishings in the castle. This was Hesper’s house, as well as mine, and I made sure to give the pony a lot of room. The place would be known as Tech Duinn. It held decor from the Assyrian culture to the Zuni. Hey! I was eclectic! How provincial can one be after having been one with Thanatos?

The castle had a tower that looked over the sea to the north. On a clear day, you could barely make out the Emerald Isle. It was a good place to write poetry, or play my recorder or lute, I thought. It would also be a good place to watch electrical storms.

It was convenient that the form I now had was optionally insensate to temperature. It was also nice to be free of a need to sleep, or eat, or relieve oneself. The only problem here was being attached to a memory from the Physical Plane. I had enough distractions here not to be troubled with that problem...very much.

Chapter 1

My first case was a child. A six-year old girl named Colleen. She was killed when she fell off a cliff, into the Irish Sea. Colleen was enthralled, unafraid, fell in love with Hesper, and very easy to deal with. I lucked out. Later cases would not be so simple.

Battle deaths were usually difficult. So were cases where there is much indignation, or humiliation, or a desire for revenge. Suicides weren’t exactly up there, either. Suicide was forgivable under certain circumstances (Boadica and Cleopatra got away with it. A lot of people dealing with the abomination of Rome got away with it, actually. If a gruesome execution could be avoided a few days later by killing oneself, it was acceptable.), but running away from everyday problems, created by oneself ninety-nine percent of the time, was a no-no. When people were told that suicide was usually a sure-fire way of meeting the same circumstances they were trying to escape again, they tended to get more than a little upset.

The near suicides were my worst nightmare! If time were relevant to me, they’d be the most time consuming. They took a lot out of me. To share the thoughts of one so desperate, or in so much pain, and to try to persuade them to go back to where they belonged, was a major drain on me. I often ended up taking a vacation from my “job”, after dealing with one. I think this sort of thing was the only source of depression for me. Vicarious living of this sort can do that to a...oh, whatever the hell I am.

I’d been deified, and had problems with considering myself a god. In fact, I couldn’t do it. I thought people were crazy for elevating the Tuatha de Danaan. We were a reckless, rowdy bunch for the most part, and not too many of us were good role models. My parents sure weren’t. My grandfather had the most to do with the shaping of my personality. The Dagda and I had lots of long, engaging talks, and he seemed to know everything. He explained why my parents fought all the time, and how complicated relationships could get with broken commitments, feelings of possessiveness (a.k.a. ‘ownership’), unmet obligations, selfishness, objectification, and conditional feelings, which really didn’t have anything to do with love at all.

What was between my father and Etain was true love. Those two cared for each other unconditionally. The relationship between my father and mother had never been like that. Making an incongruous analogy for this story; my parents getting married was like a couple of major, stunningly gorgeous, self-centred media celebrities getting married. I was so grateful I was spared their venom. They never got me involved in choosing sides, and they never took their frustrations out on me. They also never made me stay while they fought. I was always able to leave the area when tempers flared.

* * *

What I had become was really interesting, in this place out of time. I’d meet people from about 24,000 B.C. (which was way before I was born in time) to 2012 A.D. I met mostly people who didn’t even know I existed, not long before I undertook this position. You can imagine the culture shocks I went through. Eventually I developed a pretty secure detachment to most things. If I hadn’t, I’d be raging about everything from the condition of life to what time has done/will do/whatever, to my beautiful Eire. Whenever I started to get upset about anything, I’d always have to remember both the Dagda’s words, and the philosophy of Thanatos. EVERYTHING IS AS IT SHOULD BE! Absolutely miserable on Earth, but hey! It’s a school! A learning ground! If everything were perfect, they might as well not be there and stagnate in the likes of Eden. And ultimately, people live on Earth because they CHOOSE to live on Earth. Gluttons for punishment! I guess you gotta devolve to evolve. I still couldn’t remember my past lives, so I couldn’t identify. I suppose I was blocked somehow, but the Dagda couldn’t remember his past lives either, even though we weren’t even technically alive in the way mortals are. I’d have to ask about that one day.

Hesper was almost always at my side, both on the job, and off. He usually made my job easier. He was another gorgeous thing for the newcomers to my pad to admire. I thought he was the most beautiful pony in existence. My attentions were the only thing I used to spoil him, now. He wasn’t interested in food anymore than I was, in this ‘eating optional’ realm of existence. I just considered the idea of eating, a complete waste of time. Yes, I know time is technically irrelevant to me, but what other wording can I use, huh? It was nice having Hesper around. No, we couldn’t have telepathic conversations; per se, but we had a tight empathic bond, and I could feel what affection he felt for me, and it was pretty intense. It was also a common understanding, that he owned me. I was his herd, and he felt protective of me. That would make for one very interesting day.

* * *

After taking care of a mug and stab case from New York City, I went to that room I mentioned earlier, with the sofa in front of a (perpetually burning) fireplace. What I saw, awed me, scared me, and angered me, all at once. Macha the Red faced me, dressed in drag. (You don’t know who Macha is? What rock did you just crawl out from under?) War goddess! She looked absolutely stunning, and absolutely terrifying. She wore a torque, a tattered jerkin, hides tied around her calves, and a silver asp around her powerful upper left arm, a claymore on her back, and a dirk at her left side. Her feet were shoulder width apart, she had her arms crossed in front of her, her head was tilted to the right, and I didn’t like the smile on her face. She was looking at me, like I was going to be served with a side dish of carrots and kale, or something. Hesper pawed the ground twice.

“Macha! What are you doing here?” I resented the intrusion.

“So, you haven’t fallen off the face of the Earth.” She narrowed her eyes, and started walking toward me. “It’s been a long time, and you still look like a man-child.”

I wanted to disappear from the scene and switch Planes right there, for all the good it would have done. I blocked my mind from her. Show no fear. “We can look like anything we want.”

“Are you still just the scholar/intellectual, or has the art of war entered your world, yet?” She stood right before me, now.

“Just the scholar/intellectual? Have you seen my paintings? Have you read my poetry? Have you heard the songs I’ve composed?” I asked with a very sarcastic tone. Hesper’s ears turned back.

That bitch reached forward and ever so gently traced her hand down my chest, sending me a jolt of electric energy that...well, felt pretty damn good. I grabbed her wrist, and closed my eyes. “NEVER...do...that...to...me...AGAIN!” I whispered with a sibilant hiss. Long dead sensations I hoped to leave buried, brought back to life again. I was not a happy camper. Hesper stepped forward, and bit her on the arm.

Macha reeled. “He bit me!”

I bared my teeth, and snarled. “If you retaliate against him, you will be the first person I kill!”

Macha stepped back, and unsheathed her claymore, like only a Tuatha warrior could. She held it vertically before her. “I wouldn’t hurt a horse for anything, and if you try, I will kick your ass.” She was still wearing that smile.

Well, that’s not really what she said, but it amounted to the same thing.

“All right! I concede, but did you come here just to antagonise me?” I knew I was no match for her.

“Yes!”

“You succeeded! You can go now!”

She shook her head. “No! I always get what I want, and I want you!”

“Not if you were the last woman on Earth.”

“Donn! My dear, chaste Donn! I bed men, not boys. I demand you as a protégé.”

“For skills I have no use for? And if I refuse?”

Macha’s smile grew wider. “You saw the reaction I got out of you with a simple touch? I’ll make your dreams a living hell, and I’ll make you beg me to take you!”

That was not a good threat. I hadn’t slept since I got here, and I think she knew that. Still, who knows what she was capable of? I replied, “You are a goddess damned bitch!”

“Thank you.”

“Now why are you doing this to me?”

“I like you!”

“You don’t even know me!”

“Nice painting you have up of your Greek lover. What’s his name? Thanatos?” OK! She did know me.

“He’s not my...”

“Not carnally, but in the most absolute sense possible. You’ll never get over him!”

“He taught me everything. I’m part him. He said the two of us will be one at the end of time.”

Macha raised her left eyebrow. “You can go there now.”

“I know that. I also know; if I do, I’ll never come back. And I’m not finished yet, am I?”

She put her sword under my chin, to my throat. She raised my chin ever so slightly, with it. “No, you’re not.”

“I hate you.”

“You’re very brave, considering I can run you through in no time at all.”

“But you won’t!”

“You’re very certain!”

“You won’t kill your protégé!”

“So you accept!”

“I’d rather fight you, than bed you.”

She re-sheathed her sword, and said, “That’s good enough for me. Invoke me when you’re ready.” She then disappeared from view.

* * *

I hugged Hesper. “Hesper, I think I finally have a girlfriend.”

Not really, but it was something to say. I was really quite furious. I also closed my eyes and rearranged my physiology to be insensate in my nether regions to any form of pleasure. Being a shape-shifter had its advantages.

Chapter 2

I walked to the painting I did of Thanatos. I’d dressed him the same way he was when I saw him, and he was sitting under an olive tree, one knee bent, arms around the knee, ninety degrees toward the viewer, looking at the viewer. I reached over, and touched it. So, Macha knew what had happened between us. It wasn’t likely that my father or grandfather had told her. I deduced she’d invaded my mind. She also gave the impression she really knew her way around the castle.

I was a bit upset with the intrusion on my privacy and solitude. I didn’t appreciate being threatened with the claymore (among other things) either. I wondered what motivated her.

I thought back to the conversation we had. It was one of the craziest verbal sparring sessions I’d ever had in all the days of my existence. I wondered what I even had agreed to. I also wondered if I should be feeling humiliated. Neither my father, nor my grandfather could have lived down what had just been done to me. On the other hand, if either one of them had been propositioned by a stunning thing like Macha; I don’t think they would have turned her down! As for me – she was NOT my type, and I couldn’t stand her attitude. She seemed to have a lot of fun at my expense. It was like I was some sort of a toy or something. That would not be tolerated again.

Why did I even agree to be taught by her? What did I have to gain by knowing combat techniques? I wasn’t interested. Why did she want me to know this pointless garbage? Despite my irritation at what had happened, I was curious. As Hesper came over to nose my shoulder, I said to the painting, “You are so lucky, Than. Ye gods, it’s a curse to have been born to the Tuatha.” I smiled. “But your relatives aren’t much better, are they? With the abduction of Persephone, all of Zeus’ indiscretions, and everyone taking sides of the wars of the mortals?! What’s the difference, huh?”

‘There is no difference. You are both the same,’ came a voice, into my head. It wasn’t Thanatos’ voice. This voice had a strong Irish accent. I turned around, and threw myself against the wall.

Sitting next to Hesper, three feet away from me, was a white cat. A large white cat! A snow leopard, in fact. It was completely white, with red glowing eyes. ‘Don’t hurt yourself, Donn. I won’t bite you,’ he sent me, telepathically.

“What are you?!” I whispered.

‘You can call me Keith.’ (We Irish pronounce that 'Kayth'.)

I scowled, and kneeled down. “Keith!”

The cat slowly approached me, and brushed himself against me. Of course, I reached out and stroked him. He had the softest fur I had ever felt. “You look absolutely daemonic, Keith.”

‘I’m not.’

“OK. How did you get in here, and why are you here?”

‘I got in the same way you do. I simply willed it.’ The leopard was gone, and a brilliantly white horse, with the same glowing eyes stood before me, now. He looked one hundred percent Arabian. ‘I was asked to come here.’

Hesper, immediately nuzzled against him. The white stallion nuzzled him back. “Sent here by Macha, of course.”

‘Of course.’

I stood up. “Why?”

‘Macha has had her sites on you since before you came here. She has a very high opinion of you. An admiration, I should say.’

“She didn’t treat me very well when she was just here.”

Keith started grooming Hesper in the equine way. ‘By her standards, you were treated quite well.’

“So why are you here?”

The horse looked at me. ‘I was sent to keep Hesper company when Macha is training you to eliminate the only fault you have.’ He switched to human form. “Of course I’m also to keep Macha company when you’re coddling Hesper.” Well, such was his intent. In reality, he wouldn’t be spending much time with Hesper, but that’s later.

Now, I got the reality overload of my life. I swooned, and actually passed out.

Keith was close enough to me to run and catch me before I hit the floor.

* * *

I awoke on that couch, in front of that fireplace, when I came to. Keith was a respectable distance away, on the same couch; and he was looking at me. “Are you all right?” He asked in a soft tenor.

He looked like a larger, slightly older version of me, but stark white, instead of my milky Irish pale. Our facial features were identical, and even our hair was cut the same, with Keith’s going down to his mid back, and slightly layered. Of course, his eyes still glowed red. “What in the name of every god in the worldly pantheons, are you?” I asked.

He shrugged. “The closest thing I can think of; is that what Thanatos is to Nyx, I am to Macha.”

“You’re her child?”

“Not exactly. Her creation is a better way of putting it.”

I closed my eyes, and nodded. My home...my sanctuary has been invaded by a sister of the Morrighan, an artificial construct, and I have been conscripted by that same sister of the Morrighan. Uh, is free will a myth, or something? This is NOT what I wanted. I was a bit perturbed. I was not feeling like being nice. I narrowed my eyes. “Judging from what you look like, and your origins, I assume you’re good in bed.”

He slowly said, accentuating every word, “Don’t...bait me, please.” He had a sad tone to his voice.

I barely believed what I saw. His cuspids extended a half-inch beyond his incisors. I scowled. “You have fangs?”

“Custom design.”

I sat up, and leaned toward him. I suddenly pitied him. I extended my hand to him. “Ye gods, I’m sorry.”

He gently took my hand. “I have limited options at the moment. Let’s make the best of this, shall we.”

I nodded, and we disengaged. “My world has just been severely bent out of shape.”

He sighed. “Macha’s not as bad as the legends say. Anyway, to answer your obnoxious question, yes I am good in bed.”

“I only asked that to trigger you, but you seemed to know that.” I really regretted doing that. His demeanour was so gentle. I liked him. I wanted him as a friend.

He smiled at me. “I did.”

I almost wanted to cry.

He held up his hand to me, and we intertwined fingers. He knew what I felt. I nodded once, and closed my eyes. I smiled, and bit down on my lower lip to hold back the tears of regret. We sat hand in hand for a moment, then separated, and looked silently into the fire.

* * *

It took a while to assimilate all that had happened. I took no new “death” cases in the interim, and I just had to get my head together. I had major issues with not being in complete control of my own existence. I was at odds with myself. I could tell the two invaders to leave, and not come back. I could also run to the ends of the universe. I could go back to the physical plane, to any time or culture I chose. I could live among the Arawaks before Christopher Columbus destroyed them, or with the Ohlone before they were destroyed by the Spanish scourge, or even with the Koi-San of Southern Africa, before the European invasion.

Passing thought. I have come to conclude that Physical life’s a pain in the rear a while ago, even for a Tuatha, and I had a statistically very soft life. I ‘called’ Macha with a mental beckon. I might as well get on with what I’d gotten myself into.

* * *

Sword? Spear? Archery equipment? Dirk? Hand to hand techniques?

No! She sat me down in front of a chessboard. First game, she mated me in twelve moves. Each time we played, it took longer. She wouldn’t let me up until we had a draw. By the time we were done, I never wanted to see another chessboard again, for the rest of eternity. Of course, I wouldn’t be that lucky.

The next step, I enjoyed. She had me read the Bhagavad Gita, hard copy. It was the story of Krishna telling Arjuna why he had to fight his relatives. It was a philosophical masterpiece. I didn’t see how it related to me, but it was a great book. Granted; after all the talks I had with my grandfather, and my union with Thanatos, I already knew all about it, but the reading was a nice review. I also had to smile over the line, ‘I am become death’, though I was no shatterer of worlds. It was one beautiful epic poem.

It was no secret that I considered this a waste of time, in a pragmatic sense. I was never going to be on a battlefield. I was never going to be involved in a duel, and I really had a more pacifist nature. Harm none, and do what you will, and all that, you know? I was an artist, not a warrior. So, how did Macha kick start my desire to learn for learning’s’ sake? She and Keith put on a show I’ll never forget.

Both dressed up for the part. Macha dressed like the day she first showed up at the castle, in that tattered jerkin, and all. Keith wore a black girded loincloth that covered his front and rear, and a pair of black boots of Apache styling. Keith also started moving with an inhuman animal grace that would give Mikhail Baryshnikov a run for his money. Keith was on the dance floor, moving with a fluid motion that was beyond words. Both started out with their swords held vertically before them. They nodded their heads, and went at it.

Lunges, blocks, swipes, retreats, magnificent jumps! It was all choreographed, and well rehearsed. They were both exactly the same height, though Keith was probably about twenty- five or thirty pounds heavier. It was a treat to see two of the most beautiful entities on the planet engaged in a sword dance from Hell. There was not one ‘hit’, from beginning to end.

I resisted asking for an encore when it was over.

Their psychological manipulation worked. I was hooked.

Of course, first Macha made me learn the longbow, the crossbow, the 22 and 30-30 rifles, and the javelin. ARRRGH!

Chapter 3

I didn’t do any “real” work, while I was in training. It didn’t matter. Being outside of time, meant that I lost no time.

In a way, the training made a better entity of me. It made me more aware of things. On the other hand, the training also made a more distracted entity. It gave me more things to think about, and freeze frame memories that wouldn’t leave me alone. Paintings of Macha and Keith started going up. Especially paintings of Keith! Mortal snow leopards were beautiful. Keith was an aesthetically ravishing cat, though he wasn’t much in the habit of taking that form. In fact, he only took it when I asked him to pose for me as a snow leopard. As an equine, he was Hesper’s aesthetic equal at least, and he obviously didn’t look too bad in human form. In fact, I thought the modified version of me that he was, looked a bit better than I did. I painted him all three ways.

Needless to say, I no longer minded their presence, at the castle. I was left alone to do what I wanted to do, like; keep company with Hesper, indulge in my artistic hobbies, and simply mull things over. I occasionally sparred with Macha, and less occasionally with Keith, to keep in practise, but most of our time was spent in fascinating discussion; generally on that couch, with the perpetually burning fireplace. Macha was always in the middle, and often, she’d have an arm around both of us. “You never did tell me, Macha.” I said, “Why did you insist I be able to handle weapons?”

“It’s one of my idiosyncrasies. My consorts must know these things.”

“I’m not your consort, but if I were...you couldn’t have one that didn’t, uh...know these things?”

“Maybe, but you couldn’t be him.”

“I’ve never defeated you in any of our sessions. I can’t. Not in this form. You only tower over me by six inches, not to mention you outweigh me, and have a bit more strength.”

“I’ve never defeated her either, and I’m stronger than Macha,” said Keith. “It’s a matter of skill and technique.”

“This knowledge makes you perfect, in my eyes,” said Macha, to me.

I looked her in the eyes. “Me thinks you have a better man to your right.”

Macha said, “He’s not a man! He’s my work of art.”

“Then I must say; you’re a better artist than I. I couldn’t have conceived of such a creature.”

Keith said, “Excuse me, but the thing you are talking about is sitting next to you, and gets your meaning. I am aware that I am but Macha’s slave, but can we have a little bit more deference than that?”

Macha let go of me, and caressed Keith’s left cheek with her forefinger. “I wouldn’t call you my slave. I never claimed ownership over you.”

Keith shut his eyes, and smiled. “What would you call me?”

“How about my other, significant other?”

Both Keith and I faced her with a sudden jerk. I stood up. “Macha, you can be such a bitch, some times.”

“Some times? Apparently I’ve fallen down on the job.”

I chuckled. “See you guys later,” and I left the room. Macha could apologise to Keith in private if she so chose, though knowing her; she’d probably wouldn’t.

I would slowly pull out of the war games. I was losing interest.

* * *

I stood before the mirror. I wondered if I should do a self-portrait. I didn’t have any. I’d never done one. I looked at my face in the mirror, and at my eyes. They were a striking turquoise in the light, but in this darkened room, they were as black as Thanatos’. I liked what I saw. They would stay like that. It would be the only modification I would make on myself for now. I thought it gave me a gentler look. Well, I also darkened my eyebrows, so you could tell I had them, from 20 feet away, but that was par for the course. Dark eyes and light eyebrows didn’t mesh in my book.

I’d paint myself with a sword at my side. Suddenly I remembered that Thanatos carried a sword on the job. It was a symbol, rather than a weapon. Gods, I missed him. The gift of his memories was something that nothing could ever come close to. It was the next best thing to getting an “Akashic Library Card,” and I still didn’t have one, so to speak. From what I’d heard, I was pretty certain I couldn’t handle what I found there, anyway. To learn the absolute truth about the absolute everything all at once isn’t something too many could deal without becoming a bit unhinged. I could understand. I faced enough horrors on the job. In fact, I’ve come to the conclusion, that the existence of mankind proves that The Source has cancer.

I all out laughed, as the next thought came into my head. And the existence of the Tuatha proves The Source has Ebola. Even in Psalm 82 of the Christian Bible, The Source was said to have yelled at us, and the likes of us, for being such jerks on so many occasions. I personally have never been rebuked by The Source! I didn’t know of anyone who had. I suppose that made Psalm 82 an urban legend.

Hm! How would I be dressed? I didn’t flaunt my wares the way my roommates did. I thought about it for a while, and tried on different outfits from different cultures. I ended up deciding on my own creation.

Everything would be black, and it would consist of leotard stockings, suede boots, and a satin-silk tunic with loose, long sleeves, that you put on from behind, and wrapped around yourself. It came to a knee-length point in front, back, and at the sides, and a little above mid-thigh betwixt the points. The way it was wrapped around me, would leave a V-neck that exposed the centre of my chest to about three or four inches above my navel; though I could wrap it higher, and it was secured with a suede belt, and a silver Omega belt buckle. I actually dressed like that, posing in front of the mirror, to get it down proper. In the painting, I’d be sitting on the stump of a felled tree, head turned down, and eyes closed. It looked a little sad, but that’s how I felt at the moment, again thinking of Thanatos. It’s a drag to always be longing for the company of one you can never see. I guess that’s how my father felt for Etain. At least Macha wasn’t like Fuamnach, not that she had any claim on me as a mate. Then again, I certainly wasn’t like my father.

I completed the painting, nonstop.

* * *

Flashout

The lady sat at the table, with The Committee. Another woman was walking around the room. “Stephanie, with your track record, I don’t think you’re wise in petitioning us. You have lived out your full lifespan in so many countless incarnations; you’re finally free of the cycle, and you’re asking to go back?”

Stephanie shrugged. “I think I can finally do some good. If I’m put in an environment where I can actually make something of myself? No kids holding me back, access to a decent education, and statistically in control of my own destiny. Let me keep my artistic talents and imagination. Not too pretty, not too rich, not too poor, and not afraid to stand out. Maybe a lifespan of about 45 years?”

“Getting into the media is hard work, and just because you think you have a way of waking up the public, doesn’t mean you’ll succeed, even if you do make a name for yourself”

“I can try, can’t I? I just have to go back. It’s like, I don’t have it out of my system, yet.”

The woman smiled warmly. “Physical life is always so much easier and seductive when you’re not living it. You’ve never valued it very much when you actually were in that state. How many times have you gotten yourself killed in reckless endeavours, or simply committed suicide? Now you want to go back?”

“One more time. Just one more time! I just have to try to get through to those idiots!”

“My, what an attitude you have. That’s not conducive for your self-imposed mission. You’ll really have to get over your arrogance.” The woman then chuckled. “Jiddu Krishnamurti couldn’t change the world. Neither could George Gurdjieff. You really think, you can?”

“Or die, trying?”

The whole room laughed. A man at the end of the table said, “Stephanie, you are something else. You never change, do you?”

The woman who was pacing the room nodded. “We have to let you go. You’re obviously not ready for this locale, but at least you’re going down with a clean Karmic slate.”

“Thank you.”

* * *

“Nice. It’s about time you did one of yourself,” said Macha, as she walked into the room with Keith.

“It’ll probably be the last one.” I said. I had completed it, and was currently admiring it.

“I hope not, but I like your new tunic,” said Keith.

“So do I. It’s comfortable. I’m not sure I want to get out of it.”

“It looks pretty good, too,” Macha had to add. She then scowled. “Donn! What did you do to your eyes?”

“I consider it my prerogative to change their colour, and it appears the common consensus is that the tunic stays, “ I said. “When I’m not on the job, anyway. I think the white robe stays when I’m on the welcome wagon.” I tried to look as angelic as possible when placing people. It wasn’t too hard. I had an innocent looking face. The façade seemed to work. Nobody was afraid of me, and nobody made any passes at me. Yes, I was now working full-time as a gatekeeper again.

“I liked turquoise better,” said Macha.

“I don’t. Not now. I want a softer look.” I turned away from them, and started to leave. “I think I have to spend some time with Hesper. It’s been a while.” I didn’t feel like hearing any objections to what I’d done to myself.

* * *

I rode Hesper through the courtyard gardens of Tech Duinn. I used neither saddle nor tack. Hesper was easy enough to vault onto, and I guided him with my thoughts.

What was nice about this place; was once I put something somewhere via spontaneous creation, it stayed there. It would never change, unless I willed it away. The garden was always perfect, with everything in bloom, and never dying. I had cobblestone paths going through it, and all kinds of flowers and trees that couldn’t grow in Ireland, unless it was in a greenhouse. The odours, were heavenly. There were roses, and jasmines, and magnolias, and fruit trees of various types in bloom, and sandalwoods, and there was alyssum, and too many other plants to mention. It was early dusk, the colours were fading, but the beauty of the place was still beyond words. Perhaps I should put eternally burning torches, out here. That would be a nice aesthetic addition.

I wondered if my virtual addiction to beauty was a weakness. I wasn’t aware that it hurt anyone. It seemed to be a Tuatha trait. We were noted for our art. I supposed it wasn’t too bad a character. So I was a good landscape artist and interior decorator, because of it. Oh well.

I heard hoof beats behind me, and saw Keith in equine form, cantering toward us. ‘Mind if I join you?’ he asked telepathically.

“Not really. Just don’t complain about what I did to myself.”

‘I don’t particularly care one way or the other. Macha is the one who claims you. Though I’m quite fond of you, you’re not my obsession.’

“You have no idea how thankful I am for that.”

‘That might be inconvenient, huh?’

“An outright nuisance. I’m glad she’s got you to fulfill her phantasies regarding me.”

‘I’ll not complain there, though that puzzles me. Why are you chaste?’

“The psychological intricacies are just too much for me to handle; not that I didn’t used to take care of myself when the sensations overwhelmed me, if I must admit it. Now, I guess I’ve just evolved beyond it. I don’t care any more. I experience it all vicariously when I absorb people, and some of what I’ve been exposed to has gone beyond my imagination. I know what it’s all about, I don’t need it; so what’s the point?”

‘Even with Thanatos?’

Sure. I’d have him, if he asked me. Of course I didn’t say that. “I’ve only met him once, and lust is not the issue with him.” That was the truth, too.

‘What’s it like to be two people in one?’

“With Thanatos, it was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced. Even now, I have all the memories of his life. He woke me to all of my innate abilities, without me having to be trained over a time span on how to harness and use them. I swear; I love him more than myself. With the mortals I absorb, I get a sense of satisfaction of having helped a person transfer from there to here, but mostly they blow me away with their density, if you know what I mean.”

‘That they’re clueless?’

“For the most part. Also, while they’re in the Physical Realm, so many just don’t want to learn. It’s like the desire is trained out of them. Their innate curiosity is deadened by so many societies. Don’t question the status quo. Don’t rock the boat. Above all, don’t make the world a better place. The ruling class can’t have that. They kill you, if you try, and have any measure of success. Look what they did to Y’Shua.”

‘They crucified him.’

“The Pharisees didn’t help, but the Romans were such sadistic, destructive people; and their influence never really died. Also, all these really cool cultures were completely wiped off the face of the Earth by the offshoots of Rome, but by the time those tribes evolved to that point, they didn’t really need to exist in the physical realm anymore, anyway.”

‘So your saying the invaders and destroyers did the victims a favour, by destroying them?’

“Too bad it had to be done in the way it was, but in my personal opinion, yes! I don’t think very highly of physical life, now that I’m here.”

‘I never did, and I never had to live it, thank Macha.’

“You experience the less unpleasant aspects of it. You enjoy an occasional feast, sharing a cup of tea with Macha, and of course; Macha herself. In a way, I’m experiencing an aspect of it too, in my Etheric garden, with my now hypersensitive nose, and all.”

‘Donn’

“Yes?”

Keith took on his human form. “Would you take me Astral, and become one with me?”

I slid off Hesper. “Give me permission to read your motivation.” Intrusive telepathy was barred from the island after I found what Macha had done to me, before I was aware of her presence.

“You have it.” He came to me.

His feelings for me were a bit more intense than I’d thought. Love, admiration, curiosity... I embraced him, and I smiled. “Prepare yourself.”

* * *

He was quite a sensitive one. My sarcasm of the past, including when we first met; where I wrongly thought him an agent of Macha, had not left him unscathed. I should have known better by his refusal to retaliate to my thoughtless, obnoxious witticism at his expense. I immediately felt pretty bad, though I was just as immediately absolved.

I had thought highly of him before, and now my opinion just went past the outskirts of the universe. He had a very high degree of intelligence, and though Macha had put a quite a bit of herself into him, she hadn’t shared herself completely. She kept him in a state, where he wasn’t likely to leave her. He was under the impression he owed her himself, and he wasn’t one hundred percent comfortable with that.

Oh, she treated him good. Damn good. I even picked up a couple more things on how to please a sensualist, which were brand new to me. It struck me that Keith was akin to Macha’s pet; and of course; being we were in a complete shared thought process, Keith picked up on that. I wondered if this made me a two-timing slut, but I fell totally in love again, all the way. I couldn’t help it. My feelings for Thanatos were no less, but Keith blew me away.

We were like two clouds, come together by opposing wind fronts. I had my very essence caressed in such a way, that I felt I was on the ultimate euphoriant. There was a vast information exchange, but soon that went by the wayside. It ended up as both of us baring our feelings for each other, and they increased in intensity the longer we stayed as we were. It was beyond ecstasy. Beyond rapture. Beyond eternity! Indescribable, really! We also engaged in an energy exchange that finally blew us apart.

* * *

We ended up back in the garden, just as we’d left it; in embrace, though Keith had to catch me to keep me from collapsing. I stumbled, caught my footing, and we walked to one of the stone benches, with me leaning heavily on Keith. I felt very tired. We looked at each other. “Thank you for not holding my past verbal indiscretions against me,” I said.

He shrugged. “Simple misunderstandings of what I am. You know, what just happened between us makes what Macha and me have done look like a long, slow, walk through a very large bonfire.” He didn’t really mean that.

“Then you think I’m not missing anything, by being chaste?” I collapsed on the bench.

“No! In fact, one day, I may become so myself, now that I fully understand your motive.”

I looked into his fiery, glowing eyes. “Is there a need to say anything else?”

He smiled, and shook his head.

I nestled against him, and rested my head against his shoulder. I zoned out, but I didn’t quite fall asleep. He put his arm around me, and we stayed like that for a very long time. Things would be a’ changin’.

Chapter 4

Argh! The first case I get when I get back on the job after Keith is an almost successful suicide. A fifteen-year old kid! Zanna Milovitch. I’ve never met such a confused mess in all my life. Thank you, land of television, abusive mamma, and Zanna’s own...uh...how can I put a slight state of psychosis, politely? OK, I can’t!

Interesting case. First six and a half years, in a childhood paradise. She’d lived with her grandparents in Germany. It was a childhood fairy tale. Unfortunately, her grandparents were terminally ill. Along comes Aryan supremacist, Nazi bitch mother, who really shouldn’t have had any children at eighteen, or perhaps, ever. Zanna got shipped to the U.S. with volatile momma, and a more selectively abusive (Don’t ask!) stepfather who was passed off as her real father. Zanna believed them, since she hadn’t seen her genetic father in a while. Zanna thought Joel Michael Crisanto looked different, but parents don’t lie to their children, do they? The former Christl Springborn-Milovitch, now a Christl Springborn-Crisanto made my mother seem like Donna Reed. Zanna faced the next five years with a psychopath.

It’s a little traumatic to throw a kid from a warm loving home into a war zone, with landmines every four steps. Yeah, I think that was a good analogy. Escape time. Hit the books, the boob-tube, and the big back yard out in the boonies. Go unicorn hunting, look for centaurs, and anything; as long as it wasn’t real, in the reality of planet Earth.

Come age eleven. Enver Milovitch wants his daughter back. When Zanna found she could escape her living Hell, she did. Enver was too busy with a job to take care of the kid, and Zanna found herself in latchkey status. She was completely cut loose from all chains, and ended up with no source of guidance...except peers and television.

Unguided children and television don’t usually mix too well. In fact, neither do many adults and television. They actually believe the news.

Anyway, Zanna’s set of role models were on the Starship Enterprise. Star Trek was a great visionary show, but Zanna decided more or less, that she wanted to become a Vulcan when she grew up. Time to try to mold the personality into one of the most unnatural things possible. It doesn’t work too well. She also looked up to the lone-wolf type of personality; hence she would face all problems and tribulations alone.

Then Zanna had a life-long gender identity problem, as well as not wanting to be an Illyrian- Kraut, as she would later call herself. Her father was from Montenegro, with Albanian ancestry. She wasn’t anything she wanted to be, and instead of adapting to reality, she tried to get reality to adapt to her. That doesn’t always work on the Physical Plane, but she did end up becoming quite a phantasy artist.

It was with the coming of adolescence, when started the Hell bent penchant to self-destruct. She couldn’t have the future she wanted because her grades weren’t good enough, she refused to even try to have a relationship, because no one measured up to her phantasy standards, and she was at perpetual war with herself, in trying to make herself something she wasn’t. Southern Pacific Railroad to the rescue!

What a mess. Concussion, coma, busted femur, busted clavicles, cut up, and bruised to kingdom come! She’d hesitated, and only got sideswiped by the train, but she was in a pretty borderline state when she ended up in Tech Duinn.

* * *

Zanna was instantly bigoted against me. Mamma stressed the wonderful Aryan combination of blond hair and blue eyes. Zanna rebelled against everything her mother stood for, and I was too close to blond for Zanna’s taste. Zanna was also going through an anti-male phase due to having inundated herself in militant feminist literature. That was two points in my favour, sarcastically speaking. At least she liked my pony. Hesper was the only reason she’d even talk to me.

I couldn’t absorb her, but I had done an intrusive reading on her.

She was terrified of the future. She wasn’t measuring up to her own standards, and I couldn’t put her mind at ease. In fact, I couldn’t do anything for Zanna. Not by myself, anyway. I had to unload her on a Sybil.

Zanna was shown bits and pieces of her Akashic records. She was shown enough, to ease her fears. Her future careers, her relationships, her successes, her tryst with the world of folk music, and a life of relative comfort, due to hard work. Of course, she still didn’t like life, and she was reluctant to go back.

We left her alone to explore the Etheric Realm, for a while. Her lack of true mental self discipline made her sojourn less than a pleasant experience. Her mental creation techniques fell through, most residents avoided her because of how she got there, her grandparents rebuked her for how she got there, and nothing went right. Life wasn’t working for her, and neither was death. Oh, what to do! She just couldn’t win.

In the end, she came back to me, and softened up. She suddenly noticed I was pretty cute for a blond (I almost objected, declaring myself a redhead; but I wasn’t sure I was justified. I was such a ambiguous case.), she liked my Irish accent, my asexual manner, the fact Hesper let her ride him (It was never ‘my’ decision, on who rode that pony really, but... It was Hesper himself, who decided.), and she became somewhat smitten with me. I kind of liked her, too. In the there and then, I thought it might be a kick to foster her. It couldn’t be done, though.

Before we had to separate, I did end up giving her a hug, and letting her know I cared. Shortly after, she was yanked back to her physical body, kicking and screaming all the way. In the bed of the hospital, she’d have to be tied down to keep from ripping the IVs out.

Not quite a success. And I sought to follow in the steps of Thanatos? Right now, I contemplated my own sanity for having taken this position. This case was a true nightmare.

She would remember too much of what had happened, though I wouldn’t know that just yet.

* * *

I was with Hesper, when Macha came storming into the room. “What in the Hell did you do to Keith?”

I did my best to look innocent, and stunned. I asked the most inane question I could. “Why? He’s not injured, is he?”

“He kicked me out of bed, saying he wasn’t sure if he wanted to engage in anything so shallow, anymore. It seems like you’ve taken my man away from me.” She was livid.

“I thought he wasn’t a man, but an art project. Can’t you just make another one?”

“How cold do you think I am? I adore Keith. How could you have over-ridden me like you did?”

“He asked me to. He’s quite beautiful, and I’m not referring to what he looks like, in this instance. Maybe you should have him the way I did.”

She shook her head, and looked down. “He won’t. Not now. He said, maybe later; when he finds himself, and straightens out his priorities. You took away from me, the best lover I ever had.”

It took all the willpower I had, not to tell her to get a damn vibrator. I think I would have gotten thrown across the room for that one, and I wasn’t sure it was worth it. I stifled a chuckle. “You could have anybody! The most beautiful mortal, most of the Tuatha men, and most of the men of the other Pantheons! Maybe a few women, if it suits you. You’re perhaps the second most beautiful woman I ever saw.”

“I’m not interested in women, and of course I rank after Etain!”

“No one surpasses Etain.”

“I love you, I hate you, I can’t stand you, I won’t live without you, and I want your head on a plate.”

“Macha, why don’t you go away, and really think about all this. While you’re at it, look up the word ‘selfish’, in the dictionary.” Or should I have said, ‘spoiled brat’?

If looks could kill! She flowed out of the room like a tigress, saying nothing more.

Two disasters following each other, tail to nose.

* * *

Two landmine victims in Sierra Leon, fifteen Palestinian shooting victims, four Hiroshima nuke victims, two Carthaginian shish-ka-bobs, and one cancer death later, I came back to relax in what turned out to be an arena. Macha and Keith were at it, sword in hand. Keith had the most mystical expression on his face, and Macha made the mistake of taking note of me. If this had been for real, she wouldn’t have done that, for it gave Keith the opportunity to knock the claymore from her hand, throw his own sword across the room, grab her wrists, and pin her to the floor at such a speed, that it was over before I realised what had happened.

“I win!” he said.

“A geis is a geis. Name your demand.”

Keith looked up at me, shrugged, and smiled. I got a message of ‘Some old habits die hard.’ He looked back at Macha. “You! Later!” He let go of her, and gently pulled her up. His ‘attempted’ stint with celibacy didn’t last very long.

I chuckled slightly. “So, Keith! Have I lost you?”

He looked at me with raised eyebrows. “I’m a product of the Tuatha. Why can’t I have you both?”

I all out laughed, and so did Macha, as she said, ”I couldn’t have said it better myself.” She turned to me. “Donn?”

“Yes?”

“Can you do something for us?”

“Perhaps.”

“Will you please join us for a cup of tea, in the garden?”

“Does it mean that much to you for me to consume an unnecessary item?”

Keith said, “It’s a camaraderie thing. I’d like it, too.”

“All right.” How could I resist a request from Keith?

* * *

This time, Keith sat in the middle, as we parked our butts on a stone bench. Macha conjured a cup of jasmine tea with cream, for me. I’d never had anything like it when I was on Earth, and I actually thought it was quite good.

“Was that a fair ending to our battle?” asked Keith of Macha.

“Distracted warriors happen, and they get killed. I’d say it was fair,” She traced her finger down his nose, “though, it won’t happen again.”

“Amazing how much a split second can matter,” I said. The atmosphere between us seemed a lot better. There was no tension of any kind. “You two had a contract between you on Keith winning?”

“We did,” said Macha. “If he won, I’d cede him anything I could.

And he asked for something that was available on his theoretical request, at any time, although I’ve never heard him, or of him, doing the requesting in all the time I’ve known him. “O-Kaaaaay.”

‘I’m free. I’ve broken my self-imposed chains. The second I knocked that claymore out of her hands, I felt loose of the grip I let her have on me. I also realised I love her as much as I love you,’ he sent me.

I closed my eyes, and had a sip of the tea. Ye gods, I felt good to ‘hear’ that last sentence.

Chapter 5

Starlight, firelight!

Fade to black, fade to night.

I’ll take his hand, fly with him,

Go forth to rapture’s limb.

To know his love, his sweet caress,

Beyond all pleasure, I confess.

His and mine, for evermore;

Serenity like not before.

To heed his call, I’ll ascend,

Past the bourn of temp’ral trend.

My Horseman of Apocalypse;

From me life’s wretched chains he rips.

Your gentle touch, your easy door;

Death, you are my paramour.

It came to me one day. It wouldn’t leave me alone. It was weird. I wrote it down. I would have liked it for it’s own sake if I’d seen it in a book somewhere, but this was directed at me; so I didn’t like it. It didn’t accurately represent me, and I didn’t like what it implied. I wanted to burn what I’d written, and forget about the poem. I couldn’t. I just wanted to completely drop it, and not investigate where it came from, but I couldn’t do that either.

1982, is when it was written, but the language structure was older. I traced it to Zanna Milovitch, now Kyle Shannon. She was still female, but she’d taken a masculine name. Drawings of me covered her walls. Rather exploitive drawings, but at least they left something to the imagination. It had been five years of her time, since we’d met. To me, it might as well have been yesterday. I was NOT comfortable with what I’d found out, and I left.

When I told Macha and Keith, they were all but floored at the irony.

* * *

More tea in the garden!

“She can’t remember my name,” I said. “She thinks I’m Thanatos, because it’s a name she does know.”

“Well, a bit of you is,” said Keith.

“He wouldn’t appreciate this, either. We’re not something mortals can claim like this.”

“It is a nice poem, though. Seems like something I should have written, but I’m not the poet in this household,” said Keith.

I looked down, and shook my head. “And those pictures. She’s dressed me like you, in your sparring garb. Only the loincloths are ripped up.”

“I think I’d like to see that. Are the drawings accurate representations?” asked Macha.

“They’re line drawings. Cartoony, but they look like me. Don’t get any ideas, huh?”

“That suggests power. I’d keep an eye on her,” said Macha.

That was the LAST thing I wanted to do. “I don’t know about that. I don’t even know if it’s necessary. She does have a boyfriend. A ‘pet college student’.”

Macha chuckled. “Must be a wonderful relationship to make him compete against you.”

“Dysfunctional as hell, no doubt. I didn’t go there. I did see him on my investigative trip. Not a bad looking dude. I can’t say much more, since I didn’t pry too deeply. Just enough to get sufficiently disturbed by it! I’m not sure I want to know any more.” I caught a whiff of Macha’s tea. “What flavour is that?”

“China black.”

“Smells good. Can you get me one of those, after I’m done with this?” I said, holding up my own cup. I was really indulging in my new ‘vice’.

“Gladly.”

“I think I want to go for a ride on the beach after this, though not temperature sensitive,” I said. “A storm is brewing.”

“It’s interesting to actually be aware of the elements, when you do that,” said Macha.

“I know what it’s like to be caught in freezing rain. I’ve been there as a child. Uncomfortable is a better word for it.”

“It feels so good when it stops. To come out of it, sit in front of a raging fire wrapped in a blanket, hot cup of tea in hand, and Keith wrapped around me.”

I looked at Macha. “My dearest Macha! In case you haven’t noticed, I am not much of a sensualist, and I’d rather stay that way.”

The China black was even better than the jasmine.

* * *

I raced Hesper along the shore, with the violent waves coming up to us, but neither me, nor the lovely steed I was on, were affected by it. Lightning flashed, and lit up the whole darkened sky. It was late afternoon. Not quite twilight. I’d be here, until after dark.

Macha and Keith joined me for a little while, on their own horses. They actually did become a less Etheric part of the environment, though that was dangerous. They could have gotten hit by the lightning, they did get drenched, and when it all got to be more than they could bear, they went back to the castle, but they prolonged the agony by actually running the horses through the castle gates, and dismounting after they got into the main structure. I thought they were whacked.

* * *

Macha and Keith sat close to the fire of the perpetually burning fireplace. “Brrrr. I don’t know if I want to do this again,” said Keith.

Macha rang out her fiery red mane on the floor, to what degree she could. “I’m having second thoughts myself, but the fire’s nice.”

“Now, how about that blanket, and cup of tea?”

“Let’s wait until we’re a little drier.”

Keith dropped his cloak to the floor, and shed his outer clothes. “You can wait, if you want.” He sat on the sofa, and he manifested a blanket, and that cup of tea.

Macha looked at him, and also dressed down a bit. “Make room for me under that, huh?”

Keith held out his left arm, holding the blanket, and beckoned her. She snuggled next to him, and he put his arm around her, covering her with the blanket. He brushed the tip of her nose with his own. “This is nice. You’re right! It does feel good when the discomfort stops. You appreciate this sort of thing, more.” He had a sip of his tea.

Macha sniffed it. “Lychee black. Sounds like a good idea.” A cup of the same appeared in her hand.

“Ye gods, in the beginning, I never thought I’d feel this way for you.”

“I gave you free will. I never claimed you as an extension of myself.”

“You made me, because you wanted Donn, and you could never have him. I was a surrogate. I felt second best for so long. I wish you’d taken me like Donn, before using me as a stand-in to sate your physical lusts.”

“We all make our mistakes. I’m the last one to declare I’m perfect or evolved. I never heard you complain, before.’

He kissed her on the forehead. “I guess the benefits of the package were just too good.”

Macha gave him a playful, semi-feline snarl. “Let’s finish our tea, and hope we don’t get caught.”

Keith pressed her to him, gently scraped his upper fangs on her right shoulder, and said, “It hasn’t happened yet.”

* * *

When we were done with the ride, I let Hesper go to do what Hesper wanted to do, and I went to the tower and watched the storm from there. This was a bad one. The rain came down in sheets, now. I expected a few exposure cases any time, now.

Nature was magnificent. She was also much abused. She took a lot, but in the end, she’d fight back, and her victory wouldn’t be pretty, I’d heard. Yes, I could go there now, but I didn’t dig the idea of time travel too much. I just remembered the Dagda’s words. ‘Why do you want to know the future? So you can change it?’ I could change the past, too, and for the likes of me, the desire to make wrong things right was too much, so I didn’t go there. That was another reason for me to avoid the Physical Earth, besides the fact that it was just too inconvenient of an existence for me to tolerate any more.

I could know so much more, but I was afraid of the knowledge. Dealing with living other people’s individual tragic lives in an instant provided no problems for me, but I knew that seeing the whole picture on what everything was about was way more than I could handle. If I had been Pandora, the box would have stayed shut. I wouldn’t have gotten myself ‘kicked out’ of Eden either (Off the Etheric Plane, really. Actually, no one got kicked off. They left on their own volition, to experience the Physical Hell for themselves. Well, it is a quick way to learn some things.). If something works, why change it? I’m pretty liberal...only when things do need changing. If something works, I’m going to cling to it.

Now, with the exception of having an unwanted fan, I thought my existence was pretty perfect. Keith had found himself, Macha was more considerate of him, and I had everything I could conceivably want...except for Thanatos.

I really wanted to repay Thanatos for what he’d done for me, but I sensed that couldn’t happen. Not with equitable recourse, anyway. Yet he had everything he wanted too, so what was the point of letting it bother me?

None, but it did anyway.

I didn’t get any exposure cases. They’d be for another one of my counterparts, who I haven’t met.

I walked down the steps of the tower and paced the castle.

* * *

The castle was basically a museum. When I took on a case, sometimes we’d walk through it and talk about the cultures where everything came from. I’d have Hesper with me ninety odd percent of the time, and depending on the disposition of the person, Hesper would allow them to ride him on the tours. If Hesper took to someone, he made it known that he wanted the attentions of a potential rider. Everyone was warned ahead of time, you do not treat this steed as a mortal horse. No tack, and no kicking to urge him on. You mentally pictured to him what you wanted. He delivered.

I paced the rooms dedicated to the golden ages of Persia, Egypt, Carthage, Peru, Greece, and India. That would be enough. This addict of aesthetics had his fill. I wanted to talk to Macha and Keith.

* * *

When I came across Macha and Keith, they were out cold, crammed on the couch, pretty much covered with a single blanket, booted feet sticking out, and wet clothes all over the floor. They looked so cute, and I suppose it would have been nice of me to just walk away. Of course, I didn’t.

“Must you do this in such a common area?” I asked.

Keith prevented Macha from falling off the couch, as she was startled awake. “Sorry about the mess, but why should it matter?” she asked.

“This is a personal thing between you two. A beautiful, personal thing no doubt, and I don’t want to inadvertently intrude on your trysts. I think it would bother me if I was in your boots, and I was interrupted. Especially since you know damn well that if I ever do walk in on you in a compromised position, I’ll come up with some killer sarcastic comment that should be carved in stone, and that would be so disrespectful, wouldn’t it?”

“We get enough of your carved in stoners anyway. Why should one more faze me? Afraid you’ll be inclined to join us?” asked Macha.

“In your bleedin’ dreams.” I walked away. Apparently, these two weren’t available, at the moment.

Chapter 6

Lo, Keeper of the Western Gate;

I subject myself to You.

All canvasses my hand shall touch,

Shall picture only You.

All writings shall hence be withheld,

Unless they are to You.

When I tryst with whom was given me,

I’ll think of only You,

And when You’re due to summon me;

Without despair, I’ll run to You.

This I vow upon my soul,

Which now belongs to You.

Ye gods, not another one! What did I do to deserve this? This person was actually sending me stuff. Kyle was getting through to me. I obsessed her. She was living for me, and I was picking it up. I had to put a stop to it, but how? What she wanted was impossible, and I figured this obsession would lead to a more successful suicide attempt in due time.

I never did absorb her. I never did learn her completely. I supposed it was what I had to do to solve this mess.

I visited her dreams. She was ecstatic when she saw me. We exchanged words of greeting, and she was drawn to me like a moth to flame. Actually, she was on fire. She was determined to take me in the conventional sense, of what she knew. I restrained her. I sent her, ‘This is better’, and I absorbed her, sharing a bit of myself with her; letting her know I wasn’t available. Or should I say, ‘trying’ to let her know I was unavailable. It wouldn’t get through to her, in the state she was in.

But I did get to know her. In the process, I got chained and bound. I got wrapped up in a bond from which there was no escaping. I was trapped. I had never in all my days...not from Macha...not from Keith...not even from Thanatos, experienced such powerful feelings for me; and in the midst of that hyper sexed obsession of hers for me, was a desire to serve me, as well. She had a desire to repay me for what I did for her after she had gotten herself hit by a train.

I developed a nagging sort of love for her. I thought she was a major pain in the keister, but she had a ton of commendable attributes, and I couldn’t let her devotion to me for what I attempted to do for her in her past, fall to the wayside. I’d make sure she at least would wake up happy.

Look Westward, lass,

And face me there.

The time is now

For us to share

The beauty you have longéd for.

In fading dusk

You’ll come to me.

Escape the cold

Eternally.

Be mine to hold for evermore.

So take my hand,

Erase all fear.

You wanted me,

Now I am here.

I bid you, enter through my door----

You: One to call me paramour.

The poem was a lie. It was misleading. It was a response to the first thing she sent me. I ingrained it firmly into her head. When she woke up, she’d remember it, and write it down before she forgot. She also remembered that she’d ‘dreamt’ of me, and that I did care for her. She was ecstatic about it for the rest of the day, but reality had to bring her down to Earth eventually.

When I went back to Tech Duinn, I sequestered myself, and shed a boatload of tears.

Hey! I was Irish, all right? We weren’t emotionally repressed! We did stuff like that!

* * *

I hated myself, for what I’d done. I led Kyle on, implying something that will never happen. I'd even encouraged suicide, in the poem. I shouldn’t have moved so fast. I should have really looked it over before giving it to her. I shouldn’t have just given her the first thing my mind had spewed out. Ye gods, I could be such an idiot. I’d keep watch over her the next few months in attempt to rectify any damage I may have done, if I did any damage to begin with.

By now, I thought ideally my kind shouldn’t have anything to do with mortals. It caused so many problems. So what do I do? I end up linked up to one.

At least Macha and Keith were now available to supply a couple of shoulders to cry on.

* * *

Keith looked at my poem. “You just, down and out wrote this. You didn’t think about it, contemplate it, or hesitate over it. You just spontaneously spit it out.”

“Yes, but that’s...”

He cut me off. “Donn, you are incredible!”

Macha said, “It fits so beautifully with the first one that Kyle wrote.”

“But look at what it says! It’s as psychotic as what she wrote!”

“Poetic license,” said Macha.

“You two are not doing me any favours, here. I’m not talking to you to get my poetry criticised. I’m asking you to help me come up with something to help this, uh...woman, if I can call her that.”

Macha raised an eyebrow. “What would you call her?”

“I’d say psychologically, she’s more of a dude, you know?”

Keith adopted a histrionic look of puzzlement, and a hilarious tone of voice. “And she has the hots for you. Does that make her homosexual?”

Macha doubled over with laughter. I wanted to yell at Keith, but I found I couldn’t, being I also busted up. It was more from his delivery than what he said, though what he said was marginally amusing.

These two were treating this all as a joke. Hesper would have been of more use to me. Which inspired me to say, as soon as I regained my self-control, “If you guys keep this up, I’m going to leave and ask my liege, Hesper.”

“I don’t think it’s an issue,” said Macha. “She was already a total basket case before you met, so this can’t make much of a difference. She’s probably still alive, only because of you. Also, she is twenty years old. Raging hormones, you know?! She might get over it.”

I put my arms akimbo, and tilted my head. “How old are you, Macha? Have you gotten over it?”

“Hey! I’m of the Tuatha de Danaan! We never get over it!”

“Excuse me?!” I objected.

“Well, those of us who allowed nature to take its course, and didn’t pattern ourselves after someone like Thanatos.”

“Macha, that’s not how I came to my decision. If I’d met someone like Etain when I was younger, I’d probably have a few children. Now, I am part Thanatos. I have vicariously lived his life. I’ve taken on much of his knowledge, and some of his traits.”

“There was only one Etain,” she said.

“I don’t care anymore. I no longer desire any sort of traditional relationship, and physically, there’s nothing left! I don’t even do anything with myself these days!”

Macha stepped forward. She slowly caressed my face, and her hand went down my chest, to my navel. She walked around me, and ever so gently traced her finger across my back. I didn’t object. It was a test, and that was as obvious to me as the sky being blue on a clear day. I just smiled. No reaction. I pressed the front of my tunic against myself to prove it. “I wasn’t lying,” I said.

Macha shook her head. “You’re gone.”

“As far as I’m concerned, I’m still here.”

“I consider this somewhat of a tragedy.”

“That you can’t seduce me via instincts I neither have nor want? For whose sake?” I asked.

“Mine! Now all hope is gone, isn’t it?’

I turned to Keith. “Keith?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you for existing.”

I walked away. I wasn’t getting anywhere, here.

* * *

Kyle was muddling through. She’d memorised my poem. It seemed to cheer her up, when she needed it. The worthless industry of psychiatry would have had a field day with her. Her life was pretty good, but she hated everything.

Her career was going pretty good as a computer operator. There was some static with her kept boyfriend, but that wasn’t anything she couldn’t handle. She made the money, so she had all the power. I kind of felt sorry for Carl; her boyfriend, but he was getting a free education for the garbage Kyle put him through. They’d had a few fights, but that was over now. Kyle would say that Carl won the battles, but she won the war. I pried, and I saw in the last fight they’d had, she’d raised a decorative sword against him and told him to get the Hell out. She would have swatted him, if he hadn’t flinched and conceded.

He found his parents wouldn’t take him back, so he came to her in tears, promising it would never happen again. Kyle did take him back, and he’d be true to his word. Things got a bit better for them.

Macha would have been proud of Kyle. Of course, I wouldn’t tell Macha about this. I’d hate to see what would happen if Macha ‘adopted’ her. Actually, Kyle had it in her to trade me in for Macha.

Hmmmmm!

Nah!

* * *

“I can’t believe he did that to himself!” snarled Macha. "Desensitising himself like he did?"

Keith shrugged. “I can. He was more than halfway there when we became one. Why are you so upset? You knew nothing would ever happen between you two.”

“I don’t want to answer that.”

“You trained me fully to take care of you, anyway. Someone completely inexperienced couldn’t do much for you, considering how exotic your demands are at times. I don’t see that there’s a problem.”

Macha glared at him. “There’re a few things you don’t know about me.”

Keith tilted his head, and narrowed his eyes. “Probably more than a few.”

* * *

I actually managed to get Hesper on the couch, and I snuggled against him. I was true to the ‘threat’ I’d made earlier to go to him for counsel, and I did resort to telling him all my problems. Of course he couldn’t answer, but it was a pretty therapeutic session for me. My kind can be just as out to lunch as any mortal.

Keith walked in on us. “Any room for me, there?”

I sat up straight, keeping an arm around Hesper. “There is now.”

“I hope I’m not intruding.”

I looked at him and had to smile. “Not really.”

“Are you OK?”

“Things don’t seem to be as bad as I thought they’d be. Everything seems to be working out, but it’s amazing how many things I get stuck with that I don’t want.”

“Originally you didn’t want Macha and I, here.”

“True. She just came uninvited, and sort of took over. Now, I feel I’d be lacking without you two.”

“You care about Kyle,” he said.

“There’s a high degree of ambivalence there, but it goes beyond what I think you think.”

“Her poems to you aren’t something you find every day.”

“Though anachronistic, they are good art. I’m not completely unaffected by them.”

“Judging what you wrote back, I’d say not. Also, she came here. She didn’t end up with Thanatos, or Azrael, or Anubis, or anyone else. The Source put her in your hands. She’s yours.”

Yeah, she’s mine all right. My problem. “I’ll never understand why people like Kyle’s mother have children. So many children are unwanted. Can you imagine if that stopped? If no more were born to people who viewed them as worthless parasites, or only had them to be retirement plans, not offering them a life of their own, or no more accidental conceptions, and all that? If people viewed children as what they really are! Simply souls who are here to learn, and if they let the kids live for their own sake, like the animals do. Just teach them what they need to know to get on in life, and let them go to be themselves.”

“The animals are closer to The Source than mankind, huh?”

“Much. They weren’t inspired to question Its wisdom. They’re much less complex, and there’re fewer layers between them and The Source. They shouldn’t have to face the abuse that people, or our kind, dish out to them. Ye gods, and I used to eat them.”

“Unfortunately, they taste good. I rarely eat, but I think I can give up meat,” said Keith

“I had reservations about eating meat when I was a young lad. My mother told me that the body of an animal was just a temporary housing of a soul that moved on when the body was destroyed, so it was no big deal. It is true, but why should anything be executed for me, when I didn’t even need for the creature to be executed?”

“You still look like a young lad, but you have a point.”

“Yes, forms are better off in Tir na nOg, or any other Etheric Realm than on Earth. I don’t receive animals, because they don’t even need receiving; which is more proof that they’re closer to The Source. If I didn’t know better, I think I’d like animals better than people, and I’d probably question why we only treat our furred, feathered and scaled brothers and sisters like nothing more than a potential meal, and not each other?”

“People eat each other in lots of cultures.”

“But people aren’t farmed to be eaten, and societies frown on people going on the streets, killing a random individual, and taking them home for a pot roast.”

Keith laughed. “Donn, you really have a way with words.”

“So I’ve been told.” I kissed Hesper on the forehead, scratched him behind the ears, and then deserted him to lean against Keith.

Keith ruffled my hair, and put his arm around me. “You’re so much older than me, and you’ve taught me so much in our merging, but because of your form, I feel so protective of you.”

“I don’t mind being mollycoddled now and then.” Actually, I loved it. “Is there a law that says we must outgrow it?”

“I’ve never seen such a statute.”

Chapter 7

I turn to dusk; as you request,

And pause with an unwanted strife.

Can I now justly come to you

Without a fearful price to pay?

Can I decide when’s my life’s queue?

‘Eside your mount, you welcome me.

A gentle smile, a hand outstretched,

Your soft dark eyes beseeching me

To enter distant worlds with you,

In time for all eternity!

Yet dare I go, and ne’er return?

I ask you, can you answer this?

From nature’s law will I have strayed

If I cut my sustaining chord

On your incisive Harvest Blade?!

Just hold me for a little while.

I fear not you, but consequence.

I long to come, yet must I wait

For Him to set me free in time,

Or dare I break my Earthly fate?

Is time my only enemy,

Or is it my naivety?

What shall I do? Where do I stand?

How long must I go on I ask,

Ere I can take the Reaper’s hand.

OK! First, stop referring to me as the Reaper, or a Horseman of Apocalypse, or any of that other garbage. Second, get a life.

My check ups of Kyle had waned. She was doing all right, statistically. Now this! It’s been almost two years later, since she’d written me the last one. Prolific a poet she was not, but what she put out, I thought pretty good for art’s sake, despite the fact that I found it disturbing for something like that to be dedicated to me.

Time for another visit!

More drawings on the walls, and I found this poem was written simply for the sake of sheer creativity. That was good to know.

I felt compelled to answer the poem. I just couldn’t leave without doing so, but this time, I put some thought into it. This was the result:

It’s not time that is our foe,

But lo, that wave of fear in you,

That naught can override.

Now or then, it ends the same,

For our regard shall not nigh wane.

I’ll have you at me side.

Our disunity is brief,

For what are years in evermore?

The moments we shall bide.

Destiny’s for our behalf.

Fate’s law states we shall ‘come as one.

This truth, we’ll take in stride.

‘Til that day arrives, my dear

Defiant one who dare my love,

The moments we shall bide.

I left that imprinted firmly on her mind, and again; I hated myself for it. Why do I do this to myself? I didn’t have to answer her. If there were any more poems, maybe I wouldn’t do that the next time.

* * *

Macha narrowed her eyes. “You’ve never written me anything like this.”

“You’ve never done anything to trigger it. Anyway, I wouldn’t want to encourage you, if you get my drift.”

“You’re one hell of a romantic poet, for having neutered yourself.”

I completely disregarded Macha’s attempt at pushing my buttons. It didn’t matter. In a way, what she said was the truth. “Thank you.”

“How can you write something like this, being what you are? How dare you?”

“It’s art. Do I sense envy?”

Macha shook her head. “No. It’s just so contrary to reality.”

“Who says art has to be true to reality?” I was not enjoying this conversation. I was having a hard enough time justifying the poem to myself without someone else basically saying I shouldn’t have written it. I put my foot down. “Macha, why are you trying to antagonise me again?”

“Do you have to ask? Don’t you know me well enough, by now? How I feel for you, and how unattainable you are?”

“The one thing you want that you can never possess, even for a moment! This thing with Kyle is bothering you, isn’t it?!”

“I’d be lying, if I said it wasn’t. What is she to you?”

“Besides a royal pain in the butt? A case! A job to do! Yes, I also find I love her, though it’s not like what my poetry implies. There, art answers art. Though I’m not that close to her, and I wish she’d value her own kind as much as, if not more than me. I view her more as something of my loose-knit fosterling. I hope she gets her act together, and goes away, eventually.”

“You have no desire for a child?”

“None! No point to it. I have enough distractions. At times like this, I think you’re enough of a child to make me much relieved that I don’t have one of my own.”

“You are so damn frustrating.”

I smiled, “Welcome to the club. Now why do we keep fighting like this?”

“Hey! I am the Morrighan. At least I don’t go after you with a sword.”

“I can defend myself now. Thank you for that.”

“If you defeated me, what would you ask?”

“For you to leave me alone, and accept me for what I am. You do know damn well I have a snowballs chance on the sun of beating you. There’s no point in even trying.”

“I wish you’d allowed yourself to fully mature.”

“This façade is better for my job. I want to appear as unthreatening as possible. Will there ever come a day when you don’t drive me crazy?”

“Probably the same day you stop driving me crazy!”

I manifested a claymore in my hands, and I smiled. “When Mercury and Pluto collide.”

“I thought you just said...”

“I can change my mind, can’t I?” I purred.

Macha tilted her head. “Yesssss! I suppose you cannnnn.”

I bowed my head, and waited for her to manifest her own sword. As she held it in our ritual, vertical, introductory state, I whacked it out of her hands, and put my own claymore to her heart. “Hit!”

Macha hissed, “You bloody bastard!”

I dropped the sword, stood on my toes, kissed her on the cheek, said, “I love you, in spite of what you are,” and walked away.

She was speechless.

* * *

I took on 15 cases, then went back to check up on Kyle. I wasn’t ready for what came next.

* * *

Kyle was almost done writing a book from my perspective, though she referred to me as Thanatos, in addition, giving my character the ‘also known as’ name of ‘Vergil Xanon’ to fit in the public life. She even had Keith in there, but she called him Rhynn McLeod. She got the name of Hesper, correct. Nothing of Macha was in the story; but Nyx was an important character. In the tale, I did represent the Pale Horseman of Apocalypse, Rhynn represented the White, an absolutely gorgeous corn-rowed black dude named Seth Karnak represented the Black Horseman, and Ares; the representation of War, would only have a short mention at the end of the story. It would be about how Keith and I; I mean Rhynn and I, would rescue a character representing Kyle from an almost in progress suicide, and how in the beginning, not knowing we weren’t mortal, she took us in. She’d killed off a character representation of Carl in the story, only mentioning that he’d recently been killed in a car crash, but who she had in reality; married by now. Then it was comical misadventure after comical misadventure, interrupted with some pretty innovative pornography. After the characters that represented us divulged themselves, it was party time, and the pornography went beyond pornography. My, what you can do with a shape-shifter.

Her memories of what had happened on Tech Duinn still being there, more or less freaked me out a bit. Her story upset me even more. Kyle managed to rile me to a greater degree than Macha. How dare anyone attribute the actions of what was written about to me or Thanatos?!

I left Kyle, with no intention of coming back.

* * *

I was not in a good mood, when I got back to Tech Duinn. If that thing is published, it’s not going to do much for the reputation of my greatest love. Knowing it’s really a case of mistaken identity didn’t do anything for me, either.

Thanatos was even given a reason to affect a Scottish accent, due to his association with Rhynn; and though Kyle did miss the boat slightly on that one; it was too close for comfort. The Veil was pretty thin for her.

Kyle hadn’t had much to do with Keith, when she was here. Oh, she’d seen him, and they’d traded greetings, but she never really talked to him. How did she know how close we were? Strangely, in the story I was initially a reluctant lover, though I was easily enough seduced via the Macha technique, of set the guy on fire with a few gentle caresses in all the right places. There wasn’t a day that could have worked with me. I felt violated by that story. I’m not sure I’d ever before been as pissed off as I was now.

I stomped down the halls of the castle, talking to myself, calling Kyle every name in the book, and inventing some new ones. By the time I ran into Macha and Keith, I still hadn’t gotten over it. “I NEVER WANT TO SEE THAT FUCKING TWAT PLUG, BITCH, SLUT, WHORE, PIECE OF SHIT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

The lower jaws of both Macha and Keith dropped in shock. They’d never heard me use that kind of language before, and they were stunned beyond measure.

“What the Hell happened?” asked Keith.

I manifested a copy of the completed story, and I threw it across the room. “THISSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!” I tromped away, and they didn’t dare follow.

* * *

Keith picked up the book. “Shall we read this separately, or shall one of us read it aloud?”

Macha took it, and looked at it. “What Revelation Never Told You? What could make the likes of Donn, so upset? I’d never seen him like that in his life. I never thought I’d hear words like that from him.”

“Twat plug?”

“Why don’t you read it aloud?” she said, as she gave the book back to Keith.

“Where?”

“Main couch, I guess.”

“Sure.”

They transferred instantly, instead of walking.

* * *

“Ye gods! I’d never do that with Donn, and I’d certainly never do a two on one!” said Keith. “How can she represent me as a bisexual? I never... I’m not like this!!!!!”

“So, what’s next?”

“I can’t read any more of this!”

“Is it that bad?”

“Worse! I can’t handle this.”

“The curiosity is driving me nuts. Shall I read it?”

“I’m not sure I even want to hear it. I think I can understand why Donn was so angry,” said Keith.

Macha wrinkled her nose. “This is kind of interesting, though I’ll have to agree it’s not nice to attribute this sort of thing to someone you claim to love, and don’t even know. If you just take it from the psychological perspective, it’s kind of pretty.”

Keith handed her the book. “Here. I’ll stay, unless it gets worse.” He handed her the book.

“It does have a plot.”

“One redeeming feature, but I’d like to speak to Kyle personally about what she did, here.”

“What are you going to do? Knock on her door, and yell at her?”

“I can’t do that.”

“Well you technically can, but it wouldn’t be too wise.”

“I know that.”

“OK, here goes.”

Macha completed the book. Three times, before she finished it, they had to interrupt the reading to relieve what the story triggered.

* * *

“I can’t believe what just happened,” said a dazed looking Keith.

“Strangely enlightening experience, huh?” asked Macha

“That was a bizarre story. Kyle ending up as a mounted comrade to The Four Horseman; changing genders, and having been given the chance to destroy the world by Nyx. She, uh...he ended up like one of us. Not to mention, I was never aware that a story could make me go into heat.”

Macha laughed. “You weren’t the only one, lover.”

“In the story, Kyle’s alter ego really did try to spoil me and Vergil, I mean; Donn, rotten.”

“She meant well, but I think there’s better ways to demonstrate one’s good intention, than by pleasing someone in their imagination by writing one of the smuttiest stories that was ever written about them.”

“I didn’t appreciate her misrepresentation of me, either.”

“Cute how she had you behead that gang in San Francisco, for threatening Vergil and Kelly (She referred to the character representing herself, as Kelly Logan.), or should I say Donn and Kyle?”

Keith sighed. “She made me Ishtar’s creation, instead of yours.”

“I never met Kyle. She wouldn’t have any memory of me. I think I like her though.”

“Well, she didn’t write an instruction manual on your theoretical sex life,” said Keith.

“I admit I thank the gods for that, but we did have a bit of fun, for the story.”

“In a maddened, self-centred, desperate sort of way. Sorry for my lack of finesse.”

“It was interesting. Me thinks we should try to get Donn to calm down, if he hasn’t.”

“Good idea.”

* * *

Macha and Keith had no problem hunting me down. They appeared before me, and Keith offered an embrace, which I accepted. “Ye gods, how could she have done that to us?” I asked.

“It was insulting, but she did have us thoroughly enjoying ourselves in the story.”

“She had me a predominantly...‘gay’ switch-hitter, doing things I didn’t even know could be done. Then there were the orgies, me switching genders for a while just to be taken by Seth, I picked up on contemplations of writing of incestuous liaisons in her future, and this isn’t going to be the last book. I think it’s going to get worse.”

Keith stroked my hair. “As you said! Ye gods!”

Macha put her hand on my shoulder. “She’s in a pretty demented state writing stuff like that, but don’t hate her, Donn. The character representing you was very happy, and enjoyed what he went through. And will you trust me to say that a lot of things she wrote about do feel really good.”

I looked at her. “Voice of experience, I imagine.”

“Oh, yeah!” said Keith. “I don’t like what she did to us either, but maybe if you can read it again, from a more detached perspective, now that you know what to expect. She did give us a lot in the story.”

Macha said to me, “Hey, telepath. Why not wait for her to get that stuff out of her system, and tell her to destroy the work? Order her to destroy the work! I think she will, but it’s having a therapeutic effect on her now, isn’t it? Writing out her perverse phantasies?”

“Why are you telling me this?” I asked.

Keith answered. “She remembered me. She even remembered the name of your pony, though she didn’t get his colouration just right.” Hesper was light tan in the story.

“I’m kind of nitpicking now, but Death is not described as something you’d want to invite to dinner in Revelation,” I said, moving slightly off the subject.

“In The Lost Books of the Bible, Death’s name was Beelzebub, and he was a disgusting creature,” said Macha.

Keith put his chin on top of my head. “Remember the trip to San Francisco, she took us on. How much fun we had, and how much she spent on us. Think of the scenes out of bed.”

I pulled away from him, and looked into his beautiful, eerie eyes. “How can you defend someone who debased us like that?”

“You looked into her. Did she see it like that?”

I pressed the side of my face against his chest. “No. No, she didn’t. She saw nothing wrong with it.”

“Maybe we’re a little too up-tight, about stuff like this, “ said Keith.

“Her writings are even beyond me,” said Macha, “but maybe you should look at the whole picture. I mean, these are her phantasies, and they just happen to have been put on paper instead of remaining in her head. She is really hooked on you.”

I pulled away from Keith a little bit, leaving one arm around him and putting the other around Macha. I looked at her, and smiled. “For the first time, it’s you talking some sense into me, instead of the other way around.”

Macha put her forehead against mine, and then kissed me on that forehead. “Go on. Do another re-read, and find out what the little slut is really all about.”

I had to laugh.

* * *

I re-read it twice. On the third read, I became aware of the many humorous passages in the story, and the fact that Kyle did make fun of herself quite a bit. Yes, my feelings softened up considerably. When I put the book down, Keith was immediately beside me, holding two cups of tea. He had a lychee black for himself, and a China black for me, both with cream. He handed my tea to me and said, “It’s amazing, that you can read that story and all it did was piss you off.”

“Thank you,” I said, as I took the tea. “Not any more. I’ll go and check up on her in a little bit. A lot of this is pretty funny.”

“I’ll agree. I liked that set of quotes, ‘and heads did roll. Five of them, in fact.”

I chuckled. “Like we’d actually go to Earth and kill someone.”

“Even I’ve never killed anyone, and I could best Cú Chulain.”

“Yes, but what’s the relevance? You’ve never spent a day on the Physical Plane.”

“I don’t think I ever will. I know better.”

“Tell me about it.”

Chapter 8

There would be two more books, introducing a total of five more mortal characters to transform to the likes of us. The stories also got...uh...how shall I put it...more surreal, as they progressed. They got so weird; if you get my drift, I couldn’t take anything about them seriously any more. In the last story, Nyx destroyed the world in South Dakota; with all of us standing there, gleefully watching that ultimate insult to injury; Mount Rushmore, come down in the mother of all earthquakes.

Kyle was very pro First Nations. She’d taken a Diné (Navajo) lover, while she was married to Carl. That went over like gasoline on a fire. Oh well. Kyle and Carl were growing apart, they’d been destined to separate from the day they were born, but that would be later.

Ye gods, how she’d upset me with that first story, but my former fondness of her had returned, and increased several fold. She was also three years older since the first book, and though she still wanted me as a...uh...uninhibited bed warmer, she wasn’t quite the same.

In the ‘dreamscape’ scenes, she called me Vergil. She remembered one, where I’d told her my name wasn’t Vergil, but when she asked me what my name actually was, I thought better of it; and told her she could call me Vergil. I mean, who knows what her creative spirit would come up with next, and she wasn’t going to taint the name of ‘Donn’, if I could help it.

Her dreamscape memory would hold mostly scenes of discussions, which she would remember very little of. I gently repelled all personal contact.

Kyle had this obnoxious habit of asking me about what is to be, and how to live her life. The only time I ever went out of my way to tell her of her future, was the time I’d warned her about the Loma Prieta earthquake of 1989 one night before it happened; being she was a Bay Area resident, but I absolutely refused to give her any answers on what she should do with herself. It was her life, not mine. You weren’t supposed to have others dictate your actions. People didn’t seem to like to take responsibility for themselves’, including Kyle. I guess that’s what organised religion was for. So people could feel they didn’t have to. I believed in what Jiddu Krishnamurti said! Truth is a pathless land.

She had asked me how I felt about her books. I told her, I thought what she had done was very inconsiderate. It was also insulting, and none of what she wrote about was ever going to happen. I wasn’t that type of guy. I wasn’t even capable of delivering what she’d written about. The longer I existed, the more I valued my decision to not get involved in non-platonic relationships.

I got to her eventually. After she (unfortunately) handed out five copies of the first book, she destroyed the series. Thank the gods for small favours.

The poetry would continue, on the other hand.

I stand beneath occluded skies,

Under the starless night.

Looking up, I wonder,

Why prolong this fight

Between my fear of consequence,

And my yearning for You,

And Your wondrous realm

That I chose to woo

The time I met You vis-à-vis.

The time I long for now;

Ere my fear set it,

Ere I chose to vow

That I’d set You above what be

Existing here and now.

Can You get me soon?

Set me free some how?

I’ll love You ‘til the end of time,

But touch me so I feel

Not a presence or

A shade, but what’s real

To my perception, without walls

That keep us worlds apart!

Seconds ‘tween our start

Of the renewed and better way

That is our destined end,

Yet I halt my path

To my dearest friend

Out of the uncertainty that

Haunts me, and un-nerves me.

Since I fear to come,

Will You come get me?

To have You hold me in your arms

Again, is so like dreams,

Sometimes when I sit

Alone like this. Seems

Like there is no purpose to me

Being here, when there’s few

Reasons for much bliss,

Being without You.

Yet again, I fear to cross the

Bridge that shall lead to You.

Pale Rider, I ask,

Please take me with You.

Or tell me at least,

When I came before,

Why couldn’t I stay?

She knew better, by now. She knew I wasn’t Death, from Revelation. She knew my liege was a golden palomino. Art for art’s sake, again. Gods, I now loved her poems. All of them! She’d written a few that wouldn’t be in this story, but I found her work rather touching.

* * *

My answer:

When night befalls, look at me.

Pass your dreams, and come to me.

What you ask, I cannot grant.

I want to, yet I can’t.

Life unlived’s not mine to take.

Much to lose, too much at stake!

Just hold on a little while.

The years will pass. A trial

To be faced by everyone.

Lo, not e’en my jo may run

From this fate! I now can see

Past invitations be

Dearly wrong to follow through,

But I too, yearn for you.

Soft now lass, I’ll wait for you.

Take care. Await your queue,

Though I’ll make your passage rite,

Hence now much less of a fight!

And when you transcend past your dreams,

I’ll be there.

These longer pieces would take more time to get through to her. I’d have to work harder, and longer to get her to pick everything up. It would take three or four nights. I also wondered if what I wrote was even possible, or if I even wanted it. Could she come to Tech Duinn with me for an extended period, and would I even want her there for that same extended period.

Macha still drove me crazy at times, and Kyle Shannon drove me even crazier.

* * *

“Vergil?”

I wheeled. I was home in my castle, and I saw Kyle standing there, in Etheric form. Something didn’t look right, in her ‘connexion’ to her body. She was in danger. “What are you doing h...” Oh no! Drug induced out of body experience. I didn’t like the looks of this at all. “Kyle! You’re going to die! What did you do to yourself?!”

“Nutmeg overdose. Can I...”

Her ‘chord’ was wavering.

“Get back to where you came from! NOW! You’re in danger of respiratory collapse! Get back in your body and make yourself breath!”

“But...”

“NOW, DAMN IT! IF YOU EVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS AGAIN, I’LL NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

That sent her back real fast. I followed her, and found she’d woken up, and after a couple minutes of comfortably lying there with no automatic respiratory function, and same couple of minutes in contemplation on whether to live or let herself die; she forced herself to breath with quite a bit of effort. It took a half an hour, before she could breath without thinking about it. I was at her side in the Etheric, so she couldn’t see me. She’d feel a warmth as I caressed her forehead. “Oh, Kyle; why do you have to be such a nutter? Why can’t you settle on life, for a while? It’s hardly forever.”

Well, I knew the answers to that, but hey! I had to say it.

I stayed with her, until she went back to sleep. She’d be incapacitated for a few days. A part of me wished I could just go home and forget about her, and another part of me was horrified that I could think such a thing. I thought about Kyle, Macha, my mother, Etain, Helen of Troy, and I briefly wondered if women were invented to drive men insane. I chuckled. Hey, everyone tended to live different incarnations as different genders, and ultimately gender was irrelevant; but times like this made me wonder.

Oh, Hesper, my liege...my anchor...at least you made sense.

* * *

Currycomb and brush in hand, I really went at it with Hesper. He absolutely loved it. Then I shined him up with a sponge and coat polish, silvered his hooves, and basically had something of a snogging session with him. Keith came up to me in equine form, and transmitted, ‘Me next?’

I looked at him. “Why don’t you ask Macha?!”

Keith transformed to his semi-human form. “No harm in trying, I guess. Hesper really looks like he’s enjoying himself.”

I put my arm around Hesper’s neck, kissed his cheek, and scratched him behind the ears. He scraped his upper teeth on my shoulder a number of times, ‘petting’ me back the only way he could. That was a pretty steep compliment from a pony. “He doesn’t get this sort of treatment all the time, and I’m not going to interrupt our session to groom you.”

Keith went to the other side of Hesper, and started petting him. “This is one impressive looking steed. He’s so small, though.”

“He’s perfect, for a shrimp like me.”

“Amazing how he can just about keep up with my horse.”

“He was given to me by The Dagda. He’s enhanced.”

“No doubt. Oh well. Since you won’t groom me, I’ll see if I can get a back rub with a scented oil from Macha.”

“You do that!”

Keith simply disappeared from my view. I concentrated my attentions fully on Hesper, for a bit longer. Except for Thanatos, I still loved that pony more than anyone.

Chapter 9

I went to the garden alone. It blew me away how most of us were so much like mortals. We had the same flaws, the same priorities, and the same stupid personality traits dealing with pettiness, pointless power plays, lusts, jealousies, tempers, vanities, status plays, and all that garbage. I didn’t think we were supposed to be like that. We weren’t trapped on the Physical Plane; we could more easily find Truth if we sought it; we didn’t age beyond what we wanted; we didn’t deteriorate. We could simply transfer off the physical plane to be self-contained and not need anything.

I thought my sharing tea with Keith and Macha was a step down for me. I sometimes had it alone. I found it’s taste had an addictive quality, depending on what kind it was. I also thought perhaps I was a bit superfluous for creating such a lavish home for myself, though it was a good environment for newcomers to go to before heading all the way to the Otherworld. Could I exist without it?

I suppose I could. Nothing lasts for eternity, save eternity itself, and The Source. I’d be doing what I was doing for a long, long time, but not forever. I certainly won’t be on the Etheric Plane forever. That’s stagnation. When I don’t have to do what I’m doing anymore...when the cycle of the here-now comes to an end and I am no longer needed as I am, I will ascend to the Astral Planes, become one with Thanatos and others of the same ‘Monad’, and then what? Can the ‘I-we’ become long-term tourists of the universe, formless, no baggage, just perception personified to explore all there is to explore, and learn all there is to learn? Well, that’s what the Akashic Library is for, but how does the concept strike me?

I think I’d like it. What happens when one knows everything though? I’m not certain I’d be happy with that. I considered omniscience stagnation, for if one knew everything, what was the point in anything? Is that the day you become re-absorbed by The Source? To become what?! Everything, and nothing?!

Sure. That’s what various Eastern philosophies say. It made sense to me.

None of my relatives ever talked about this. The Dagda may have thought about it, but I couldn’t be sure. When I was a youngster, he seemed to know everything, but then I found that Thanatos knew more.

I wondered how much of me was like it was because of my merging with Thanatos. I obviously wasn’t completely like the ‘too cool for school’ Thanatos. I admit I could be a bit contentious at times, and it should be obvious by now that I did have a bit of a temper regarding some issues. I was often sarcastic, derisive, occasionally obnoxious; I could hardly call myself incorruptible, and despite my virgin status, I did used to want to conjugate for the sake of physical sensation, though I couldn’t do it with someone I didn’t care about, and I just never met a woman who I could care for; not to mention how the home environment messed me up. I never liked disruptive environments, and my father’s infidelity is what prompted the battle zone at home, so I figured it was easier to avoid falling into that kind of trap by not playing the game...unless I found my own Etain.

I never considered a male lover, when I was younger. Men have never spontaneously turned me on, and though it happened in my culture, as well as everyone else’s, no one talked to me about the concept, except in jest. Of course I’d taken on quite a few homosexual cases to aid in transport to the Otherworld, and I considered it a tragedy for the pain and rejection, and death sentences so many had faced for being what they were. I felt every aspect of it, when I’d absorbed them. It could be so damn beautiful, for a couple to risk so much for love.

I didn’t get Antinous, or Hadrian, or Oscar Wilde, or any other more renowned individuals, but I did sympathise greatly with all of them, and wished all cultures could be more tolerant of each other’s inconsequential differences. If it had occurred to me I could become intimate with a male when I was still on Earth, I may have experimented.

After all, it wasn't the same. I would have been more detached from the experience. An experiment is all it would have been for me; although if the lad were a friend of mine, and he was of the sort, I suppose I could have been talked into it being more than a one-time occurrence. Now, however, it was too late. As I said before, I wanted nothing from a psychological perspective and I...uh...well, I’d removed a certain part of my nervous system, so it would never distract me again in any way, shape or form. It was as easy as turning my formerly turquoise eyes black. Shape shifting is a convenient ability. I hope Macha never reads this. I’d never hear the end of it, though from what she'd said to me in the past, I suspected she already knew the technicalities of what I'd done to myself.

* * *

I lucked out. When I interloped on Macha and Keith, they were in a sparring match. An artistic ‘Danse Macabre’, where the uninitiated spectator might turn his or her eyes away if he or she had feelings for either one of these loons.

It was an obsession that I can’t really ‘grok’, but it was fun for me to watch. They both demonstrated incredible athletic ability and Keith always went into the ultra-graceful mode whenever you put a sword in his hand. It was a turn-on for Macha, and most of the time they did leave the arena for an intimate tryst afterward.

Whatever.

In a way, it was strange - the maniacal smile on Macha’s face when she’d bring her claymore down, but Keith would always block it, his face so calm, almost expressionless. The berserker and the ballet dancer! That’s what it was like! Absolutely incredible! I’d have to do a painting of it. I’d start on it as soon as these two were done.

* * *

I spent a bit of time staring at a blank canvass. Both Macha and Keith were so incredibly gorgeous that I just couldn’t make up my mind on who would be shown from the best angle. They always faced each other in their sparring matches, but I definitely did not want to have one with their back to the viewer, and I didn’t really want to paint them in profile. Decisions, decisions...

After much contemplation, I decided to paint Macha in a whirling pirouette, swinging her claymore with perfect accuracy to take Keith’s head off. She’d be at a ninety-degree angle, and Keith would be on the verge of blocking her blow, also at a ninety-degree angle. Macha would look like a wildcat and Keith would look as mystically blissful as he did when he actually sparred with her. Their scant attire would be ripped to shreds. They never cut each other in reality, but I would paint them with some minor wounds.

It proved to be one Hell of a project, and no, I did not finish it in one sitting. The last time I had such a hard time with a painting was when I’d first learned how to do it. It certainly was one of the most complicated pieces I’d ever done. I’d have to do so many corrections; it disgusted me!

Both Macha and Keith watched the progress with anticipation. They liked the concept. When it was done, those two celebrated with a feast. I absolutely refused to join. It was bad enough they had me drinking tea.

* * *

Past my dreams, to your world

You beckoned me.

Now that I’m here, I wish to stay.

Cause for return, I cannot see.

In this realm, rapture reigns

My very soul!

To be with you, without the threat

Of tearing up the heart you stole.

Hold me close, dearest one,

And let me stay.

Please cut the tie that calls me back

To anguish me day after day!

Raze the veil, down the wall,

And rip me not

From you, my love! Death take me hence,

And mitigate what was my lot.

If I didn’t know better, I’d think she just saw a screening of ‘Death Takes a Holiday’ or something. This wasn’t her best piece, but it fit the series. I shook my head. When she did die, if she didn’t get off this tangent, she would be very disappointed.

Hm! Let’s see!

You, who worships me in art and rhyme;

We meet again, on the edge of time.

As I hold you, I can’t help but shed

A tear for the greater sorrows bred

From our union which the laws deny,

And the day that haunts us by and by!

I don’t want to let you go again,

Yet I must, and I do not know when

You can stay with me without avail

To further strife or pain. Let’s prevail

As we are, and wait for you to end

Your Earthly span as meant. I’ll hence fend

Off your unhappiness, and I’ll come

Night after night to your realm to numb

The loneliness in both of us! Now

While you are here with me, love me how

It would be----

If I were like you!

OK! Am I a hypocrite, or am I a hypocrite?

Well, when I invaded her dream to give her that piece, I also gave her a hug and ran my finger down her prominent proboscis. I really wondered what I would do with her when we met again, and she hadn’t gotten over this. In a way it was so tempting to get someone to show me our Akashic Records on the matter; but at the same time, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. It was like the same story, just a different day.

If she died now, she’d find it very painful relating to me, being I wasn’t at all like her phantasies. All I could offer was a mentor-protégé relationship and a bit of light snogging, to the same degree that Keith and Macha got, which wasn’t much. I would have liked that actually. If only Kyle could be more reasonable. I liked her strong, diverse curiosity, her own artistic tendencies, her sense of humour, her generous nature, her hatred for the injustices in life, her love of animals, and her own sorrows for the indigenous cultures that had been destroyed, or were being destroyed right now. We had quite a few things in common. It was what we didn’t have in common that worried me.

Kyle was getting close to thirty, but in a way she was still such a child. Her marriage to Carl Pogorzelski was falling apart too. They were so different from each other, and Kyle also had an ego problem with Carl making so much more than her now. On paper, with Carl’s earnings and investments, the two were millionaires.

When the two finally divorced, Kyle would take nothing from the estate. She simply walked off, cutting all Karmic ties. Carl gave the whole fortune away, quit his job, and he would travel the world for a few years.

Chapter 10

Kyle found herself another companion mighty quick. He’d been shown to her from her Akashic Records, when she almost did herself in via the freight train. She had a memory of him, though she couldn’t remember exactly what he looked like, or his name. She just remembered that he’d be light haired, frail, older than her, a bit tall for her taste, and a stabilizing force. Her anchor.

She didn’t recognise him when they first met, but Kyle was ‘lucky’ enough to have been carrying her new guitar; which she didn’t know how to play yet, and Kevin Foster was ‘lucky’ enough to be dressed in black, and have long, light red hair. Kevin was a damn good musician, though he’d never played in public in his life. Kyle thought he looked intriguing, and she invited him to lunch.

Kevin accepted without hesitation. A fellow musician! How nice! Being dirt poor, he thought the lunch would be nice, too.

The two had everything in common. Before the lunch was over, Kyle decided she wouldn’t let this one go for the life of her. She ended up taking him out to lunch before her swing shift job every day, until he quit his telemarketing position, which was right by her own company. He had told her ahead of time he wouldn’t be coming by anymore, so she asked him for his address, and for permission to visit. She got both.

The relationship stayed platonic for quite a statistical while. They were best of friends for three months, before they became lovers. In that time, Kevin took her to see classical symphonies, which he got tickets to for free, due to having another telemarketing job, working for the San Jose Symphony. They’d move in together in another month.

So, did I lose Kyle?

Hell, no!

* * *

You: Ruler of the Afterworld,

Seduced me beyond reason.

I wait in desperation

To complete our ‘Auld Liaison’!

To remain with you, ‘til time’s end,

I want more than anything;

so raise your scythe, and come to me.

Sever my chord for everything

That I can give, that I can do;

Your mistress for evermore!

Please don’t turn me away again.

Bring me anon, to your realm’s shore.

Look at me with those coal black eyes.

Can you turn me down again?

I’ve lived so long, there’s nothing left

Except you! Come receive me, then.

This life holds no more dreams for me;

Just the pain and misery

That so endeavours in its clutch.

Please take me now, and set me free.

Kevin put up with her psychological two-timing. In fact, he encouraged it. From what Kyle told him about me, he thought I was kind of cool, and he loved our poetry.

Kevin had a strong mystical bent himself, and he saw no reason to disbelieve what Kyle’s near death visions of me had been, or anything else. Kevin, the former acid user, pot smoker, and past-to-present meditation addict; accepted me fully. He’d had enough experiences of his own not to question Kyle.

Of course Kevin had cleaned up his life many years ago, or Kyle wouldn’t have taken him under her wing. She was rather intolerant of controlled substance abusers.

Kevin’s health wasn’t all that good. He had a lot of allergies, respiratory problems and he was structurally frail. His back tended to give out easily, among other things. He also got sick quite a bit. When he got a case of pneumonia, Kyle requested he just quit his job. Kyle alone made enough. Granted, she worked sixty hours a week at the time, but that gave them more than enough to survive on.

Kevin felt a little bad about his new living situation at first, but it did give him time to concentrate fully on his other true love. His guitar.

Kyle herself ended up learning how to play the guitar decently, and they actually would record some of their works. Kyle wasn’t a prolific writer, but what she did come up with was almost as good as Kevin’s. In fact, she had a few pieces that actually measured up.

The two had one of the most wonderful relationships possible. It finally cured Kyle of her damned death wish. It also made her focus on me a little less, though I was far from forgotten. Her drawings of me were still on the walls of her...uh...their apartment.

* * *

I was in the garden with my liege and master, giving him a rubdown; when Macha and Keith joined me. “Hey, Vergil! You owe someone a poem.”

“Macha, please don’t call me that. I’m having a hard time answering from a Scottish- accented, scythe wielding, shrouded, mistress wanting, Greek individual, perspective.

“Ruler of the Afterworld! Ye gods! I’m not Osiris, or Siva, or Hades, or Hel! I am but Donn! A mere escort!”

“Sometimes a shrink,” said Macha.

“Counsellor! Please!” I kissed Hesper on the nose, before turning to Macha. “You seem to be in an playful mood. What goes?” A polite way of telling her she was being an antagonistic little bitch.

“I have to leave here for a little while.”

“You too, Keith?” I asked.

“No! Never! I follow no one to the Physical Realm!”

I raised my left eyebrow. “You’re going to Eire?” I asked Macha.

“Milesian invasion. I have a bit of an obligation to fulfill, and I’m gonna rock!.”

I closed my eyes, and nodded. That’s what it was, to be out of time. On Earth, Macha was focused on about 3500 BC, and I was now concentrating on 1996 AD.

Of course I was getting people from all time frames, but because it was 1996 for Kyle, I saw Earth as being in the year 1996, unless I chose to focus on someone else. Then I would perceive the Earth to be in year 1842, or whatever. Strangely, I couldn’t get past December 21, 2012. It was the end of the Platonic Year, and the end of my era for the planet. The Mayans called it Ahau Kankin. The end of an era in time! For me, it meant I couldn’t access the Earth after that period. It didn’t mean that I ceased to exist. The planet was simply going into another time frame, and I wasn’t a part of it. I’ve never received anyone from beyond that date.

“Don’t miss me too much, huh?” She said with a smile.

I smiled back. “I won’t miss you at all, if you keep calling me Vergil, or referring to me as a shrink.”

She ruffled my hair, and kissed me on the forehead. “You are just so much fun to rile, sometimes.”

I extended my arms. “Hug?”

She accepted my embrace, and hugged me back. “Well, Macha the Crow will fly again,” she said.

“Have fun.”

“I will. Me thinks this will be the last time I ever see Ireland.”

I waved, as she transformed herself into a crow, and then disappeared from our view.

I looked at Keith. “Will you be OK?”

Keith in human form was gone, as soon as I asked. In his place, stood that beautiful, stunningly white snow leopard I saw when we first met. ‘I’m fine.’

I kneeled down with a smile, beckoning him to me. “You conniving, manipulative little... Get over here. You know I can’t resist you when you’re like that.” I was a cat lover.

Keith came over to me. ‘So, do you consider yourself pussy whipped?’ he asked, as he rubbed the side of his face against my knee.

I scratched the side of his face. That fur was as soft as ever. “Well phrased,” I chuckled. “What else could I call it?”

* * *

Keith and I actually ran to the couch in front of that perpetually burning fireplace. My four-footed friend left me in the dust, of course; but it was fun. I dashed all out, as fast as I could go, and landed on the couch laughing. Keith was already there, with one ear sticking up, and one ear sticking out to the side. His eyes were half closed, and he looked expressively comical. “I wish you’d become a snow leopard more often,” I said.

‘Macha couldn’t get me away from you, then could she?’

“Probably not.”

‘I suppose that tells you why I won’t.’

I nosed his forehead. “Maybe I should see if I can find a real snow leopard, who’s willing to live here.”

‘And what would your liege; Hesper, have to say about that?’

“I could ask, but I think he’ll nix the idea.” I put my arm around Keith, and scratched his side.

‘Couldn’t stand the competition, huh?’

“Probably not. What amazes me, is that you’re even more graceful when you spar with Macha, than you are now.”

‘I’d be a fool to be otherwise. It guarantees me getting laid, and having to do very little work. I love being taken by a powerful woman warrior.’

“I deduced that.” I stroked his head, and scratched him under the chin. “At least you’re loyal to her.”

‘I’ve had my reservations about her in the past, and you know my mixed feelings for her before I got a sense of self the one and only time I beat her in the ring, so to speak; but I really adore her. My taste in women isn’t like yours. Etain was beautiful, but she was such a perpetual victim. I like ‘em wild, unpredictable, and dangerous. I also like the way Macha dresses for battle.’

I all out laughed. “She could probably win even if she wasn’t one of the greatest warriors in existence, just because of what she looks like. She’s spell binding.”

‘To everyone but you?’

“Most. Cú Chulain is one that comes to mind that wasn’t.”

‘You deprive yourself so much.’

I picked up his fluffy tail, and rubbed it against my face. “I don’t deprive myself at all.”

Keith hesitated, before answering. ‘Hm! I suppose not. To deprive oneself, one must want what he or she isn’t getting, technically. You are so different from me. I love going to sleep once in a while, while you never do it. Dreams are so interesting. Then, there’s your aversion to food.’

“It’s not an aversion, in itself. It’s a more of a non-issue, though I have taken the philosophy of Thanatos, of not inconveniencing anything for the sake of the unnecessary; and that includes plants.”

‘Fallen fruit?’

“Not worth the effort to pick it up. I just don’t care. Eating wasn’t even the highest priority with me when I was a lad in Ireland. The reason I’m so slight probably had something to do with not getting quite enough food, not that I didn’t have a choice. I used to have better things to do than eat.”

‘Your art, and later; your time with Hesper.’

I ran my hands up and down Keith’s back. “What else is there?”

Keith gave a soft, non-threatening snarl. ‘Why are you only on the Etheric Plane? You seem beyond it.’

“I choose to be here. I have a sense of duty. I’m happy here. I know where I’m going, and I know there’s no avoiding it, and I’m doing what I have to do to get there...on my terms.”

‘My admiration of you knows no bounds.’

I chuckled. “Strange, but I feel the same way about you. You seem so purrrrrrfect. You don’t even have a temper.”

‘I’ve only seen you lose yours once, and I understood where you were coming from. Kyle didn’t do either one of us any favours with how she represented us in that trilogy of hers. Which reminds me! When are you going to answer her poem?’

“I feel so un-inspired right now. I think I’ll visit her after you get back to your regular self.”

‘If this is how you’re going to treat me when I’m a cat, I think I’ll wait until Macha gets back. I'm in a very hedonistic mood, right now. It's been a long time since I've been so pampered.'

“My, aren’t we opportunistic?”

‘If the shoe fits?’

“You never wear shoes.”

‘OK, if the boot fits!’

I caressed his left paw and put my right hand under it. “Or in this case, the paw pad.”

‘Whatever.’

I rubbed my face in the fur on his neck. “Keith, I love you.”

‘I love you too.’

* * *

Me, Hesper, and Keith were kicked back under a willow in the garden, when Macha returned. Hesper was lying in the grass, I was resting against the pony’s back, and Keith was lying down with his feline head resting on my right thigh; getting his head stroked. When Macha appeared before us, she smiled. “How cute! I assume you three have been staying out of trouble.”

Keith made a noise that sounded like a cross between a purr and a growl. ‘Never,’ was his telepathic reply. I got it, loud and clear.

“Keith,” I objected. “Come, come now. If you start anything, she’ll never let us alone again to-gether, even for a minute.”

‘Well, Donn does give good tummy-rubs,’ sent Keith, as he rolled over on his back.

I chuckled, and gave him one of those tummy-rubs. “So, how went the defeat of the Tuatha?” I asked Macha.

“The legends speak well enough for it. There’s a few stragglers to keep the bloodline going, but most of those that weren’t killed, went back to where they belong.”

“I think they were fools to have left the Etheric, to begin with,” I said.

Macha sat on the other side of Keith, and joined me in petting him. “Spoken from one who resides in between the worlds.” She proceeded to cradle Keith’s head in her hands. “Keith, you are so beautiful like this. Will you stay a snow leopard for a while?”

‘Just promise not to fight over me.’

Macha chuckled. “In this case, I don’t mind sharing.”

Macha and I spoiled the feline Keith rotten, with our attentions.

* * *

Finally!

To-morrow’s here, where time stands still,

So stay with me for a while;

Where reality disperses,

And where anguish is in exile.

Come forth now lass; come into me,

For I am eternity!

Know what I know, feel what I feel,

And when time ends, then ride with me.

In my embrace, open now to

The wisdom of the ages!

Explore my mind and soul, and learn

The things written on pages!

In turn for this, I sense your love,

So strange for a thing like me!

The pain, the beauty, so intense;

Beyond all past capacity!

----

No, I can’t let you go again.

Since what you feel, I have felt,

I found that I am also trapped

By your despair, that can’t be quelt.

Please, never go away again.

Stay with me, and let’s reveal

The rapture past all earthly love,

Or lusts; in my realm’s fleeting sheal;

Until He rends the Seventh Seal----

Then ride with us, as Number Five.

Scottish English wasn’t my main bag. Sheal did mean ‘shelter’, but it generally referred to a sheepherder’s shack. Well, whatever! It rhymed.

I liked this piece. It told the truth about what I was into, as far as true intimacy went. The last two lines didn’t really agree with me, but I kept them, anyway. Art for art’s sake, one more time! They just had to be written for the good of the series.

This would be the last poem of the set. Of course, Kyle would still write verses to me, my poetry to her wouldn’t end either, but this conversation was now closed, as time would tell.

* * *

It wasn’t easy being the sole provider for a household of two in Silicon Valley in the 1990s. Rents were skyrocketing, the place was overcrowded, traffic was hell, and the air quality was mighty poor. It was also hot, and both Kyle and Kevin preferred cooler temperatures.

Kyle still made quite a bit of money, but it was tight. She was in the process of building a home studio for Kevin, and the equipment costs ran between three and five thousand dollars a year over the course of several years. The reward was that they ended up with a totally nonprofit record label of their own, and they made several CDs that wouldn’t sell. They’d also had a few underground radio interviews, but despite some pretty decent material, this investment would never pay off from a financial perspective. They ended up giving a lot of their material away for free, and they never got a bad review, but it obviously wouldn’t pay for anyone’s retirement.

At first, Kyle had dreams of becoming a folk-rock star, but that went by the wayside in four years. Not much later, she completely gave up on the music scene for herself, and just supported Kevin’s efforts. Having gotten a computer and going on-line, contributed to that. With Kyle working such long hours, being a news junkie and surfing the web for three or four hours a day, and with the time that the practise of being a guitar and keyboard player took, something had to give. It was the music. So many years of thirty hours a week of sleep was taking its toll.

She also gave up her drawing, and sporadic painting. She was too burned out to give life any more work than what was necessary to maintain their standard of living by the time I delivered my last poem of the ‘conversation’.

That was the bad news. Now for the good!

To my pleasant surprise, I found they’d adopted a street cat, when it was a kitten. It was an elegant, exotic, rather large, copper-eyed black beauty, with a long face; that suggested it might have had some non-domestic blood. Kyle actually had a telepathic bond with that cat. She would wake up to let him in, from meows heard in dreams, and when ‘Percy’, as they called him; wanted something, Kyle would always figure out what it was. Maybe not on the first try, but within a couple of minutes!

Kyle had read on how the Native Americans had communicated with animals, and she adopted it with fast results. She knew about the picture thoughts, and she used it. The problem was, once one learned to communicate with a cat, and one loved that cat, they were immediately owned. It was just like Hesper and I. Percy got the title of ‘head of household.’

Indeed! Percy got two pounds of shrimp every week, organic cream, a pound of langostinos once a month when it was available, various fish steaks, and the highest quality cat food; always free of calcium depleting phosphoric acid, artificial flavours, titanium dioxide, and all those other toxic nasties. Kyle only bought brands that she knew were free from floor sweepings, supermarket rejects, road kill, and euthanised pets, among other things.

Kevin had turned Kyle into a label reader. She used to be pretty careless with the neurotoxins like MSG and Aspartame, but Kevin cured her of that. He was also a pretty good cook, and he refused to add anything to his meals that were hazardous to one’s health. They ate mostly vegetarian meals, with occasional kosher/halal killed free-farmed chicken, and just as occasional select seafood. If it was endangered, they didn’t buy it. If it was factory farmed, they didn’t buy it either. They also boycotted all companies that did animal testing. Kevin had never been personally aware of me, but I thought he was quite a wonderful person. He’d done a lot for Kyle; opening her eyes to so much garbage that she’d been oblivious to before they met up.

Kevin! He’d finally come out of the closet regarding the fact he was a woman trapped in a man’s body. Yes, he and Kyle were made for each other. Kyle thought it was great, when he started shaving his legs, and all. She even bought him a few skirts and dresses. He didn’t look bad, dressed in drag. The only thing that gave him away, were things like hand and foot size. His face could have belonged to either gender, after he plucked his eyebrows, and shaved. It wasn’t long before Kyle started calling him her girlfriend, and Kevin loved it.

I was touched by the relationship of these two. It was interesting. It was very psychic, and the two almost thought as one on so many issues. They often said the same thing at the same time. I wondered if they were destined to become one, like Thanatos and I? Were they ‘Monadal’ siblings?

* * *

“These ten poems are some of the best I’ve seen in all my existence,” said Macha.

“There’s eleven,” I corrected

“One’s not part of the conversation. It’s just a self-sacrifice piece, giving you ownership rights.”

“Like I’d even want her?”

“You do love her.”

“Yes, I love her. Not like in the way our poetry implies, but how can I not? She’s got all the right traits, and she’s no longer spending every waking moment imagining me as a conventional lover. She’s trying to make the world a better place in any way she can think of, giving money to environmental causes, Humane Society, Amnesty International, rescuing a cat, a fragile musician, and boycotting companies that do overt harm to the beasties and planet whenever she can. She also used to be an artist and musician, like me. She’s one of those who lives in the service of others instead of in service to the self.”

“Would you like it if she lived here?”

I scowled. “No! I’d like it if she and Kevin lived here, though I think if that happened, neither Kyle nor Kevin would be of the gender they are now.”

Macha laughed. “How did they find each other?!”

“Divine ordinance. Kyle was shown Kevin by the Sybil in 1977, from her perspective.”

“You better hope Kevin doesn’t find you as sexy as Kyle.”

I said, “Kevin likes women. He’s a lesbian trapped in a man’s body.”

Macha looked like she didn’t know whether to laugh, or shake her head in disbelief. She settled on a simple, “Oh.”

“And Kyle couldn’t care less, one way or the other.”

Macha shrugged. “They sound like a very progressive couple.”

“They sound like they shouldn’t even be on the Physical Plane anymore.”

“I know how you’re afraid to find out how the future is to be, especially when it deals with you and the ones you care about, but shall I see what the purpose of those two is? Why they’re alive?”

“Don’t tell me about it, if you do.”

“Even it it’s good?”

“The information would mess me up. Trust me! No!”

“We both know their days are severely numbered,” said Macha.

I narrowed my eyes. From Kyle’s perspective, I knew a lot of the future Earth from the cases I’d taken from it. I knew not the future of every individual, however. “Maybe. Not everyone dies before the transition.”

“Does your death obsessed Kyle intend to survive?”

“She is not mine.”

“Since you’ve taken this position, you’ve never paid any attention to a mortal before her.”

“We did do a good poetic collaboration. She inspired me in my art, but...”

Macha interrupted. “Would you miss her if she lost interest in you?”

I hesitated a long time before I answered. “For a while, I think.”

Chapter 11

I was alone in the tower, as I reflected on what Macha and I had said to each other. Macha was right! I’d never expressed an interest in a mortal before, since I’ve come to Tech Duinn. It made me wonder of my motivation.

Kyle was thirty-eight, but I still didn’t consider her an adult. Considering some of the stunts she pulled, it was hard to see her as such. One time she told the aristocratic owner of a Vietnamese restaurant they always ate at, that Kevin’s grandma could drink through her nose, and that Kevin came from a long line of ‘nose drinkers’, right out of the blue. Kevin about died of embarrassment, but he explained that there was a folk remedy of pouring salt water up the nostrils to clear one’s sinuses when one had a cold and it seemed to work.

Kyle had a pretty morbid sense of humour that many would call sick, including me. She went heavy on the cannibal jokes, and it was never in good taste. If there had been a Dayak restaurant in the Bay Area, she actually would have called them to ask if Madurese Flambé was on the menu. The Dayaks were a ‘former’ headhunter tribe in Indonesian Borneo, and recently in Kyle’s time they were at war with the Madurese who had settled in Dayak land, thanks to Indonesian policy. Quite a few Madurese were killed, and a few did get eaten. Then there was a time when Kyle saw a news story that a person in Cambodia could not be charged with a crime for eating a person, being there was no statute against it, as long as you hadn’t killed them. Kyle told a bank teller; again, just out of the blue, “By the way, did you know cannibalism is legal in Cambodia?”

The bank teller actually replied, “You know, you’re the second person to-day, who told me that?”

Kyle about hit the floor. Let me not dwell too much on the fate of many children of the famine-ridden North Korea. Let’s just say it supplied endless material for Kyle. She and Kevin would stage provocative conversations on the subject in public. Thank the gods, they were usually...uh...always ignored.

Kyle loved doing guerrilla theatre. Ordering ‘chicken-catch-a-loyalist’ was a must do at all Italian restaurants, and she had ordered ‘radiator pasta’, as opposed to ‘radiatore’, which...well...does mean radiator in Italian, but it’s not the most polite thing to do. When the wait staff saw her tip, they always forgave her. She tipped ridiculously high. It was standard practise, and it elevated her in my opinion.

Kyle took only what she felt she needed from life, and gave the rest away. Ideally, she didn’t believe in the concept of ‘economy’. She held in great esteem, the way of many of the Plains Indians of the U.S. The more you gave to your community, the higher was your status.

Life would be so much better, if everyone lived like that. Of course, I knew better than to hold my breath over the concept becoming standard practise in what was left of my era...to...uh...Kyle’s perception. Being in reality, my era was eternity, you know?

* * *

I still couldn’t discern what Kyle was to me. Just someone I cared about more than I should, I guess. I couldn’t put a label on her, other than her being something of a kook.

I was having an odd moment here, but statistically, I didn’t think about her that much. It seems like whenever Macha or Keith brought her up, it was the only time I dwelled on her, ninety nine odd percent of the time. Well, then there were the times she’d mentally fax those poems to me, but that was mostly it. I mean; I didn’t even have any intention of putting a painting of her on the castle wall. Quite frankly, she didn’t measure up from an aesthetic perspective. She didn’t look that bad, but she was no Keith, or Hesper, or Macha.

That was another thing about Kyle! She thought getting decked out, following any type of fashion trend or following the social norm of what a woman was supposed to do to herself was superfluous these days. She’d done it in the past, dressing up in a mixture of Alice Cooper, Mötley Crüe, and standard Goth – face paint included. She’d go to San Francisco or Berkeley like that in her early twenties and just be part of the scenery, though when she had the cash to spare, she’d adopt a homeless person for the day, always ‘in costume’. My, the things you can learn from the other side of the tracks.

One real cool, late middle aged, very intelligent dude of African descent, named Thomas Hobson that she took on, introduced her to a Samoan prostitute, a lady drug lord, and his better off daughter. Thomas only let Kyle buy coffee for him, but they hung out all day. Thomas liked the naive, protected, curious, not quite colour-blind Kyle. He liked her attitude, of “You’re different from me! Teach me something!” Thomas wanted to keep in touch, but Kyle said no. She had a pet college student she was committed to at the time this happened and she told Thomas that. She did leave him with forty dollars, though. Kyle often thought about Thomas, and wished later that she had let him keep in touch.

Don’t we all have our regrets?!

* * *

I was so deep in my thoughts; nothing else existed. From behind me, a hand went on my shoulder. “Donn”, came the beautiful feminine voice, I knew so well. I don’t think I’ll describe my reaction, since...uh...it was a bit beneath my dignity. Well, other than the fact, that in my current form, I was not capable of making a mess on the floor, so I can describe what my reaction was not.

“Macha, will you please not do that to me again?”

She stifled a chuckle, and did not apologise. “Donn, I just had to ask you a few questions.”

“All right! You know, me thinks if I’d been a mortal I’d be having a cardiac, because of what you just did to me?”

“But you’re not, so it’s a non-issue, isn’t it? I will heed your request not to do it again, though. I mean, out-ranging Robert Plant that close up is a little hard on my hearing.”

I smiled. “You are the ultimate bitch! Now, for your questions?”

“Have you looked in front of a mirror lately?”

“I don’t make a habit of it.”

She grabbed me by the shoulders, and suddenly we weren’t in the tower anymore.

Being involuntarily transferred like that without warning can be hard on you. I get light headed, and tend to hit the floor. Sometimes, I may feel like I want to toss my cookies, even though I have no cookies within me to toss. Anyway, Macha was kind enough to look out for me, and she held me steady.

She took me to her personal room. There were quite a few mirrors there. It screamed luxury and hedonism, with satin and velvet, and cherry wood furnishings. We landed in front of a mirror.

“Step outside of yourself, and look yourself in the eyes. Then look at the rest of your face. What is your impression?”

“Jailbait!”

“Can you be a little more descriptive?” She backed off and sat on her bed.

I looked more closely at myself. “I look like a girl. Pretty, like I’ve been told. Innocent, gentle! I suppose one could say I looked angelic.” I turned to Macha, with a raised eyebrow, “Quite an illusion, huh?”

“What do you see when you see Keith?”

“A potential snow leopard to cuddle.”

“Donn, you know damn well, what I meant!”

“I can be a bitch too, can’t I? Why should you have a monopoly?”

“I’ve been doing it longer. Keith?”

“Just looking at him, if I’d never seen him before? He’s the most Sidhe thing I’ve ever seen in my life. The glowing red eyes and snow-white colour are unnerving at first, but he; being based on me, also has that gentle look to his face. He’s a paradox.”

“More!”

“He’s borderline handsome. With his appearance of greater age, he looks a wee more masculine than I in face. He’s more graceful than anything on two feet, and in mock battle, he’s even more graceful than anything on four. His fangs are a nice touch. I think he’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in human form.”

“More beautiful than I?!”

“Little bit.”

Macha smiled. “If I didn’t agree with you, I’d slap you!”

“No you wouldn’t.”

“I thought intrusive telepathy wasn’t allowed in your house?”

“It’s not. It was the way you said it. I didn’t have to read you. Now why are you asking me this?”

Macha lay down, in a rather seductive pose. “So you can go back to your room, and think about it.”

I stepped toward her, and pointed a finger at her. “You little berserker...”

I couldn’t say anything more. She grabbed my arm, and suddenly I was in a place I didn’t recognise. Macha caught me before I hit the floor, and gently sat me down. “I hope you forgive me for doing an add on to your castle.”

She then simply disappeared.

The walls had gas torches of every colour the elements could burn at. There was a spa in the middle of the room, and it was surrounded by intricate stone statuary of ‘mythical’ creatures. The room also smelled of a heavenly mixed floral scent, and it was a bit on the steamy side.

The scent came from the water. I kneeled down, and enabling myself to feel, touched it. It was oiled water. Very oiled water. The water felt like it was exactly body temperature, and it was so turbulent, it looked like it was boiling.

Interesting. I stood up, and walked out. So now, Macha was doing upgrades to the castle. My, she had nerve. And she put it at the base of the tower. It was just created now. It was beautiful, I liked it; so I wouldn’t yell at her. It seemed like a good place to meditate.

This was the only source of water in the castle. There was no plumbing of any sort before this. In Etheric form, we were immaculate. We emitted nothing of any sort, so why put any sanitation facilities in? Of course, Macha’s little project was not for the sake of sanitation. I wished her and Keith the best of fun, but I wanted no part of it. Not now, anyway. Of course, I reserved the right to change my mind.

* * *

Macha and Keith were in the new room. “This is quite a display, but my clothes are sopping from the steam,” said Keith.

“Imagine coming in here, after a ride on a cold and stormy night.”

“I don’t want to do that to our horses again. Anyway, this castle is so damn cold in the winter; you don’t even have to go outside to freeze your buns off. Just standing on the other side of the door, will do it.”

“Want to step out of time, freeze our noogies off, and jump in the water?”

Keith cocked his head. “Last time we were intimate, you didn’t have noogies. Has something changed?”

Macha laughed. “Idle expression. Hell no!”

“OK! Take me to another time!”

Macha embraced Keith, and if I’d been there, I would have seen them disappear. To them, it would now be mid-winter.

* * *

Keith unlaced his boots in the hall. “I’m going to get frostbite before I get one boot off. Why can’t we just de-materialise our attire?”

“Simply to appreciate the relief more.” Macha was struggling with her own clothing.

“I’m glad I don’t have as intricate of an outfit to get out of, as you.”

“Excuse me, but you are going to wait for me.”

“Am I?”

“Yes!”

Keith materialised a very sharp knife, and helped Macha out of her ‘intricate’ attire, by shredding it. “OK.”

Macha narrowed her eyes. “If you were anyone else...I swear!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah!” Keith took the knife to his own clothes, and opened the door to the ‘sauna’. He walked in, and gave a sigh of relief. “Ye gods, this is nice.”

“You’re telling me,” agreed Macha.

Keith stepped into the water; going down the little stairway Macha had placed into the pool, then sat down on the stone side bench, to submerge himself to mid-chest level. Macha followed him, and sat beside him. Keith placed his arm around her shoulders, and Macha placed her arm behind his back. With her free hand, Macha brushed Keith’s bangs back from his forehead. (Yes, Keith and I wore bangs.). Keith pulled Macha a little closer, and brushed his cheek against hers. “This is so different,” he said

“Almost as good as one of your backrubs,” said Macha.

Keith smiled, and closed his eyes. “A bit more relaxing than one of yours.”

Macha slid her oiled hand up his chest, and traced a finger up his neck. “I wish I’d thought of this before.”

“Can we please hold off on what we know damn well is going to happen before we get out of here? I want to enjoy this place, and you in a different way right now. Can you face me, and get in my lap?”

Macha got up, and straddled him. She wrapped her arms around him, and he did the same to her. They rested their heads on each other’s shoulders, cheek to cheek. They stayed like that for a long time, as they shared each other’s lesser thoughts in mutual embrace.

* * *

I got inundated with cancer victims from Iraq, Afghanistan, Eastern Russia, and all of Southern Europe. They were from 2003, and it was going to get a lot worse, before it got better. The radiation levels were amazing, and the population level of Planet Earth had reached its apex, although the ‘official’ statistics wouldn’t dare admit it. Not with the world running economies depending on unlimited growth in future consumers. What would really be the cornerstone of disaster; was the manipulated peak oil factor, and debt implosion. That was just around the corner.

These cases were easy. They welcomed me with open arms. Especially those who ‘died’ without pain killers, and that was the majority. I took on a huge consecutive load. It was over two hundred, not that it really mattered in itself. What did matter; is they were all from the same time frame. It was interesting, but it didn’t really sadden me, or anything. Actually, what I found more troubling was the thought this had to be dragged out. If I’d been The Source, I wouldn’t have let things get this bad, but I’m hardly the wisest individual in existence. So somewhere there was a point to all this suffering, which was so gratuitous in my own humble opinion.

When the stream of newcomers ended, I was lucky enough to be treated to an electrical storm when I got home. It was early autumn, and it was a doozy. I ran up the steps of the tower, taking the spiral staircase two or three at a time. Being what I was, I had no trouble reaching the top un-winded. I liked to run. I rather wished I had a feline Keith to join me, but that was not to be in the here and now. I got to the top just in time to hear the thunder crash.

There were no glass windows in the tower. It was wind-whipped and cold up there to those who could perceive it, though I never allowed myself to do so. I was an observer who could be seen, and was affected by gravity as much as I chose. My touch could be felt, or maybe not. I could pass through a wall if I wished. I could have a cup of tea, or I couldn’t pick it up. We were all like that! Solid, holographic or somewhere in between!

The storm was affecting me like a drug. Perhaps I wasn’t immune to negative ions. The power, the beauty and the awesome displays of lightning just had this effect on me. I couldn’t describe it short of bringing me into an ecstasy. This always happened. A part of me wondered if I should take Hesper out in it. A ride on the beach would be such a trip. Hesper would catch my mood, and he’d get off on it almost as much as me.

Unfortunately, I’d waited too long. This one was ending. The rain still came pouring down, but the lightning strikes and claps of thunder were dissipating. Damn!

I walked down the steps a lot more slowly than I went up them. When I got to the hall, I walked past the new addition to the castle. I turned, and looked back to it.

Oh, what the Hell! I walked over to it, and just ‘knowing’ there was no one on the other side of that door, I walked in.

I walked the perimeter. I looked at all the torches. White magnesium flame, green barium chloride, blue copper chloride, red strontium carbonate, and all sorts of other things for one of the most incredible light displays I ever saw.

I kneeled by the spa. I let myself feel the water, again. Oh, that looked good, and smelled better.

I got undressed by willing the clothes away. I didn’t want to bother with taking it all off, piece by piece. I stepped into the water, and when I started walking to the deeper part of the spa, I got to one area where I was suddenly bombarded with a strange contrast of love, peace, and being royally on fire in such a way that I couldn’t, yet did feel. I walked past the area, and the feeling went away.

It was so odd! I didn’t know what to make of it. I backtracked, and there it was again. If I was in one specific location, I was inundated with those intrusive feelings and sensations.

I was alone! What was going on? I was feeling something I’d killed! It was so antagonising, that I ripped myself away from the area. The love and peace was nice, but the physical sensation wasn’t something I could deal with very well. All I had to do to get rid if it; was to step out of that one small space.

I scowled. I reached forward into that space. Only my fingertips! I was inundated. I kneeled on the stone seat that surrounded the pool, and grabbed hold of the edge. I scuttled out of the area again. You can imagine my internal conflict, here. Curiosity, fury at feeling a revived sensation that I thought I’d eliminated, a draw to that same damn sensation, since it felt so good...but there was no one here, and I did nothing to encourage it. I felt very weak because of it. It was like I’d been injected with a powerful muscle relaxant.

It was physically impossible for me to feel the way I did. That part of me was dead. “Macha, what are you doing to me?!” I whispered. “Please stop! This is the worst case of psychological rape that...” I just trailed off, mostly talking to myself, but who else could be responsible for what I was feeling. She’d threatened to do something like this to me, so many times in the past.

I tried to pull myself out of the water, but I collapsed. I was like Jell-O.

I tried to stand, but my knees gave out, and I had to grab the side of the pool. I had to get out of here.

A message came to me. ‘You’re not feeling your own feelings, Donn. Why don’t you stay?’

‘Keith?!’

‘Goddess, she’s good. I’m here with her, in another time. You feel what we feel, when you overlap with us. We know this is bothering you, but is this wrong? You say you vicariously experience this all the time with those you help to the Other Side.’

I panted. ‘Not like this.’

‘I feel what you feel, too. Both of us do. Come on! This does not implicate our relationship. It’s simply a shared sensation, from location overlap from different times. Don’t be so upset.’

I backed away from the area. “No! I can’t do this!” I said aloud. “You two are such a corrupting influence, sometimes.”

‘Corrupting? For asking you to share a cup of tea with us?! For asking you to join my rapture?! Do you know how much I love you?’ asked Keith.

Macha interrupted. ‘Donn, I will never take you. You will stay as virginal as your dearest Thanatos. What is happening now will never happen again. Just stay with us. Please! I love you as much as Keith. Let us share this one time with you.’

“If you love me so much, please stop this. I feel so damn weak in your space I can’t even stand up by myself. Just let me get out of the whirlpool. The room.”

‘Go, then.’

I dragged myself to the entrance of the pool, and looked back. A part of me felt relieved, a part of me felt like I was the biggest fool of all time, for walking away from the most intense sensation I would now never feel. UNCONDITIONAL most intense sensation I would now never feel.

I broke down! I back tracked, and sat down in the middle of it all. Would I ever forgive myself? Would I ever forgive Macha and Keith?

But I’d intruded on them, unwittingly. They weren’t to blame. This was an accident.

I just sat there, and closed my eyes. I didn’t move. Not until I threw my head back, with bared and clenched teeth. I never thought a journey to culmination could be so long, so agonisingly slow, so delicate, so irritating, or so almost painful. Ye gods, did I welcome the release. I guess there’s only so much you can do, under water.

Never again!

Chapter 12

For the first time in what seemed forever, I actually wanted to go to sleep. I just wanted to lie down in a heavily curtained canopy bed, and escape myself. I had a hard time digesting what had just happened to me. It had occurred at my own choosing, and from a sensualistic perspective, I think that took the cake right before it was over, but at the same time I felt violated and disgusted with myself. I couldn’t handle it. If I were capable of getting drunk, I might have done so, just so I wouldn’t care. I’d have to become completely physical to do that, however, and I wasn’t that desperate.

If I’d walked away, I think I would have hated myself for walking out on such a novel experience. Sometimes, you just can’t win. What I’d been through, seemed a little voyeuristic, in a completely different light. To inter-dimensionally experience the intimacy of two others’ sensations like that was so...so...oh, I don’t know. I can’t think of a word for it, but it seemed kind of low class, even if those two did insist I stay.

A part of me wanted to talk to my grandfather, but I just couldn’t face him with my dilemma. I knew he’d come if I beckoned him. He was always there for me, but this was so stupid, and so personal. Nah! ‘Keith! We have got to talk! Please!’

He was before me, before I could finish the thought. “Donn?”

“To the main couch!”

We transferred instantly, and sat down.

“I assume you’re not dealing with what happened very well,” he noted.

“Damn right.”

“You didn’t have sex. What’s the problem? You’re still in the same state as Thanatos.”

“I wish I was innately more like him. I think he would have simply taken note of the unusual phenomenon and walked away.”

“Or if he did stay, he probably wouldn’t be making such a big issue over nothing,” said Keith.

“I’m half tempted to go ask him.”

“If you went to see him, you’d never come back here again!” Keith said with a sad tone.

I jerked my head in his direction. “That’s why I never make an effort to see him. I’d never leave him again, unless he banished me and then... Ye gods, I’d be devastated beyond measure. I’m not supposed to see him again while I have this form. That’s what was conveyed. I can’t go to him. My subdued obsession is off limits in the here-now.”

“Why are you so hung up on this? I can’t believe you’re the grandson of Eochaid.”

“I have to think about that.”

“Identity crises with Thanatos? Does that have anything to do with it?”

“But I am part him.”

“You are shared memories, and from what I know about him, you’re more like him than any of the other Tuatha de Danaan. Still, you’re not him. You aren’t even the same type of entity. You’re both Death gods, but...”

“I am NOT a god.”

“Sorry, but you have been as deified as Danu. According to legend, you’re almost as mysterious. The Dark One! The Aloof One, they call you.”

“Until people start reading this book?”

“If it catches on.”

“Yeah, I guess I could be called aloof. I don’t have much in common with my tribe, but how much do I have in common with you and Macha?”

“Isn’t love enough?”

That line hit me pretty hard. “Keith!” I convulsed once, and a tear rolled down my face.

He extended his arms. “Come ‘ere, kiddo. I know you’re really older than me, but sometimes I can’t fathom it.”

I took his invitation, and he held me. No, I wasn’t embarrassed by this moment! I wasn’t the macho type, and I was comfortable enough with my masculinity to cry like a ‘girl’.

I actually ended up falling asleep in Keith’s arms.

* * *

When Macha came across Keith and I, Keith warned her, ‘Please don’t speak your thoughts aloud. Let’s not wake the laddie.’

Macha sat beside us, careful as not to disturb me. ‘What I wouldn’t give, to be in your boots.’

‘Like he would trust you?! With all the threats you’ve made, and after what just happened to him?’

‘I’d never make due on those threats. I love him too much. He’s not even my type, though I do like rattling his cage every once in a while.’

‘I noticed. You two have some pretty wild and witty, derisive conversations.’

‘He’s never slept here before. This is the first time.’

‘He really needed to get his head in gear.’ Keith scowled. ‘Thanks to the relationship of his parents and his idolisation of Thanatos, he can’t handle the concept of his own sexuality at all.’

‘I wasn’t aware that he had one anymore. He’s destroyed it.’

‘Basically. Let’s make sure nothing like what happened ever remotely happens again. At the time, with what you did to me, I couldn’t see how something that good could be unwelcome by anyone, but I wasn’t exactly in the most rational frame of mind, for some strange reason. I hate seeing this one in turmoil. I had to do all I could to hold back my own tears, in sharing his discomfort.’

Macha couldn’t resist the urge to stroke my hair. No, it didn’t wake me up. ‘My dearest one-time protégé...’

‘Please never threaten his innocence again. He does retaliate in a most comical fashion, as I’ve heard, but he doesn’t really appreciate it.’

Macha smiled. ‘You’re very protective of him.’

‘Because of his appearance, and how he is, sometimes he seems to me the son I can never have.’

‘I can understand. He’s really a sweetheart. I’ll make a conscientious effort to lay off certain subjects on when I feel a need to express my sometimes sarcastic nature.’ Yeah, right!

* * *

Dreams! My grandfather came to me, and greeted me with a much-needed hug. In that dream, he took me to Thanatos. I was absorbed again, and one sentence from my love remained with me upon waking. “The incorruptible don’t compromise.”

I awoke with a start, and I had both Keith and Macha wrapped around me. Macha traced her index finger down my nose. “You all right there, laddie?”

I smiled, and paused a bit before answering. I really did feel much better. “I think so. I guess I’ve been being too self-centred, and perhaps a bit too sensitive.”

“Donn?” said Macha.

“Yes?”

She took me in her arms, and kissed me on the forehead. “Don’t change! Don’t EVER change!”

Chapter 13

I have been sent many other pieces by Kyle, too numerous to put in this story. Some were silly, some were bawdy, and I must admit I wrote back in kind. In year 2001, Kyle dug up my true identity, and that Celt-wanna-be just went nuts with the Celtic and general mystical research. I got one very precious song from her. It had a beautiful tune; that passed for Celtic. It was called ‘Take Me’.

Take me back to Tir na nOg,

Take me back to Eden.

Take me to where the truth is true,

Take me to the Akashic light.

Take me to the one I love,

Please take me back to you.

Take me down, take me fast; take me easy.

Take me to where we were before.

It’s been so long, but I can’t forget.

Please break the rules, I do implore.

Take me back to the Lost Garden,

And the place of Akashic Dreams!

Take me to the realms of peace,

And where reality’s what it seems.

Chorus

Take me home; bring me back forever!

Never let me go again.

I’m through with these illusions.

Please destroy my current trend.

I’m dying now from missing you,

I can’t keep going on.

Pointless quest, after pointless quest;

I can’t wait until this all is gone.

Chorus

Take me out, beyond the edge of time;

Where I can know all your names.

Take me into your arms again,

Take me closer to whence I came.

Take me to where your thoughts caress

My very essence, and my soul!

My angel, oh my demigod;

Take me with the heart you stole.

That was in my opinion, the best thing she ever sent me. I even had the nerve to sneak away where I wouldn’t be disturbed, and perform the piece on an acoustic guitar. It took a few times before I could complete it without breaking down, I was so touched by it. The day I received it was the day decided that I wanted Kyle too. Not in the same way she wanted me of course, but in the same way I related to Macha and Keith. Of course, I also wanted Percy the cat, and Kevin was more than welcome.

I did not share this piece with the others right away.

Kyle wasn’t in San Jose any more. She and Kevin had moved to Castro Valley. Due to a forced career change, Kyle moved closer to her new job. San Leandro was just too far away from San Jose, and Kyle hated commuting with a passion. Kyle was now a computer operator/troubleshooter/CSR light for a Credit Union in San Leandro. The overtime was still there, but it had been scaled back. The money was decent enough, and it actually enabled Kyle to get more sleep. The move also cut a couple hundred miles off her monthly time on the road. Castro Valley was a bit more of a compact town than San Jose. The area where they’d moved to was also a lot nicer as well. They were third story, shaded, and they had a balcony overlooking a good part of the town. It being slightly lower rent wasn’t bad either.

They bought Percy a cat structure for the place. Lord Percy was going to be spoiled more than ever. Kyle’s extra time wouldn’t get her back to the arts. It would be devoted to her beloved ebony furred owner.

I was happy for them. I planned on doing more frequent check-ups on the three of them. Is there even a need to add that I fell in love with the elegant Percy? He was the most adorable ‘black shirt’ dictator I ever did see.

Percy! Once he played ‘rock-paper-scissors’ with Kyle, where he’d put his paw on her hand, she put her hand on his paw, and paw on hand, for a total of five times. Another time, Kyle rested her head on the table with her eyes closed, and Percy bit her nose, front and centre. He also liked to play hide and seek in the bathtub with Kyle. He’d lower himself in the tub, so he’d be out of visual range, then Kyle would lower herself, then Percy would raise himself to spot her, and immediately go down again. He would even request of Kyle to play the game with him, a couple of times a month.

Percy liked to be spoon and hand fed. If he was hungry, he had a specific meow that Kyle recognised, signifying he was hungry. If Kyle was asleep, and he was hungry, he’d ask nice a couple of times. If she didn’t get up fast enough, he’d yell at her. If she still didn’t get up, she’d get bitten. Twice bitten, was enough for Kyle. She usually got out of bed before the third verbal request. The first time it happened, that not so little housecat grabbed a hold of Kyle’s arm, and managed to drag it out of bed. That was the day Kyle stopped wishing her eighteen-pound kitty was a forty-pound serval. The intelligence of that demanding creature was amazing.

Percy was a conscious so-called ‘Astral’ projector, which in reality, was an ‘Etheric’ projector. I seduced him into coming to Tech Duinn, for visits.

* * *

On the couch we were, and Macha held Percy in her lap. He was very affectionate, and intensely demonstrative. He was long-legged, lean, muscular, and his ears were a bit on the large side, adding to his exotic attractiveness. He had one hell of a long tail, but if he didn’t, he might have passed for a housecat-caracal hybrid. Macha and Percy were nose to nose before Percy decided to scent mark her cheek with his own. “So, why are we borrowing Kyle’s cat?” She asked.

“Kyle’s liege,” I corrected. “That’s Lord Percy, you’re talking about. Because he’s one available feline when Keith isn’t.”

Keith narrowed his eyes. “I may be many things, but house pet isn’t one of them. It’s nice once in a while, but there’s a multitude of things I’d rather be doing than laying around all day, with you two fawning over my temporary felineness.” He looked at Percy. “So, Percy! When do I get the pleasure of having you as a lap cat?”

Percy actually looked back at Keith. Keith sent the cat a picture of what he wanted, and Percy walked out of Macha’s lap, and into Keith’s. Of course, Keith made the transition worth Percy’s while, being the expert here on how a cat likes to be treated. Macha objected. “Percy! Come on! I’m not good enough for you?”

Percy didn’t acknowledge her. He stretched out on Keith’s lap, and then stood up on his hind legs to press his nose against Keith’s. Keith kissed the cat on the forehead, and held him as he rubbed the side of his own face against Percy. Keith would prove to be Percy’s love in this castle.

Keith would be dressing a little more conservatively when Percy was around. Tunic, breeches, and boots, rather than loincloth and boots! Having a cat perched on one’s shoulder doesn’t mix too well with same shoulder being bare. Percy would be here of his own free will when he was ‘asleep’ on Earth. We’d have more of that cat’s company than Kyle.

* * *

Four peasants from the French Revolution, two sacrifices to Tanit, and one herbalist healer cooked over an open fire. Light day. I spent more...uh...‘time’ on the healer than I had to. Being burned as a witch for helping people was ridiculous. It happens all the time, though. Not necessarily with fire, but even in Kyle’s time, holistic practitioners get legally reamed. And the legal pharmaceuticals kill people left and right. O-Kaaaaayyyyy!

Physical life! If it works, destroy it. If it doesn’t, keep it going. Exploitation of the masses for the few rules! Whatever! What can I do about it? A mere escort/counsellor/slave to Hesper?! I’m just happy as a lark to be out of the loop. Sheesh!

In a way, Kyle and Kevin are out of the loop, too. Social rebels. If everyone else is doing it, don’t! Keep life simple and overhead low! Don’t pay any more for anything than you absolutely have to. No credit cards, no new cars, and no potential entrées...I mean children. (Kyle, and her North Korea jokes! I swear! She’s rubbing off on me.)

Kyle and Kevin saw no use for children in urban society. Kyle got ‘fixed’ as soon as she got medical insurance, and hasn’t regretted it since. She just saw children as time-consuming, expensive, disruptive, additionally sleep-depriving pains in the rear. Balls and chains! Cats are better! They’re easier to litter-box train. Yes, she always told people that. Kevin was a little easier on kids.

Kevin had a friend in Santa Cruz who had a rather disruptive child named Roger. Kyle and Kevin used to visit them, and this was in the days when Kyle was musically active. Roger threatened to mess with the equipment, and Kyle simply told him, “If you touch that equipment, I’m going to flush you down the toilet!”

It worked. The kid was only three, and he believed her. Kyle did wonder what her threat did to Roger’s potty training, but that wasn’t her problem. Potentially replacing a four hundred dollar amplifier was. Kyle would be laughing over that moment to beyond this day.

Kyle didn’t believe in corporal punishment of children. She thought it was more effective to threaten to pull the plug on them while they were in the tub, so they’d go down with the water, or explode an egg in a microwave, and tell the kid he/she is next, or threaten to suck them up with a vacuum cleaner, or if they were too old for that, there’s the trip to the pet shop to trade the kid in for a hamster. Or the ultimate! A trip to the butcher shop after making the kid watch Soylent Green! ‘Twenty five cents a pound, kiddo. Could make a few meat loafs outta you’. Yeah, chase ‘em with a basting brush! All this never happened, but they were ideas of hers.

Kyle Shannon’s Childcare Manual! Yeah, right!

I am really glad Kyle got sterilised before she had sex. If my mother had done anything to me remotely representing Kyle’s concept of discipline, I don’t know what kind of man I’d be today. My two, two-legged roommates thought I was screwed up enough as it is, and I was treated damn good when I was a ‘crotch dropping’. With Eochaid Ollathair as my main mentor, I was also better off than Alexander of Macedonia with Aristotle. I was a strictly liberal arts type of guy though. Battlefield exploits did nothing for me. Both my father and The Dagda told me the truth about what went on in war, and they embellished nothing. They mentioned the smell, the body parts, the screams and moans of pain, and the reasons why the battles were fought. I was horrified by it all. They were actually reasonable enough not to romanticise war to me. Leave that for everyone else. Well, they made damn sure I wouldn’t follow in their footsteps. I felt I owed those two so much, but I knew the self-imposed debt would never be paid.

Ireland has a long history of invasions. It’s quite a beautiful piece of real estate, but my kind of people didn’t even need it. It wasn’t our home turf. We’d only borrowed it for a while, though our antecedents now won’t let us go. Was what damage we did worth it? Was it necessary to occupy the land and destroy so many, just so our artwork could be known?

Well, we are ranked as a better class of individual than the Formorians, and I kind of agreed, despite the fact that I knew on an intellectual level that we were all equal. The Tuatha de Danaan did do less damage. We also ceded the land to the Milesians after a few too many deaths on both sides, despite the fact we could have whupped their hides, if we had wanted to.

I suppose we all have to make our mistakes. At least my tribe was smart enough to go home after the statistically brief sojourn on Earth.

I got pulled out of my introspective reverie by the snort of the most beautiful pony that ever existed, while receiving a picture of a wanted brush down, as clear as day.

* * *

After the brush down, I took Hesper for a ride in the garden. It was night, and with the torches I had installed, it was absolutely stunning. I’d have to do a painting of some garden scenes later. I’d also have to do a portrait of Percy.

I chuckled. I wanted Kyle’s company now, and have that of the cat she takes care of. Kyle wasn’t a conscious ‘Astral’ or ‘Etheric’, rather Projector. She was more into meditation and mental projection now that she had more time, but she didn’t have enough self-discipline to get out of body at the moment. At least not outside of the normal travel that is rarely remembered upon waking! In those states, she never came to Tech Duinn anyway.

Unfortunately, she still had the hots for me in the conventional sense, but it was nowhere near as bad as ten or eighteen years ago. Her intellectual interest in me had expanded many folds. She often thought about what it would be like to just sit, snuggled up at my side, asking me questions about everything, and getting answers. She had memories of when we’d met in the ‘dreamscape’ scene, where I’d spurned her advances, and she knew how I was, and she was trying to come to terms with it. I could live with her toned down phantasies. I think they’d tone down even more, if she actually saw me on her own terms, these days. Having the façade of a man-child had advantages, if you’re not dealing with a pedophile.

Keith might have a problem, though. Not that anyone would get away with Keith. He was exclusively devoted to Macha. That worked both ways, these days.

The formerly more promiscuous Macha was no longer interested in anyone other than Keith. When asked about it, she would reply, “Why move from a Swiss Chateau to The Black Hole of Calcutta?”

I was too polite to enquire. I’m not sure I wanted to know what she meant, anyway.

* * *

I slid off Hesper, and ran my hand down his left foreleg. Mortal horses were sometimes treated to whirlpool therapy, and they seemed to enjoy it. Hesper was hardly over-exerted, but would he like a trip to the spa? I ‘asked’ him, and he ‘replied’ in his equine way, that he was game. We transferred to the spa, and thank the gods it was unoccupied in this time, or any other.

I ditched my clothes, turned on my senses, entered the water and warned Hesper about the steps. He went in after me. I sat at the side of the deep end, and Hesper faced me, with the water going a little higher than his belly. Yes, he was enjoying it. In fact, he ended up sitting down like a dog or cat, to get more exposure to the jet streams of water. It was a nice, relaxing sensation. I leaned back, closed my eyes, and indulged in another reverie. I might as well have been floating.

I laughed at the concept of, what if we were caught. Me, ‘hot tubbing’ it with a pony! Oh, I’d have fun explaining that one. Then again, Hesper was just as likely to do this on his own; now that he knew the option was available. I moved all my half sopping hair behind my back, and crossed my arms before me, putting my hands on opposing biceps. The oiled water on my skin provided a nice satin texture. If I’d been anyone else, I probably would have gone to sleep; I was so comfortable.

Had I just become a little bit more corrupted, for enjoying something like this? Was I devolving, as opposed to evolving? Wasn’t I supposed to be moving away from this sort of thing?

I looked at Hesper. An innately more evolved creature than I; closer to The Source, than I! He was in seventh heaven.

I guess maybe this was OK, then. I remembered what the Dagda, Krishnamurti, and Maitreya said. Look inward to find the truth. Listen to no one else, and nothing inside me could call this wrong.

I looked at Hesper again, and he looked at me, with his soft, dark eyes. I sent him the love I felt for him, and I immediately got it back, in kind. I reached forward, and stroked his nose with my wet, oiled forefinger. My former anchor, and my best friend! The one who I’ve never had a disagreement with of any kind.

I could become a horse. What if Hesper could become a person? What would we talk about? Would he also enjoy philosophical conversations? If he transferred his beauty to human form, I thought he’d leave me in the dust, from an aesthetic perspective.

We will eventually speak the same language in total. Later. On a higher Plane! I could take us there! Now! I did!

* * *

We were formless, here. Swirling clouds of colours with no name, in the English language! Nothing mattered, but love. Yes, I was one with what was a pony on Earth, but here we were the same. We were on the highest Astral level there was.

Hesper was a beautiful soul. He’d never had a malevolent thought in his whole existence. All that mattered was that I cared for him, and that he could make me happy, right now. What could he teach me? That I worried too much about unimportant things. It seemed to be the way of humanity. People were too concerned with things they shouldn’t be bothered with, like the lives and opinions of others, which was just so irrelevant, unless they shared your life directly. Then you owed them common courtesy, and help in their evolution, if they ask for it.

I’d read that in so many books, and Hesper just knew it. Being I was now an open book to him, he also conveyed that different steps of different evolutionary tracks were reserved for different levels of existence. ‘Go ahead! Enjoy your tea! Your stays in the whirlpool! Revel in what you are, my gentle servant.’ Yes, he actually conveyed that to me. ‘Being ascetic does not make for evolution, if you must fight yourself to be so.’

‘I never considered myself ascetic. I have lots of pleasures that I engage in.’

‘There’s nothing wrong with finding new ones, unless someone gets hurt.’

‘Are you a pony?’

‘Sidhe-like pony! No, I will not become a man, though it is possible. I do have a perfect understanding of your language, but we don’t like using it, because it’s superfluous, as you say. We’ve never lost our telepathy, unlike the day the ability was taken away from humanity. I appreciate that you communicate in our way, with the thought pictures. There is only one way to interpret those, and that’s correctly.’

‘Do you know all this only here, or on Earth?’

‘I am the creation of a Higher Force.’ I did notice he didn’t mention which Higher Force, but it didn’t occur to me to ask.

That explained everything, nevertheless.

* * *

We transferred back.

In the whirlpool, I stretched my left arm out before me. I gently traced it with my right hand, from hand to shoulder. I then stood up. I transferred myself out of the water, and was dried and dressed immediately. “Hesper, thank you for that. If you like the whirlpool, you stay there until you’ve had your fill. I have to go. I have to be alone for a while.”

Chapter 14

I did another add on to the castle. The room was huge, the walls were completely mirrored, and the floor was solid ice. Revel in myself, Hesper told me. OK! Ice skates on.

I loved what Keith looked like, when he sparred with Macha. The artistry of his sword dancing was amazing, and sword dancing was the only thing I could call it. I had a desire to duplicate that grace, but in my own way. The sword fights I’d had a long time ago were cool at the time, but I couldn’t stay with it. It wasn’t me. Ice dancing was something I could get into, on the other hand.

As soon as I stopped falling down!

I observed the practise sessions of the best skater on Earth, to learn what I was supposed to do, unknown to her, of course. Not only was Surya Bonaly a damn good skater, she was also a real looker. I remained in Etheric form. The Tuatha were fast learners in this kind of thing. I didn’t have to stay long.

* * *

I didn’t leave the rink until I could do a triple axel in both directions, one after the other, not to mention an aerial, both forward and back. (I had a few hard landings in learning there.) Well, actually, I stayed beyond that. I looked at what I was doing in those mirrors. My black silk-satin tunic was perfect for the performance on the ice. I measured up to Keith’s gracefulness in the ‘arena’, and I couldn’t get enough. Revel in myself! OK! This was the way to do it. Surya Bonaly! Black beauty, which no mortal can out-perform! Ice Goddess; eat my dust!

It was nice to be capable of doing this without resting. Of course I occasionally left the ice to take care of Hesper’s wants, but other than that...I wouldn’t talk about this to the others until I got caught.

* * *

Was it beyond coincidence that when I went back to join the others, they were at it, with claymore in hand. I came in just in time to actually see Keith disarm Macha.

Did that stop her? Hell, no! She moved so fast, I couldn’t even see what happened, but Keith ended up hurled to the floor via some exotic Asian martial arts move, and she was on top of him, with a dirk at his throat. (Thank the gods for heavy throw rugs.) She cut the side of Keith’s loincloth, as he tensed and grabbed the rug.

“Hey!” I yelled. “Not now! You have a spectator!”

Macha looked at me, obviously irritated. “Donn! Where have you been?”

“I needed some time to myself. Get my head in gear, you know?”

“And you showed Hesper the benefits of the spa, I note?!”

I chuckled, “You found him in there?”

A slightly flustered looking Keith repaired the damage to his clothes, and stood up. “It was much worse than that.”

“I can only imagine.” I said.

“I’d rather you didn’t,” said Macha, “and do you know that you’ve got the most impeccable timing?”

“Discretion demands you don’t do what you were about to do in a communal area.”

“You’ve been gone so long...”

I just turned, and started walking away. “Never mind. Have fun.”

Keith and Macha looked at each other. Keith shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

* * *

OK! I’d intruded on something here that, without a damn good explanation, was beyond my intellectual comprehension, but what the hey?! More time to myself! I’d really been enjoying the solitude and introspection. Off to the garden! Perhaps Percy might show up. If not spontaneously, then with a bit of gentle persuasion! I sent Percy a picture of a feather on a string, tied to a rod, with me moving it around. I’d materialised the cat toy and was ready for him. He was with me in a few minutes. He was fairly young, and he liked to play hard.

Percy was very aggressive. He attacked the feather with the same gusto a lion would show in bringing down a wildebeest. Kyle believed in letting a cat be a cat, and she didn’t discourage him from being all that he could be. She often used her hand as a cat toy, and she had the scars and wounds to prove it. She didn’t care. She healed.

Percy was a sight to see. He could jump pretty high, and he did some complete pirouettes if I manoeuvered the toy correctly. When he tired of the play session, I could hardly tell it was the same cat. He turned into one of the best snogging buddies I could have. He’d press his weight into me as he rubbed against me, and he made these cute little trilling noises. He’d reach out for me with a front paw, and I might get petted back once in a while. He had a loud purr that you could probably hear a block away.

He’d put his paw on my hand, and extend his claws ever so slightly, so it wouldn’t hurt unless I tried to move away. He liked to rub his face against mine, and the way to relate to him was for me to act as feline as possible. Kyle did that to him. Kyle even went as far as to get down on all fours, front lower than rear, and she’d shake her rear like a cat does in pre-attack mode, and Percy would actually charge her, though he never injured her. I didn’t go that far, but I did speak the language and we had a great time, for a while. I kept Percy entertained until he decided to go home.

* * *

I had two cups of tea as I sat under a live oak in the grass. It was late afternoon, and I planned to walk the stone paths of the garden in its entirety, not yet sure if I wanted to see Keith, Keith and Macha, or go back to the ice rink afterward.

Probably I’d choose the ice. It was strangely addictive. I wondered if Keith and Macha felt the same way about their sparring matches. Then again, whenever one instigated a match, it generally meant a ‘make-out’ session afterward. To them, the swordplay was a form of foreplay. Macha really got off on it. The Morrighan was weird though. The three sisters had strange priorities, and after what I just saw what Macha did to Keith, I was eternally grateful that I was out of that scene now.

Actually, after what I just saw Macha do to Keith, I suspected that the only reason Keith defeated her that one time, was that she allowed it. I could be wrong, but I didn’t dare ask a question like that. I couldn’t challenge Macha’s honour, and if she did throw the session, I knew damn well why she did it. As only good came of it, there was no explanation needed.

* * *

When I was on the ice, I did my thing to songs playing in my head that I’d written in my past. I felt no immediate need to rig up a sound system, and have the stuff playing for real. I ice-danced in silence.

I incorporated Eastern dance moves into my routines. Thai, Javanese, Cambodian and others! My skating style was more feminine, but considering who I used as a role model, it shouldn’t come as a surprise.

I really ended up focusing strongly on my reflection. Narcissism hadn’t been my bag in the past, but now I just couldn’t help myself. I also couldn’t keep myself from turning it into a statistically, tastefully erotic show once in a while. When I heard the applause at the end of one of my dances, after I had one knee on the ice and I was reaching upward with eyes closed, I was a bit perturbed, and a little embarrassed. I’d been busted.

I looked in the mirror, and found Keith and Macha unobtrusively in the corner, giving me the thumbs-up, so to speak. The two carefully made their way across the ice. “So, this is what you’ve been up to,” said Macha.

I couldn’t say anything. I just shrugged.

“You’ve outdone me on the grace, laddie,” said Keith.

“You were my inspiration,” I confessed.

“That was beautiful! Why didn’t you tell us?” asked Macha.

“I consider it somewhat personal. I mean, it’s pretty self-indulgent, you know? Not a trait I like to flaunt.”

Macha crossed her arms. “Not to mention your sexy performance was supposed to be for your eyes only?”

“Uh...yeah. Don’t get any ideas, huh? I didn’t intend it. I just got carried away.”

“Don’t you know me any better by now? If I wanted you, you would have been mine a long time ago,” said Macha.

I looked at Keith. “I should keep that in mind.”

Keith asked, “Are you going to continue, or are you even willing if you have an audience?”

“Right now; I’d be too self-conscious to be at my best with an audience. In fact, my mood is kind of ruined.”

Keith and Macha looked at each other, and Keith smiled, shaking his head.

Macha crossed her arms, and cocked her head. With one raised eyebrow, she said to me, “I guess we’re even, then.”

She was referring, of course, to when I interrupted the end of their last sparring match. I had to laugh. “Ye gods, it’s not the same.”

Macha put her hand under my chin, and raised my head. “Oh, isn’t it?”

* * *

Macha was right. ‘Oh, isn’t it?’ I couldn’t get into it with spectators. I couldn’t bar them from the rink either. I was very restrained with my style when they were there. Oh, they still got a stunning display of acrobatics, but my overall performance was much inhibited. There were no emotions behind my ice dance routines. Neither Macha nor Keith seemed to care, though. I got complimented up the Yin Yang.

Occasionally they’d stop by, catching me unaware. They knew better than to let their presence be known by me. Oh, they could tell the difference. If they managed to get by without me catching them, more power to them. If I did catch them, my skating became more subdued.

They could have observed me unperceivable to mine eyes, yet they didn’t seem to.

I never checked for them. I wasn’t paranoid about being caught. If I noticed, I noticed. If I didn’t, I didn’t.

I was more of a mirror hugger, alone. Quite a few of my movements were more violent and jerky, along with marginally suggestive. Sometimes I would do interpretative routines to songs with lyrics that I’d written, again, only with the song playing in my head. Eventually, I worked out a choreographed routine to Kyle’s ‘Take Me.’

That would be a dance of sheer grace. It wasn’t a hard rockin’ song. It was melodic and beautiful. On my first refined rendition, I ended it with my back against the mirror and I slid to the ice. I just stayed there, not getting up. After about a minute (to my perspective of illusory time) of my sitting on the ice, I got pulled to my feet by Keith, and Macha was at his side. Both wore skates, this time. “Are you OK?” Keith asked.

I blinked. “Fine.”

Macha gently took my hand. “That last dance. Want to talk about it?”

“I had a song going through my head. I have that with all my routines.”

“Which one?”

“You haven’t heard it yet. I didn’t write it.”

Macha asked, “Kyle?”

“Hm hm.”

“Can you play it for us?”

“I suppose so. Shall we go to the couch?”

“Sure.”

* * *

Macha and Keith were snuggled up against each other at one end of the couch, and I was at the other end, acoustic guitar in hand. I did the vocals, too. I had a rather high voice. It was hard to tell me apart from Gary Weinrib, or Geddy Lee, as he’s more commonly known.

“That’s gorgeous,” said Macha, after I was done. “How long have you known it?”

“A while.”

“You’ve always shared Kyle’s work with us right when you got it. Why not this?”

I shrugged. “It just seemed so personal. It had a stronger affect on me than anything she ever did before. I also feel like I’m feeling things for her that I shouldn’t be. Feelings too strong! Too powerful. I really wish she were here.”

Macha motioned me over to her. I sent the guitar away, and took her invitation. She put an arm around me, and said, “Why don’t you go visit her dreams more?”

“Aren’t mortals supposed to be concentrating on their own Plane instead of always longing for the next? Kyle’s been doing enough of that without further encouragement from me. Thank the gods she has Kevin now, but I’m obviously still in the forefront, there.”

“Does it bother you that you’re no longer her one and only?”

I smiled and shook my head. “I’m Tuatha enough to know better. I’m also not my mother. Besides, it’s a non-issue because no one will ever come before Thanatos to me. You two also know damn well that we can’t have a traditional romantic relationship. It would be just like the way that I relate to you two.”

Macha said, “I hope she can live with that.”

“She seems to be on her way.”

“I predict it won’t be easy on her.”

“I know it won’t. Not at first. She strikes me as being pretty adaptable though.”

“Seems like you have a bit of contemplating to do.”

I snuggled against Macha. “Later.”

She caressed my hair, and materialised a cup of lychee black for me. “Here.”

I took the tea. “Thanks.”

Percy would show up shortly. Thank the gods he wasn’t in a ‘playful’ (homicidal) mood.

* * *

Time for Percy, time for Hesper, more time on the ice, then off to visit the Kylester.

Life was fairly static for Kyle and Kevin. It had gotten easier, and Kyle was doing a lot more of one of her favourite past-times. Reading. It was basically metaphysics and philosophy. Kyle bought the entire Casteneda series, and she read it carefully while taking notes. In the end, it didn’t really help her out that much, but it led her to other things that did. They had a rapidly expanding library.

Kyle was still a news junkie, and an eschatology nut. Some things never change. Time on the web rarely was more than an hour a day now. She’d cut back severely from her San Jose days. The now forty-year-old Kyle still looked twenty-something, but she was wearing down, and her energy level and motivation just weren’t what they used to be. Peace of mind was her main goal these days. That, and keeping Percy happy! The Shannon-Foster household was as pussy-whipped as mine.

Kyle was happier. It bothered me that I couldn’t talk to her, answer her questions and maybe collaborate more on our poetry, but what else is new? For me, it seemed that relationships were always rife with virtually unfulfilled, eternal longings.

I wanted to touch her. Hold her hand. Perhaps drape an arm around her shoulder. Thank her for that song that I valued so much. Couldn’t do it, though. Well, technically I could, but the consequences would have made a burning at the stake preferable.

I left her, feeling paradoxical.

Chapter 15

I paced the castle halls. They were dark and torch-lit. Nice and atmospheric. Cobbled stone and lots of tapestries, as I’d said before. Ancient was the styling. The only more ‘modern’, or should I say ‘anachronistic’ things about the castle proper is the spa and the skating rink. Granted, most of the rooms had decor from all times and cultures that appealed to me, but that was only the decor and not the structural integrity of the castle.

There was one nice thing about Tech Duinn! One could actually swim in the moat, not that I’d ever done it. I could swim, but the concept bored me.

To Kyle, it was 2002. To me, it could have been yesterday that I met her, after she had been hit by the freight train. Things would start getting really interesting on Earth in a few years. I hoped Kyle would be spared. A part of me wished I’d had the guts to check up on her future, but I just couldn’t handle it worth a whit. The economic collapse of the world was accelerating: the prisons in Kyle’s nation were overflowing, and the concentration camps were ready for the people with nothing left to lose, in the good ol’ U.S. of A.

Land of the free and home of the brave; my rear end! More like, land of the self-centred brain dead! Don’t take my standard of living away, no matter how many people have to live in abject poverty to keep it going. Let me keep wasting resources like there’s no tomorrow, no matter how many people have to die for it. Sure! Destroy entire nations, so I can pay cheap fuel prices. Well, it wasn’t going to last forever. It will take to the end of the era, but Rome, by any other name, will fall. That’s all that I can say.

The Visigoths should have done a more thorough job when they had the chance.

I’m not supposed to think like that. I’m supposed to be more detached. Ideally, anyway! The love of my life sure didn’t have feelings like that. To Thanatos, it was all just part of the learning process. Take the bad with the good, because in the end, none of it really matters. It’s like, who cares what happened in their forty-two lives when they’re free of the cycle of re-incarnation? It’s all so transient!

Tell it to someone who can revisit the same scene in time, and have easy access to instant replay to view the senseless slaughter of so many gentle folk due to the greed and lusts of those with the military might. I wish I could share Than’s detachment, but unfortunately, it couldn’t be. I could deal with each individual that met me, no problem, but with my current vast knowledge of history, I couldn’t be unaffected by the destruction of entire civilisations of the best peoples the planet had to offer.

I’ve taken folk to the Otherside from during and after the final fall. It happens before the end of the Platonic Year. I will say, 2009 will be a very hard year to survive, and it was due to get worse. A LOT worse.

It would have been logical for me to be more detached. After all, I had nothing vested in anything on Earth. I never really did. What could I want? Fame and fortune?! What would I do with something I had no use for? Even this island wasn’t really mine. Nor this castle! I was using it now, but it wouldn't be with me forever, as I said before. I built the castle, but it was borrowed real estate, until I was no longer an escort to the Other World. I surely wouldn’t remain Etheric forever. No one does. We all have to evolve some time. It just takes some of us longer.

By the way, mortals generally evolve faster than the Tuatha de Danaan. And The Dagda said I used to be mortal. I couldn’t stand it any more. The curiosity was killing me. What was I before, and why was I born to the Faerie Folk instead of simply going along the track of the majority? I couldn’t handle my future, but I was sure I could now handle my past.

* * *

Off to see the Sybil…the wonderful Sybil of…oh, never mind! I went to the same one who showed Kyle some of her future records.

I’d led three lives, and none of them had been very long, or very pleasant. A Spartan lad, killed in battle at age twenty, an Olmec lass, sacrificed atop an Aztec pyramid at sixteen, and a French lass, raped and killed by a Viking at age seventeen. Hm!!!! I found I had chosen to be born to Midir and Fuamach, so that I could serve humanity. Before I was born, I wanted to be like Thanatos, and so it was. Our relationship had existed before I became what I am now, and it was just as spiritual, and purely platonic. Thanatos would have no lovers. He had no Karmic ties to anyone, in any way shape or form. Not even to me. Our relationship had been completely unconditional, and it had existed since almost the beginning of time. And one day we would meet again!

Why didn’t I know this when we first became one? Why did he hide this one aspect of his knowledge?

I remembered my grandfather’s words. “You always got your information, when you were good and ready. We always answered your questions.”

I was ecstatic, when I went back to the castle. I hunted down Hesper, and I gave him a rubdown in the spa, with him actually in the water, via a loofah sponge.

That may have been a mistake. He loved it so much; he’d request it many times in the future.

* * *

I stayed in a somewhat manic state for a while. Of course I hit the ice, and I went wild. This time, I made sure I was free of an audience, and I checked between each session. Though it wasn’t anything worth filming, my style was a little more ‘auto-erotic’ than usual.

After six different routines, I did something a bit unusual. I stood in front of the mirror, and a strange curiosity hit me. What if I’d allowed myself to age to twenty?

I let it happen, before my eyes. I was an inch taller, not quite ten pounds heavier, and though my face was still completely unlined, it had a little more character. I removed my tunic for a moment, leaving myself in the leotard stockings, and skates. I was a bit more defined, and it was definitely an improvement.

I put the tunic back on, and again made certain I was unobserved. Still alone! Good!

When I was on the ice, I made it so I was fully affected by gravity. I was good before, but I noticed a definite improvement in strength-weight ratio, here. I couldn’t let that go. Not on the ice.

I lost the added years when I was finished. I looked too good for my own good without the added improvement, and I didn’t want to give anybody any unwanted motivations.

Unfortunately, I’d get busted sooner or later.

* * *

‘Ye gods, look at that!’ conveyed Macha wordlessly.

Keith agreed, ‘Seems like your inspiration to create me, has just surpassed me.’

‘Not quite, but I get the feeling it’s not an open invitation for anything.’

‘I know it’s not. Let’s get out of here, and pretend we didn’t notice. He still hasn’t noticed us.’

‘Good idea! From now on, when we want to watch, let’s ask; despite a slightly more subdued set of routines.’

Then they were gone.

* * *

I was working on a painting of the garden, when Macha and Keith came by. When my brush was off the canvass, Macha ruffled my hair. “You haven’t had tea with us, in forever.”

I put the brush under water. “I suppose I can take a break.”

“Can we do it on the floor of your room dedicated to Japan?” asked Macha.

“Shall we walk, or transfer?” I inquired.

“Let’s walk.”

It wasn't that far.

* * *

For more proper atmosphere, I had uncreamed green tea with roasted brown rice. Genmai cha, it was called. I’d recommend it to anyone.

We sat on mats, around the low tea table. No one sat next to each other. Macha said, “Since your new hobby, you haven’t been around much.”

“It’s more of an addiction, than a hobby, me thinks,” I said.

“Shall we ask permission to see your performances, henceforth?” she asked.

Keith hadn’t said a word.

“You never asked, before,” I said.

Macha raised her cup to me. “You didn’t used to shape shift for your sessions, before. Looking your best is obviously for your eyes only, you little twerp.”

I had to laugh. She could have called me much worse. “Would you still mollycoddle me, if I looked like that all the time?”

I got that look again, like I’d be good with a side order of garlic-mashed potatoes. “At least.”

Keith looked at her, and scowled. “Macha! I thought you were going to leave him alone?!”

I simply said, “No! I stay as is. It’s also better for my job; which I seem to be neglecting.”

“I wish you were more of a fop,” said Macha.

I tilted my head. “Not to encourage a Valkyrie, my dear.”

Keith extended a hand to me, inviting me over. I took his invitation, and I got an arm around me. I raised my cup to Macha, pressed myself against Keith, flicked my wrist, and with a deliberately affected lisp, I said, “Unless maybe you switch genders.”

I don’t know who of the three of us laughed the hardest, but all three teacups went on the table, real fast.

* * *

My job! 2009. Ye gods, what a year. The world economy has tanked, a military anarchy prevailed, and dear Mother Nature has had enough. I really had to make up for lost time, not that I had any difficult cases. Hey, it was a piece of cake. It’s just that there were so many, I lost count.

2009! Did I dare look for Kyle?

I don’t think I was ever more terrified in all my existence.

No! I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t accept any more cases, either. I went into ‘system shutdown’ mode.

Just a little while ago, I was so happy. Now, the thoughts of what may have happened to a mortal just bent me totally out of shape. Or is that, what will happen to a mortal, or...oh, I don’t know.

I went to the room dedicated to France, and just plopped down in a Louis the Sixteenth chair. I found I couldn’t even think straight. I felt as if nothing was as it even should be.

I thought back to how it all started. A fifteen-year old loon tried to kill herself. She didn’t quite succeed, and for some strange reason, she ended up with me. She couldn’t stand me when she first saw me, due to prejudices instilled by her ‘incubator’, as Kyle called her mother more often than not. Kyle then changed her mind and decided she liked me, when it became obvious I cared.

Kyle didn’t forget me. She remembered way more than she should have. She became obsessed with me. She remembered what I looked like, her Etheric adventures, my pony, Keith, and a lot more. She even remembered my neuter personality, but it didn’t suit her in her later years, and she got wrapped up in these inconvenient graphic phantasies that inspired some borderline graphic drawings of me, some damn good poetry, and an infuriatingly graphic trilogy of novellas, which she did, thankfully destroy.

Her poetry is what got me hooked on her. I just had to respond to it. I couldn’t help myself. Inspiration is like that. When it bites, it can’t be ignored.

She had tons of personality flaws, but she had even more traits that I valued. I did have to admit an ambivalence toward her, due to the fact she thought I was a hottie who she wanted to...uh...send to the Astral Plane and then some, so to speak, but barring that major nuisance of her potentially (NEVER!!!!!) finding me the ultimate sex toy, I basically loved her. On the many re-reads I’ve done, her poetry was so touching; it burned my soul. That song, ‘Take Me’, did that the first time I read it. She had the melody recorded via keyboard, but only one note at a time. She’s still not gotten back into real recording, even though she had more time now. She was quite a burnout case the last time I checked up on her.

From a pragmatic perspective, Kyle had put so much work into me, seemingly for nothing. I couldn’t ever disregard that devotion, despite how misguided it was. Even in her distasteful, insulting trilogy, her alter ego did a lot for me, and Keith, and Nyx, and our mythical companion, Seth Karnak, who had no basis in reality whatsoever. She had no idea of what we were really like, and she had the characters representing us totally indulging ourselves in types of amoral debauchery that I’d never even conceived of, much less run across. But she also had us saving people, and everyone we rescued ended up becoming like us.

Well, no one could accuse Kyle of not having an imagination.

I would have liked her quite a bit when I was a lad in Ireland. If she’d been born in Bri Leith, and if she’d been of the Tuatha de Danaan, and if I’d met her, and we’d spent enough time together, I know she would have won me over. I probably even would have forgiven her for having an eye for the ladies, as well as for me.

Oh, what was I thinking? Why did I even care? A whacked out artist who just couldn’t get over someone who cared about her when she was down.

But she was a good artist. She gave so much of her life to me.

Back to 2002!

She was still safe, with Percy and Kevin. Nothing looked like it was going to rock her boat in the near future.

* * *

I was a tad messed up. A part of me wanted to go running to my grandfather. He visited me in the dreams I had the one and only time I went to sleep, here. And in the same dream-set, I met my greatest love of all. Thanatos! I wondered if I should attempt to go to sleep again, but I didn’t really feel like it.

I closed my eyes, and smiled. Oh, to be one with Thanatos now. My ephemeral lover, who brought me such peace! Anything to touch fingertips again, only to transcend this plane and merge together as the energy-cloud formations we were. What are you doing now, my love? You, who made nothing else matter! Second generation from Chaos! The Source, by any other name!

I blinked. And Kyle was going through this same garbage over me?!

Oh, what fun. What a mess!

I actually had the power to go back in time, and do things differently. I’ve never done that. It was tempting to do that now, but at the same time, I couldn’t.

I was so confused. I needed a hug.

‘KEEEEEIIIIIIITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

* * *

Bad timing on my part! His hair was a mess, and he looked dazed. He was also dressed really weird. Blue jeans, black T-shirt, and Apache moccasin boots. “Keith?”

He looked a little strained. “Yes, Donn?”

“Were you busy?”

He shook his head. “Not...not really. No! You OK?”

I shook my head. “No!” I hesitated a long time. “2009. I just did a huge load. I couldn’t finish. I had to quit. Kyle...” I reached forward.

Keith held up his hand, telling me not to come any nearer to him. He looked to the ground. “Wait! Give me a minute.” He swallowed, closed his eyes, and threw his head back. He walked over to the classical French sofa, and sat down. He motioned me to his side.

“I’m sorry to have bothered you,” I said.

Keith looked at me, and smiled. “Don’t worry about it. You look like Hell.”

“I feel like Hell.”

“One surrogate father figure to the rescue, I guess?” he said, as he extended his arms.

I accepted the invitation, and hugged him back. “I guess.”

“What about Kyle?”

“I don’t know. I’m worried about her.”

“The one you once called a twat plug?”

“She got me pretty pissed off with that book.”

“Can you imagine what she would think if she saw you now, in my arms like this?”

“We have a pretty strange relationship, huh?” I asked, as I pressed the side of my face against Keith’s chest.

“Considering that your chronological age is quite a bit higher than mine, I’d say yes. But you’ve never lost your sensitivity. There’re also a lot of other things you haven’t lost that so many do lose in their adulthood. Your ideals, and...uh...I’m not talking about what you look like, but when you absorbed me...you’re pretty damn beautiful, you know? Your soul?”

“I am so damn sorry that I tried to rile you, those first days of ours.”

Keith laughed. “It’s OK. That was just from your little war with Macha. I can understand. She put me through a Hell of a lot more than you, kiddo. It was all worth it, now that I look back on it.”

“Will she ever completely leave me alone?”

“I don’t think so. She told me she would, and she tries, but this is Macha we’re talking about. The queen bitch, who always gets what she wants...except you.”

“She’s the woman of my worst nightmares as a potential lover. I can’t feel anything more in my own right anyway. I couldn’t enjoy her theoretical talents if I wanted to, in the state I’m in. I’ve destroyed my sensations regarding the matter. I don’t have a clue as to what happened when we had that time-overlap thing in the whirlpool.”

“You weren’t feeling your own feelings. You were feeling mostly mine, and there is nothing theoretical about Macha’s talents.”

“It was almost torture.”

“Interesting way of looking at it.”

“It took too long. It was nothing like when I used to take care of myself.”

“Let’s just say, I was a completely passive party. I had no control.”

“That explains a lot. I will never subject myself to anything like that again.”

Keith closed his eyes, and shook his head. “You are so strange in some ways.”

“Don’t you think what happened was a little perverse?”

“I thought it was just a little time continuum accident, and if I could share with you what I personally thought was quite a heavenly experience, I...I guess I just did what Kyle did to you in her writing about you, huh? Attributing to you something that wasn’t?”

“I hated myself for staying, but I would have hated myself just as much if I hadn’t. I couldn’t win. It was so weird, so novel, and from a sensualistic perspective, it felt damn good at the end, but at the same time, it was something that was sort of inadvertently imposed on me. Something I would have avoided if I’d been warned. This isn’t a subject I’m comfortable with, you know?”

Keith caressed my hair. “You know, having a carnal lover can be so damn beautiful. Ritualistic, artistic, and dignified! It doesn’t have to be like two animals rutting.”

“Can I confess something to you, Keith? Please don’t tell Macha?”

“Yes.”

“I’m not entirely opposed to the concept. In fact, I’d tolerate it for... Let’s just say I’m saving myself for someone. Let’s say I’m saving myself for something that’s never going to happen.”

Keith turned my face to his with his forefinger. “And you’re not even technically homosexual.”

I smiled. “Minor details.”

“Love knows no bounds.”

“Darn tootin’.”

Keith pushed me off his lap, stifling a laugh. “Get away from me!”

I got up, and chuckled. “Thanks. I feel better.”

Keith winked. “Glad to be of help. I’ll see if I can think of something regarding Kyle, huh? Or maybe Macha can be of assistance?”

“Great. Thank you eternally.”

Chapter 16

Macha scowled. “What can Donn do about Kyle? How about putting her on the back burner for a while, and concentrating on the here-now, instead of what is to be. Kyle ought to do the same. Both of them would be so much happier, but both of them would also tell me to go to Hell, since they seem to enjoy reveling in their own misery so much.”

“You want me to tell him that?” asked Keith.

“Sure, but I have a feeling you’ll have him in your lap again, requesting further consolation.”

“It wouldn’t be too polite to ask him to take the form of a housecat next time he does that, would it?”

“Then he’ll rag you about not spending more time as a snow leopard.”

Keith chuckled. “I don’t really mind him. I can’t begin to understand how someone can be like Donn, but I don’t object to providing a shoulder to cry on.”

“I rather envy you, your relationship with him.”

“Perhaps if you quit taunting him. You wouldn’t have him the way he is anyway. Why do you persist in antagonising the lad?”

“I don’t know if I can answer that. It’s something that I can’t seem to motivate myself to intrinsically stop. It’s like a cold lemonade in the refrigerator, on a hot summer day without air conditioning.”

“I’ve never had lemonade, I’ve never seen a refrigerator, my idea of air conditioning is that perpetual hurricane wind coming off the ocean, and what exactly is a hot summer day? Tech Duinn is generally freezing, no matter what the season.”

“Well, you know what I mean.”

“Yes! You like to drive the old boy crazy.”

Macha shrugged. “He’s done that to me often enough. I also know he’ll do it again.”

Keith shook his head. “I can’t even begin to comprehend either one of you.”

“How would you view him if he perpetually took the form which he uses to skate, where he looks more mature?”

Keith paused, and wrinkled his nose. “I don’t know. I’m sort of glad he doesn’t. I like the current role I’m playing. I mean, you never gave me the option of being a real parent; although I wish you had.”

Macha placed her forefinger under his chin, and raised his head slightly. “This is one case, where your opinion is irrelevant, my dear.”

Keith ran the back of his hand over Macha’s bare left deltoid, ever so gently. “I shouldn’t complain. Should I?”

Macha pulled him toward herself, and enveloped him in a close embrace. “No. You shouldn’t. My time of motherhood is long gone.”

Keith held her in return, and placed his cheek against hers. “Ye gods, Macha,” he whispered. “At least I’ll never have to share you. Thank you for everything.”

“Hm.” Macha unsheathed her dirk, as they sank to the ground.

* * *

I went back to work. I was psychologically capable of it again, thanks to my little session with Keith. Some light counselling can do wonders, but wasn’t that supposed to be my job? Oh, well. I never claimed I couldn’t be a wuss sometimes. I had to admit, for all the philosophers I’ve read, despite understanding everything from an intellectual perspective, putting everything into practise wasn’t so easy.

I wasn’t psychologically self-contained at all, and that makes existence a tad painful when you can never have your greatest love at your side. Thank the gods for Hesper, who was on the job with me, as usual.

Keith seemed to have it far more together, than I. He seemed to be pretty close to the perfect Buddhist. I haven’t ever seen him terribly upset about anything, and he was always so helpful. If there was something wrong; and he could fix it, he fixed it. He was always there for me. It blew me away that he was a creation of Macha. He was so unobnoxious.

On the other hand, I suspected if he were more like Macha, this castle would know no peace.

* * *

To my own perspective, my welcoming stint might have lasted several months. When I got back to Tech Duinn, I might as well have been gone a day. Macha and Keith and Percy were on the couch. Macha had a cup of tea in hand, and Percy was in Keith’s lap. Keith wore a jerkin, and leather breeches. Claw protection. I petted Percy, and ruffled Keith’s hair. “So, did you or Macha come up with anything on Kyle?”

Keith said, “Macha thinks she should be left to live her own life, for a while.”

“That answer is too sensible. It’s not something someone as irrational and emotional as me wants to hear.”

Macha laughed. “At least you’re not delusional.”

I couldn’t resist. I put my fingertips under her chin, and raised her face to me. “Perhaps not, but you seem to be on occasion.”

She ran her free hand gently over my forearm. “I only pretend to be, you frustrating little bastard.”

I slowly withdrew my hand. “So how is the lady sage of lust and war?”

“Fine. You sound like you had a good day at work.”

“I got a lot done. Can I sit between you two?” I asked.

Macha, having no cat in her lap, moved. “Most certainly.”

I nosed Percy’s forehead, and petted him again, before putting one arm around Keith, and one around Macha. Keith looked at me, with a bemused smile. I wouldn’t disappoint him. I looked at him, and said “No doubt you’re wondering what I’ll say next to rile the second most beautiful woman in existence?”

Keith chuckled, and bared his fangs in the process. “Like I’m stupid enough to comment? You’ve seen what she can do to me.”

There was a moment of silence. Macha said, “Well? Come on! I’m curious too.”

Keith wouldn’t be disappointed, although it wouldn’t be my line that would floor him. Ye gods, but did I ever deliver a good set-up. I turned to Keith. “I could flirt with the old battle-axe.”

Macha disappeared for a split second, and came back dressed as a well-armed dominatrix from Hell, her usually red hair now black. Barely dress code legal in the United States of A., she placed her curled up whip under my chin. “Don’t even go there, you damned capon.”

I almost lost it. Keith did lose it. I couldn’t come up with a retort for that one if my life depended on it. The only thing I could think of, to leave any semblance of my dignity in tact, was to disappear, come back in my slightly more mature form, although appearing from behind Macha. I gently scraped my teeth on her neck, ran my hand delicately enough across her back to start an inferno, and said, “I’ll see you later, my dear.” I high tailed it out of there, before she could reply.

Keith was doubled over, convulsing, trying to be ever so careful of the lovely Percy.

Macha said, “And of course I can’t impose on you, while you’re snogging with my competition, can I?”

After Keith was capable of talking again, he said, “Cats are born to rule.”

Macha immediately turned herself into a black leopard, and Percy was outta there, like a bat out of Hell. Macha pounced on Keith, claws retracted, and then she took her human form again, still in the dominatrix costume. “So, I see.”

“Macha?” Keith was still chuckling a bit

“Yes, Great White?”

“Will you give me a few minutes to get over what just happened? I’m na through laughin’ me bluidy heid aff, ye ken? As Kyle woulda ‘ad me phrase it. ”

Macha kissed him on the forehead. “So, who won that one, lover?”

“From a sheer verbal level, you did. Donn made such a classic exit though, I think he actually outdid you.”

Macha gave Keith a lascivious smile. “That may be true, but them thar’s a’fightin’ words.”

“I hope you don’t want me to take a sword in hand now.”

Macha slit Keith’s jerkin from neck to naval. “Hell no! I want you now.”

“Me, or the non-jailbait version of Donn?”

“Yes!”

* * *

Off to the ice, for me! I trusted Keith fully to mollify Macha, and perhaps eliminate any retribution I may face, for having done what I did to her. There’s a fine line between bravery and stupidity sometimes. In fact, I’m not sure there’s a barrier at all. I almost couldn’t believe what I did. Macha was one lady you didn’t mess with.

Well what was done was done. If I dwelled on it now, I wouldn’t be able to skate worth a damn and I really felt like I had to skate right now.

It was my sole sensuous, narcissistic pleasure. It was also artistic; my performances were beautiful, and I loved creating things. I had pages and pages of poetry and songs I wrote, dozens of my paintings covered the castle walls. This was just one more thing, though no permanent record of what I did existed.

I got off on being able ice dance with the best of them. It was like a euphoriant, landing from a triple lutz, and gliding backward all the way across the rink, from the momentum! It was also one of the few times I paid attention to what I looked like. For me, it was almost like an asexual form of autoeroticism. I got even more pleasure out of watching myself in the mirror, than I did of Keith and Macha doing a choreographed sword fight, even though I thought the both of them a bit more aesthetically pleasing than myself.

I raced to the middle of the rink and went into a fast spin. I reached up, threw my head back, bent one knee, came out of it, headed for the mirror, and went into a Balinese dance routine. When it was over, I placed my hands on the mirror and just looked at myself.

I wasn’t used to the twenty-year old facade. It’s amazing what a difference two odd years can make. It was obvious that I was related to my parents. I looked like a perfect combination of the both of them, except for my current altered obsidian eye colour. My father had eyes of vivid blue, and my mother had eyes of emerald green. I wasn’t too sure how I got my original turquoise out of that, but that’s the way it was, and I got no complaints. I liked my eyes much better now. Turquoise seemed a cold colour. I felt dark eyes looked friendlier.

My face was still as androgynous as anything. I never cared. I thought that, for the most part, women and feminine looking men were more attractive, so why complain?

I pushed myself away form the mirror, and went full speed ahead, doing a triple axel halfway across the rink, landing low, and going backward, with my rear hovering about a foot over the ice, and my left leg straight forward, parallel to the ice. I stood up, and went into a combination of ballet, and modern dance.

Being I couldn’t tire, I was on the ice for quite a while. When I finally didn’t want to do it anymore, I was relieved I had no audience. I went to the garden, and it was a very foggy night.

* * *

I beckoned Hesper, and mounted him. Going through the torch lit garden on horseback in the middle of the night was quite an experience. When you had fog so thick, you couldn’t see five feet in front of you, it was really something else. I felt so enveloped, and strangely protected. It was as if Nature has wrapped Her arms around me and was holding me gently.

I sent the Earth Mother my feelings of appreciation and good will. This was such a rare treat; I couldn’t take it for granted.

It made me wonder if I took too much for granted. Oh, I didn’t have everything I wanted. I wasn’t with Thanatos, and Percy wasn’t a full time resident of Tech Duinn. Also, Kyle and Kevin were still on Earth. I didn’t have a strong attachment to Kevin, but I did like him, and I knew it would be better if Kyle had someone to distract her from me for as long as it took her to get over what she couldn’t have.

I briefly pondered taking on a form to make Victor Hugo’s Quasimodo look like Adonis. Very briefly! It wasn’t going to happen, but I’d have to remember it would make a good threat.

The beauty of the moment was overwhelming me. I slid off Hesper, and walked to one of the garden’s fountains. I sat on it’s side, and watched the water spurt up. I was surrounded by nothing but beauty, here. The only ugliness I faced these days, was the vicarious living of the lives of the mortals I absorbed before the transfers. A good analogy for that was that it was like I was watching an unpleasant movie. I cared, but I didn’t. It was like I felt a detached empathy. I couldn’t do the job, if I got personally involved with everyone. The only one I ever did get personally involved with was Kyle, and despite the fact I couldn’t goad myself into giving her up, my tie to her was a nuisance.

The love I felt for her was different from what I felt for everyone else. She more or less fought for it with her artistic dedications, and I fell for it. If she’d forgotten me, I wouldn’t have thought twice about her. Cases come, and cases go. I don’t dwell on them. They might as well be a train fare. It also helped that she had lots of traits that I admired and, on occasion, she could be funny as hell.

The garden was freezing, but I wasn’t in a state to be aware of it. Strangely, I felt a warmth surge over me. It wasn’t entirely physical, but it was very comforting. I couldn’t quite pinpoint who or what it was coming from, but I let ‘it’ know the feeling was appreciated. I’d never know where it came from, but it sure helped me with my peace of mind. I left the garden just before dawn. I remembered to change back into my seventeen year old form before going back inside the castle.

* * *

Keith and Macha were playing chess, when I came across them. It would end in a draw. It always did. I don’t even know why they bothered playing. I still haven’t gotten over how many times Macha made me play, when she first trained me to pretend I was a warrior, and I still hated the game. Nevertheless, I sat beside them and watched until it was over. No one said anything until it was. Then Macha turned to me and asked, “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why are you like the way you are. Why did you do to me what you requested I not do to you when we first met?”

I chuckled. “Macha, it was the only thing I could think of to counter your verbal brilliance. I mean, you referred to me as a castrated rooster.”

“Aren’t you one?”

I looked her in the eyes. “What we have here, is a sovereignty issue, a commitment issue, and a ‘no, you can’t drive me crazy with your hot-slut façade’ problem with your ego. I didn’t want this out, because I didn’t want you to question why I’d go against my intrinsic nature, but I will only share myself with the one I am the most committed to, and we all know who that is. I am also under the impression that anyone sharing their schlong with you is also sharing their personal sovereignty with you, and I think that’s how it is with most people.”

“Sovereignty? Donn; you are owned by a horse! What do you care about sovereignty?”

“Can you understand why I don’t want to share myself with you? Yes, I love you, but you are a bitch. It’s your way, or no way! It’s bad enough that Hesper has a leash around my neck. I don’t want any more, and if I drive you so goddess damned crazy, why don’t you just do what I did, and kill your sex drive?”

“Perish the thought. And you would be physically intimate with someone you weren’t even attracted to in that way.”

“Only if Thanatos instigated it.”

“He won’t,” said Macha.

“Then I won’t. I know what it’s like. I’ve masturbated as a youngster in the material world. I experience every live moment of every individual in every case I take. And how can I forget what you and Keith did to me with your little time warp? It’s not the high priority it is with you. It never has been. In fact, I often considered the desires an unwanted distraction, so they are no more. Can we close the issue? Please?”

“I keep saying to myself that I will, but you seem to obsess me.”

“Why don’t you go away for a while! Why don’t you and Keith go to Tir na nOg, or something.”

“Are you exiling me?”

“No! It’s a suggestion. Just stay away from me for a while.”

Macha is too damn sharp for my own good. “Does not seeing him ease your obsession with Thanatos?”

“OK, not a good idea. Look, though! I don’t work! You couldn’t do anything with me, and I couldn’t do anything with you. I’m a castrated rooster, remember?”

“Until you change your mind.”

“Why in the name of every deity in all the Pantheons would I do that?”

Macha shook her head. “I have no answer. I guess I’ve lost my first war.”

I walked over to her, and stroked her hair. “It’s not a war. I never wanted to fight you. It’s a difference of priorities, and there appears to be no compromising our innate natures. I really do love you, but not like that. I can’t completely surrender myself to you.”

She extended her arms. She looked like she was on the verge of tears. I accepted her invitation, and ended up in her lap, in mutual embrace. “I’ll try not to antagonise you again, but if you come up with any more killer one-liners, like calling me a capon, I don’t know if I can stop myself.” I said.

She gave me a sad smile. “Is there any way I can show my appreciation of you?”

I kissed her on the forehead. “Do you have it in you to write me a poem?”

She held me closer. Her physical power became very obvious to me. “If I can come up with something good enough, I’ll share it with you. Kyle’s a hard one to measure up to.”

“Strange, for one who never loses a debate.”

“It’s not the same. I’m made for battle and conquest.”

“Which I am abhorrent to. I’m into love and the liberal arts.”

“We’re not the most compatible pair in the universe, are we?”

“No,” I agreed.

“It’s so incongruous, that you’re saying what you’re saying, and you looking like you do. Such a youngster.”

“I like the look of a slightly older version of me too. I like the added power, and how some things seem to take less effort, but unless you prove to me you can handle it, I stay like this; unless I’m on the ice.”

She put her forehead against mine. “Deal!”

I think I finally got through to her. Hopefully for more than a couple of hours! Hm! But how many times have I already come to that conclusion, to find it just wasn't so? Well, whatever.

Chapter 17

Macha and Keith were snuggled on the couch, and Percy was spread out on their laps. “What Donn said, seems to be true,” said Macha.

“I haven’t felt as though I’ve had no personal sovereignty since you let me win that one fight.”

“How do you know I let you win?”

Keith smiled. “You haven’t lost again since, and I’m a lot better with a blade now than I was then. Whenever I learn to counter your latest trick, you come up with something new. Thank you, though. It was a good ruse, and it showed how much you care about me.”

“When did you figure it out?”

“A while ago. How many times have you flattened me after I disarmed you? Yeesh, I wouldn’t dare go against you unarmed, with you still having a sword in hand.”

“And you don’t think I’m too demanding?” she asked, as she nosed Percy’s forehead.

“Considering we both want the same thing, I don’t see the point of the question. I feel rather pampered by you. Do you have any idea what an absolutely insane sexual frenzy you send me into by cutting my clothes off?”

“From the expression on your face, among other things, I’d have to say yes.”

“And you’ve always let me go in the middle of a tryst if someone called me for an urgent matter.”

“Thank the gods that doesn’t happen too often, but I think Donn’s sanity is a bit more important than something that can be easily resumed later.” Percy was purring up a storm. Macha scratched under his chin. “I love this cat.”

“The feeling seems mutual. Little black panther.”

Macha picked him up. “I’m sorry I chased you off the last time we met,” she said to the cat. “If you forgive me, I promise not to do that again.”

Percy trilled a response, and nosed her chin.

“Oh, aren’t you a sweetheart.” She cradled Percy, to make him as comfortable as possible. “You were right, Keith. Cats do rule.”

* * *

Song lyrics. ‘Together Again,’ it was called.

I’m gonna fight to be with you;

Please don’t turn me away.

Be together again real soon,

Just wait another day.

When the sky is red,

And the water’s black,

I’ll fly with you,

And won’t turn back.

Yeah!

It’s gonna be all right again;

Yeah, better than before;

And I don’t want or care about

Anything, anymore!

What I knew is gone,

What I felt is dead.

It’s over now;

Just like you said.

Yeah!

The city’s razed, and up in flame;

And I’m set up for you.

There’s not much left to me right now,

I guess I’ve paid my dues.

Yeah, the time is now!

Baby, come to me.

Let’s meet our fate,

And let’s complete,

Yeah!

What’s meant to be our destiny!

Don’t make me wait no more.

Been waitin’ too long as it is,

I’m hurtin’ to the core.

Let’s get on with it,

Let’s get outta here,

Come on babe, our

Beginning’s here!

Yeah!

I’m gonna fight to be with you;

Please don’t turn me away.

Be together again real soon,

Just wait another day.

When the sky is red,

And the water’s black,

You’ll fly with me,

And won’t turn back.

Oh, yeah!

Well, that sent me to do a check-up on Kyle real fast.

2003. No real changes in her life since my last visit. She was missing me. I hadn’t invaded a dream of hers in over a year, from her perspective, nor have I sent her any poetry. The apocalypse junkie was just muddling along as always, looking forward to meeting me. If it hadn’t been for Percy and Kevin, she might have done a few reckless things to hurry her evolution, so to speak. She wasn’t the happiest creature on Earth.

I’d have to get through to her.

* * *

Friday night, I pulled her out of body to, what would seem to her, the illusory realm of dreams. I took her to Tech Duinn. Both Keith and Macha would be there, and they dressed more conservatively than usual, with both of them in jeans, Keith in work boots and a red flannel shirt, and Macha in buckled Harley boots, and a black halter top. For Macha, that was conservative. Of course, I stayed in my standard black tunic, leotard stockings, and boots.

“So, you actually are Donn?!”

“Yup.”

“You really do look more like a Vergil.”

Grrrrrr. “Since you seem to be so fixated on that name, I guess you can keep referring to me as that.”

Kyle pointed to Macha. “Are you Macha?”

“Correct,” She pointed to Keith, “and that’s Keith, not Rhynn. He’s also my creation, and not Ishtar’s.”

Kyle smiled. “You read my books?”

“Yes, we did,” I said. “We’re also very glad you destroyed them. We’re nothing like what you wrote about. In fact, I was pretty insulted by how you portrayed me and the identity of Thanatos, though of course, all is forgiven by now.”

Macha interrupted. “I liked the stories. Then again, I wasn’t one of your characters.”

This wasn’t what Kyle was expecting. We were a bit cold toward her. It was mostly business. Kyle asked, “Is there anyone like Seth, here?”

I sat down on a chair. “No. No Seth Karnak. Nice concept, but we’re the wrong tribe. The Tuatha de Danaan are a white race. Also, if Seth were real, he’d be too evolved to remain on this island, and I don’t think the likes of him would cater to your phantasies either.”

Kyle was a bit embarrassed. “Sorry ‘bout that.”

Macha looked at me. “Go easy on her, Vergil. Have a seat, Kyle,” she said in a friendlier tone.

I crossed my arms, and my right ankle went over my left knee. “You invoked me again. You do that every time you write me a poem or a song. ‘Together Again’ kind of had me worried there for a bit.”

“And those poems from your perspective?” she asked, as she sat in another chair.

“Are mine. I sent them to you. Implanted them, so to speak. You have to understand you can’t have a relationship of that sort with me for real. The poems were just an appropriate artistic response to yours. I will confess that I have a love for you, but it’s not a romantic love. I have another, older committed relationship that precedes you anyway and it shan’t be broken by me engaging in any sort of carnal dalliance with anyone else.”

“The legends say you’re Macha’s consort.”

“Look at me! Do I look like anyone’s consort?”

Kyle scowled. “You do look a bit young.”

Macha to the rescue. “He can look like anything he wants, but he’s chosen to stop aging the day he got here. Part of trying to keep me from going after him, not that he was one hundred percent successful in nullifying my desires, but at least he’s still got his precious virginity.”

Kyle looked stunned. “And you’re the grandson of Eochaid Ollathair?!”

Wow! She pronounced the name of my grandfather correctly. ‘Yeohee Alltear’. Yes, I was impressed. “And the son of Midir. You know the story of ‘The Wooing of Etain’? And how my mother was killed? Do you have any idea on how that molded my ability to relate to anybody in a conventional sense?”

“Sorry.”

“I don’t do regular relationships. I do know about you, though. I remember like yesterday when we first met.”

“1977. Yeah. So do I. Could you have taken me under wing if I had no ambivalence toward death at the time? If I really had wanted to die, no ifs, ands, or posteriors?”

I stifled a chuckle. “No! It wouldn’t have been a good idea. It would have slowed your evolution, and I think it wouldn’t have been too good for me, either. The way things happened were the way things were supposed to go. If you finish up the life you were supposed to lead, I can take you on, along with Percy and Kevin. Maybe we can form a rock band or something, minus your wee pantherling of course.”

Kyle’s lower jaw dropped. “Are you serious?”

“I can play lute, guitar, harp, sitar, piano, flute, fiddle and recorder. Of course, it would only be for our own entertainment, since we don’t make a habit of leaving this place, but you must finish your life. Is that clear?”

“Will I remember this?”

“You will remember that I told you that you have to finish up your contract for your time on Earth, and I hope you’ll remember and come to terms with the fact I’ll never be your lover,” I told her.

Kyle looked at Macha. Absolutely gorgeous! Built to die for. Tall, not too scrawny, well defined...female weight lifter without the steroids. Beautiful face, thick, wild red mane, wide green eyes, and absolutely ravishing! Kyle figured if I was going to kick Macha out of bed, Kyle herself didn’t stand a chance. Weren’t that the truth! Kyle’s reasoning was wrong, but the conclusion was correct. She didn’t object to the matter. “I think I can do that,” she told me.

I stood up, walked over to Kyle, and kneeled before her. I took her hands. “Life’s not forever. You’ve lived most of yours. I know it’s harder than this, but statistically, you have it made.”

“Do you know when I’m going to die?”

I stood up. “I wouldn’t tell you if I did. I will tell you one thing though.”

“Yes?”

With a smile, I said, “There’s no reason for you to see Ahau Kankin for your own sake, and you won’t. People never live beyond their purpose. Not unless you have a strong desire to rebuild in the coming dawn of the New Golden Age?” I knew damn well, she knew what I was talking about. She knew all about the Mayan calendar.

The histrionic disgusted expression on her face almost floored me. “Why on Earth would I make such a stupid decision? Even if life improves, there is so much more knowledge here. Why handicap myself with a physical body? I mean I’ve come to the conclusion that choosing to live on the Physical Plane is like choosing to be a quadriplegic that fell off the ‘tard wagon, or the veggie cart, or something.”

What a cruel thing to say. I looked at Keith, and he was convulsing in silent laughter. Macha was shaking her head with a smile. I bit my lower lip in effort to control myself with some degree of success. “Kyle, has anyone ever said you have a way with words?”

“I don’t like going through my existence with a god damned blanket over my head. I wanna know the truth, you know?”

“This is Tech Duinn, not the Akashic Library, but I get your drift. I’m also sorry to say you can’t stay here yet. I have to take you back.”

“But again, how much of this will I remember?”

“How’s about I wake you up the second you get back in your body? That way, this won’t seem to be just another typical dream. It will be of the lucid variety.” I resisted the urge to kiss her on the forehead. That could wait until later, when it wouldn’t be misinterpreted.

“Thank you! All of you!” said Kyle.

The ‘dream memories’ would keep Kyle going for a while. She also did a pencil drawing of me in my tunic, in a similar pose to what my self-portrait was in. It was nice to see the visit inspired another drawing. It had been a while.

* * *

“I can see why you’re taken by her,” Macha told me.

“She does have entertainment value,” I said. “What she says and what she does also doesn’t necessarily jive. Regarding the ‘tard wagon’ comment, there were several times in her past when she gave the guardians of an outing of some intellectually disabled people a bit of money at her local shopping mall, to buy the gang some high quality cookies. She’s nowhere near as cold as she pretends to be.”

“I wish she could have stayed longer,” said Keith.

I looked to the ground. “I wish she could have stayed for good, but that’s a no-no. We can’t go around kidnapping mortals anymore. We never should have.”

“Our kind has done a lot of things we never should have. Some of us still do,” said Macha. “I’d really like to check Kyle’s future Records.”

“We’ve been through this before. If you find they aren’t to your liking, are you going to let things be yet?” I asked.

“I don’t think I can. Not now.”

“Then please don’t. It’s not our job to tear the continuum of mortal reality to shreds. Aren’t we, or I at least, trying to help get The One back together?”

Macha stretched herself. “Can we talk this over in the room dedicated to Persia? It’s more comfortable.”

“Sure,” I said. “Let’s transfer, though. That thing’s on the other side of the castle, and five stories up.”

Keith asked, “Do you have the entire building mapped out in your head?”

“I put the thing together from scratch,” I said. “Of course.”

We transferred.

* * *

Keith stretched out on the floor with his head on a pillow, and Macha lay perpendicular to him, using Keith as a pillow. I sat cross-legged beside them, on the lush carpet.

“Things have changed so much, since the day we kicked Fomorian butt,” said Macha.

“They didn’t belong on Eire either,” I said. “It seems like the Tuatha cleaned the place up for those that did belong.”

“Could one call that a case of divine intervention?” asked Keith.

I had to laugh. “Keith! You know our history. How can you possibly imply that we were divine? Ye gods, we were the ultimate party animals.”

“We?” asked Macha. “How can you say ‘we’? Since when were you a party animal?”

“Doesn’t every family have its black sheep?” I asked.

“I suppose.” said Macha. “So back to Kyle; what have you been doing, Vergil? Ignoring her until she invokes you?”

“Basically. You can also stop calling me Vergil, now.”

“Vergil Xanon! That’s a pretty cool name,” said Macha.

“Latin, of all things. A version of me that I can’t identify with,” I said. “That character was really disconcerting to me.”

“At least she got your kindly, sensitive nature right in the story,” said Macha.

“She got Keith-Rhynn down pretty good, too. Rhynn was a pretty level headed, protective character,” I said.

“She even got it that I’m a construct,” said Keith.

“You look like a construct, but I’m not going to ask how she picked up so much from you. She didn’t spend hardly any time with you,” I said. “It’s mind blowing that Kyle’s so damn sensitive in the psi-sense.”

“She’s half Teutonic. She might have Tuatha blood running through her veins,” said Macha.

“Remote possibility,” I said. “Kevin looks Tuatha.”

“Kevin’s seventy five percent Irish,” said Macha.

“And Kevin avers that his mother was a witch. She allegedly threw a mean Tarot. She wasn’t ever wrong,” I said.

“So he’s probably a distant relative of ours,” said Macha. “Weird.”

“Do you want to look up their ancestry?” I asked Macha.

“Later. I’m feeling incredibly lazy right now.”

She did look so comfortable. “Keith! You got room there to be my pillow, too?” I asked.

“Sure, but if Percy comes by, you both gotta get off.”

I lay down on the opposite of Macha, and rested my head on Keith’s abdomen. “Deal.”

Keith was still dressed like a woodsman, Macha was still dressed like a biker bitch, and me in my usual. What a sight, we were.

Percy never showed up, both Macha and Keith passed out, so I took it on myself to look up the bloodlines of Kyle and Kevin. Kevin had Tuatha ancestry, but Kyle did not. Kyle did have a little Milesian blood, from six centuries back, so she was part Celtic.

Chapter 18

Macha was no longer sarcastically flirting with me. I guess that last conversation on the matter sunk in for real this time. Dared I stop looking like a late adolescent? Sure, why not. I could always go back. I took on my twenty year old form.

Macha and Keith were in the garden, when I found the two of them sitting on the edge of one of the fountains. It was early dusk. “Mind if I join you?” I asked.

“Not at all,” said Keith. “Have I lost my part time foster kid?”

“Maybe. It depends on Red, here. Can she handle this?”

“Nice change, and yes, I can handle it,” said Macha. She shifted her position, and an arm went around Keith. “No problem.”

I had a strange feeling she wanted to say more, but held back. I didn’t go there. “OK.” I sat beside Keith. “So, what am I intruding upon?”

“You’re not intruding. We’re happy to have you,” said Keith. “We’re actually talking about what a wonderful job you did with this garden.”

“I am an artist.”

Keith looked at me. “You should either do another self portrait, or modify the one you have.”

“A modification would be easier. I don’t like doing self-portraits.”

“You couldn’t do one, with you on skates?” asked Macha. “Disheveled tunic, and maybe a shoulder bare?”

I shook my head. “No. Don’t you know me better than to ask something like that?”

“Would you mind if I tried to do that painting?” asked Macha.

“I won’t pose for it.”

She narrowed her eyes. “I have a photographic memory, and the only difference between you and Keith is colour, a few inches, and a few pounds.”

“And four or five years in apparent age,” I added.

“Not a problem.”

“Go for it. Please don’t decide to do a Kyle, and exploit me too badly.”

Macha smiled. “I’m going to try to do exactly what I said.”

“Can I watch?” I asked.

“No! I’ve never done this before, and I’d be self-conscious. And if I can’t do it, I’ll destroy it, and no one sees my failure, all right?”

“OK,” I said.

* * *

Of course, Keith was allowed to watch the progress. I wouldn’t see anything of Macha, until she was done. Back on the couch, I asked Keith, “So how goes it?”

“She’s having trouble with your face. She’s also going to have to work on the shadows, but it shows promise.”

“What’s the pose?”

“You’re down on the ice, facing right. Left leg is bent, right leg straight out behind you. You’re looking up, with mostly profiled head thrown back, mouth a little open, eyes closed, left arm reaching up, right arm bent at your side, with palm up, and fist clenched, tunic fallen off of right shoulder.”

I sighed. “Lovely.”

“I can’t tell if you’re supposed to be enraptured, or in pain.”

“It could be worse.”

“I think it’s quite tasteful.”

“I’ll take your word for it. It sounds OK.”

“I think you’ll like the finished project, if it passes muster with Macha.”

“I wonder what inspired the pose.”

“Theoretical internal conflict within you.”

I scowled. “You talked about this?”

“Hm hm. She really would like to do more for you.”

“If I like the painting, then that will be an ultimate compliment to me. That’s important. I’d appreciate it quite a bit.”

“I ought to go tell her that.”

I extended my arms. “Keith?”

He came into the embrace, and returned it. “Yes, Donn?”

“Thanks for being here.”

“I try.” He put his chin on top of my head. “Do you mind if I say something that both me and Macha agree on, that you hopefully won’t take in the wrong way?”

I pressed the side of my face against his chest. “Try me.”

“You’re painful to relate to sometimes.”

“Ye gods! To you?”

He backed away a little, and put his hand under my chin, and looked into my eyes. “I know you come running to me when you have issues, but you’re usually so distant from us, you know?”

“Keith, I love you more than anyone except Thanatos.”

“And Hesper,” he added.

“Well yes, but look at us now. Distant?”

“It’s hard to explain in words. Will you read me? All of me?”

“Here?”

“Sure.” He held me closer, and closed his eyes.

I looked into his mind, and things have changed a bit since the last time we became one. His feelings for me were stronger, and so was his degree of admiration. He saw me as distant, being I never really tried to integrate myself with him and Macha, but we were into different things, not to mention I didn’t want to become a third wheel in their relationship. There was also the fact that I spent so much ‘time’ doing my own thing. (I know! I know! There is no time, but I can’t explain myself every time I write the word. Let’s just say this is a perspective thing.)

I opened myself up to him, to wordlessly explain my views on this. I absolutely adored him; my affections for Macha were growing, but I did not want to interlope on what the two of them had. I also didn’t want to risk walking in on an intimate interlude with them (and ye gods, they had enough of those to last throughout eternity already), so I was careful where I went. We’d had way many more close calls than I’ve written of, and I found it irritating that they were perpetually so reckless, and I tried to stay on a path where I wouldn’t run into them unless I had something to discuss.

There was also a wish, with a sincerest apology attached; he wished I were a woman sometimes; not that he would have done anything with me. He just would have been more comfortable with our consolation sessions. Technically possible, and about as likely to happen as Sol and Polaris colliding tomorrow! Well, I could give him something else.

With a mental warning of what I was about to do, I took him Astral again. We lost our forms and attained the ultimate degree of intimacy of a completely shared mind, the ultimate high of the deepest shared spiritual love possible, and in the end, an energy explosion that Keith would think made the best that Macha could do for him seem like a night on a bed of nails. It was so intense, we could barely handle it!

When we got back to Tech Duinn, it was the first time that I would see Keith completely break down in tears. He was so touched by what had happened, he couldn’t maintain himself. My turn to play the consoler, in spite of feeling absolutely exhausted! Keith didn’t seem phased by the experience, as far as being wiped out by it went.

We didn’t say anything. We just knew what everything was all about.

He sat on the floor, I was on my knees, and I just held him, until he was through, also using him for support. I dried his tears with the sleeve of my tunic, and ran the back of my finger down his cheek. “Nothing’s going to change as far as my actions go, but you know the reasons.” This sentence would soon prove to be a lie, although I didn’t know that yet.

He nodded.

I kissed him on the forehead, and hugged him tighter, just as Macha came in, to say, “The painting is...what the Hell’s going on here?”

“We had an issue to straighten out, and no, we didn’t do anything terribly controversial,” I said.

She walked over to us, and kneeled by Keith. “Babe, are you OK?” she asked, as she caressed his hair.

He managed a smile, “Your cool cat got touched by a reality that was a bit more than he could keep a stoic front for.”

She turned to me. “You took him as an Astral lover again?!”

“Guilty as charged,” I replied, as I let him go, although Keith made sure our fingertips stayed locked together.

“You’re an ass sometimes, but the painting is done. It took me a hell of a long time, but it’s your spitting image, and it shouldn’t conflict with your tastes in how you like to be represented.”

“OK, let’s go see it,” I said, as I dragged myself up. Keith and Macha got up, and Keith still didn’t let go of me, but he took Macha’s hand as well. I leaned on Keith a little.

* * *

I absolutely loved the painting. I couldn’t get away from it. “Macha, this piece is absolutely hypnotic. You’re as good as I am.”

“It’s yours.”

I made Keith let go of me, and I hugged Macha. “Ye gods, this is the best material gift I’ve ever gotten from anyone.”

She was stunned, but she hugged me back. “Thank you. I hoped you’d like it.”

I looked at her. “Do you have any idea how much this means to me?”

“Of course this is an unconditional gift,” she said with a smile.

I reached up, ruffled her hair, stood on my toes, and kissed her forehead. “I never knew you could be such a sweetheart.” For some strange reason, I felt like I got a decent energy level back.

“As I’ve said before, there’s a lot you guys don’t know about me.”

I brushed her hair back from her face. “Pardon me for bringing up the subject, but this is way better than anything you could to anyone in bed, me thinks.”

She waited for a while, and then looked at Keith. “Well, Great White? Aren’t you going to defend me?”

“No! He’s right.”

Chapter 19

After all that happened, I made it a point to spend more ‘time’ (I don’t wanna hear about it.) with those two. I told them to keep their interludes to more private parts of the castle, so I wouldn’t have to think about where I was going; or what I may find there, and I told them when I planned to skate. I no longer stifled my performances for them. They also told me when they had a sparring match pending, so that worked both ways.

By being with them more, I found I wasn’t in the way at all. The intellectual exchanges between Macha and I were a bit less caustic, and Keith occasionally moaned about how he missed the two of us throwing our whacky insults at each other, but we learned to appreciate each other in different ways.

Having Macha no longer after me was a most welcome change of all. I didn’t dare ask if she’d simply come to terms with the reality of the situation, or if she just started exercising a bit of self-control. I suspected the former, since I sensed no tension between us. It wasn’t even anything I’d ask Keith.

I changed a little bit, myself. I’d eat something on occasion, these days. I’d join them for tea and scones, or Mexican-style hot chocolate with whipped cream, or an occasional bowl of vegetable stew with sourdough bread. I let the lofty Thanatos be the lofty Thanatos, and me be a slightly more hedonistic member of the Tuatha de Danaan. Only slightly, though!

* * *

The three of us had our equines out on the beach before dusk. We wanted to watch the sunset on this partly cloudy October day. I was insensate to the temperature, but Macha and Keith were being nutcases, in my opinion. At least they were dressed for the occasion, gloves included.

They’d be headed for the whirlpool after this, racing their horses madly across the bridge, through the castle gates again. Hesper might be joining them, with their luck. To my knowledge, Hesper hadn’t made up his mind yet. Would he choose them or me?

Hot tubbing was one thing I didn’t like to share with those two. It was one activity I preferred to enjoy alone, or with Hesper, who didn’t quite live exclusively for getting sponged down in the spa...yet. It’s like, give a Sidhe pony an inch, and he’ll want a parsec. They can be a lot like cats, in that regard.

The sunset was nice. Orange, pink, red and violet colours painted the sky. I was the only one who dismounted to watch it. I coddled Hesper in the process. With a bit of gentle persuasion, I figured I could talk him out of intruding on Macha and Keith. I sent Hesper a thought picture, of us snuggled on the couch. Unfortunately, he sent me one, of getting a rubdown in the spa.

“Macha, this pony wants me to service him in the whirlpool, after we get back.”

“It’s big enough for the four of us. I just want to use it to warm up. It’ll be OK.”

“Keith, do you care?” I guess I'd compromise my aversion to sharing the whirlpool with those two for the sake of my lovely master...this time.

“Not particularly. We’ve given the beastie those sponge rubdowns ourselves. I’ve never met such a harsh dictator in all my days.”

I laughed. “Not even Percy?”

“Close call,” said Macha. “But at least we assume Percy wouldn’t want a lengthy rubdown in the whirlpool.”

* * *

Macha and Keith sat together on the side in the deep end, both amused at the work I was putting into bathing Hesper. The pony’s appreciation made it all worth the while, but I did get mocked a little. Macha said to Keith, “You don’t treat me half as good as Donn treats that pony.”

“Donn, can I borrow that sponge after you two are done, so I can give Macha a rubdown?” asked Keith. He turned the tables on her, big time.

“Will she become a horse first?” I asked.

“Is that a requirement?” she asked me.

“Only if you want a rubdown from me, and that’s going to have to wait. This is work, and I don’t do two of these consecutively. I don’t know about Keith.”

“Keith, do I have to become a horse for you, too?”

“Actually, I prefer you didn’t. I have to groom Gilgamesh later, and I don’t like doing two horses in such a short time either.”

I smiled at Keith. “Sure! You can have the sponge after I’m done with Hesper.”

Macha chuckled. “I guess I bit off more than I can chew with that initial set-up.”

Keith put his arm around her. “It happens to the best of us, mi’lady.”

* * *

Kyle was intently logged on to ‘www.rense.com.’ “God damn, Kevin! Have you read the latest Sherman Skolnick story?”

“No. The last Skolnick story I read was about a month ago,” replied Kevin.

“Middle Finger News! We’re in for some deep doo-doo.”

“So, has the world come to an end yet?”

“Unfortunately, no. The gods aren’t through torturing us yet.”

“Let me see.”

"Let me read one more story first. This political mess we're in is too addictive to drop right now."

"Alright. While you get your political fix, I'm going to make myself a sandwich."

* * *

When Hesper had had enough, I actually did hand Keith the sponge and transferred out of the water, appearing fully dressed again a moment later. Hesper walked out of the water; I dried him off and we left for the garden. Keith had de-materialised the sponge before we were even out the door.

The garden was my favourite place in the castle, outside of the ice rink. I didn’t feel like skating at the moment; I just wanted some eye-candy, and the garden was the place to get it. I doubted my landscaping abilities could be surpassed. I walked with Hesper rather than riding him. It was still dark, and I sat under a weeping willow by a small pond, and Hesper lay beside me. I used the opportunity to use the pony as a backrest, and he started to scrape his teeth on my shoulder. His way of repaying me for the rubdown, I guess. It wasn’t quite the same, but it was flattering to be groomed by him, so I didn’t discourage it. The telepathic nuances I got from Hesper felt much better than his making something of a mess of my tunic. I’d replace it later.

* * *

At the break of dawn, I was still with Hesper, and I was joined by none other than Macha, who was in the form of a black leopard. I welcomed her, and wrapped myself around her. She gently put a paw on my shoulder, and rubbed her face against mine. Hesper nosed her, and she nosed him back. She lay beside me, and I stroked her sleek back, and proceeded to scratch behind her ears.

Leopards can’t purr, but if she could, I knew Macha would be purring. I ended up acting quite feline myself, rubbing myself against her in the typical housecat fashion, and such. I rubbed her under the chin, and she stretched her neck out, closing her eyes halfway. She looked positively ecstatic. I caressed the side of her face with both hands. “Cute little pussycaaaaaat.”

She suddenly backed away from me, and roared. Needless to say, I flinched.

Then without warning, a non-feline Macha stood before me, in tattered warrior’s garb, torque included. “Do you know what you just did to me?” She seemed a tad upset, from the sound of her voice.

Hm! “Cute big pussycat?”

She snarled, “I guess all I have to do to get you to make out with me, is to become a cat.”

I snarled back, and stood up. “I thought we were over that?!”

“I was watching you with Hesper. Can you only relate to animals?”

Ouch! “What brought this on? We were getting along so well?”

“You didn’t answer my question!”

I thought for a moment. Let’s see. How do I explain this? “I value physical intimacy as much as you, but you know damn well that I can’t handle what normally concludes.”

“Donn!” She stood before me, and she no longer looked like she wanted my head on a stick. “I was that leopard. Why can’t you treat me more like that when I’m like this?”

If she really liked being scratched behind the ears, and… No! I knew better than to say that. “What about Keith? What would he have to say about this?”

“Keith?!!!! Excuse me, but you do recall that a long time ago, he did once kick me out of bed because you surpassed me in what I can do with him, on the High Astral? And you had the nerve to do it again.”

“It was necessary.”

“Oh, and to find my lover crying in your arms. He’s never done that with me.”

“Me and Keith have a different relationship. It’s very sympathetic. You two have a relationship based on competition, sex, and intellectual exchanges. He does love you, he’s very grateful to you, but how unconditional is your relationship?”

“We make each other happy. We both want the same thing. I don’t think it matters.”

“My relationship with Keith is completely unconditional. We love each other, with no strings attached. We’re always there for each other when needed. I think our relationship almost rivals what I have with Thanatos.”

“How is it that you always make me face the worst aspects of myself?”

“Why did you come to me?”

“You destroyed the reason.”

“You’re so secretive. Did you come by just to yell at me for not treating you the same way when you’re in human form as when you’re in feline form?”

Macha narrowed her eyes. “In part.”

OK! That did it! “Fine! If you like, I will scratch behind your ears, and under your chin. I’ll nose the top of your head, and…”

“Vergil Xanon, do you know what you are talking to?”

Oh, why do I do this to myself? I’ve only antagonised one of the most dangerous creatures in existence. I smiled at the Red Dragoness. “The Morrighan,” I whispered. I stepped forward, and gently embraced her. I planted a kiss on her cheek, and backed off a little. It was an almost instinctive move, on my part.

Macha with as much gentleness as I showed her, put her hands on my shoulders, and ran them slowly down my arms. She then ran her finger down the centre of my chest, to my belt. She asked, “Why do you have to be so goddamn short?!” She chose to simply vanish, leaving me about as confused as I’ve ever been in my life.

* * *

Keith was reading ‘I Claudius,’ by Robert Graves, when Macha appeared before him. He closed the book, and invited her to sit by him, via an extended arm. “My dearest comrade,” he said.

She accepted his invitation, and put her arm around him. “Keith, what are your wildest phantasies?”

“I don’t have any. My reality doesn’t leave any room for them.”

“Are you serious?”

“What’s left to fantasise about?”

“What would you like now?”

He stroked her hair. “This is nice. You beside me, with an arm around me.”

“Nothing more?”

Keith smiled. “You could always talk me into that.”

Macha leaned into him. “In a little while.”

* * *

The spa was empty! Good!

At first, I just walked around the room, admiring the multi-coloured flames, and the statuary. When my clothes became too damp from the steam, I willed them away, and entered the water. I sat down, where I was hit with five different jet streams of water, and I luxuriated in it.

I really wondered what would transpire between Macha and I the next time we met. I wondered if she’d even want to talk about what had just happened. Would she discuss it with Keith? I suspected not, but the meeting had been so bizarre, that I didn’t know what to make of it. Macha was a perpetual enigma. I wasn’t sure she knew herself, what she wanted. Why come to me for anything, when she had Keith?

Keith! The eerie, exotic paragon! I really dug his red glowing eyes. It was trippy in a dark room. Beautiful, graceful, powerful, and probably the statistically sexiest creature in existence, if one was into that sort of thing. His personality sure as hell was hard to beat. Most of the time, he was so cool, and non-reactive. He was never impulsive; and thought everything through before making a move.

I thought it ironic that Macha had turned him into such a good warrior, being he had a pacifist personality. He didn’t have much of an ego, either. He never cared, that he couldn’t beat Macha at anything. He took it for granted, that it would never happen. He didn’t care that she was a woman. All her gender meant was that she was the one to bed – putting it as politely as possible. He obviously had no issues with asexual intimacy with his own gender. Having had no direct exposure to peoples’ prejudices, he was basically untainted by superfluous biases and personality flaws, and he was way too old to develop them now.

Aye, something that good couldn’t have been born. It could only have been manufactured. I chuckled at the thought. I don’t know if Keith would have appreciated it, but hey, I didn’t have to tell him.

After a while of thinking everything through, I fell into a state of meditation. I didn’t think at all. I just let whatever happened, happen. I mentally walked through a dark forest, which gave way to huge arches of Islamic architecture that seemed to go on forever. Sometimes I would walk on the stone path beneath the arches, and sometimes I would walk on top. I have no idea why my mind traveled there. It made no sense to me.

That vision evolved to me going to an immaculate white city, which seemed both ancient, and ultra modern. Nothing was dead. All the trees and flowers were perfect, like in my garden. It was beautiful, and deserted. It was like all the buildings and walkways were made of alabaster, and white marble. The sky was a brilliant blue, and though it was lit up, there was no sun. The colours were vivid beyond the physical realm of imagination.

When I came out of it, I realised I have probably never been so comfortable in all my existence.

I was so grateful to Macha, for putting this spa in here, and for decorating it so well. Too bad she was such a basket case. I’d think of some way to make it up to her. Maybe I could also make her forgive me our last contention.

* * *

When I later went to find Macha, she was with Keith on the couch, with both in 20th century clothes. Keith was in faded bellbottoms, work boots, and white T-shirt. Macha wore form-fitting jeans tucked into Apache boots, and a long sleeved, black satin shirt.

Without asking, I wiggled between the two of them, and put an arm around each. “How goes it?” I asked.

“Fine,” said both of them in unison.

I leaned myself into Macha. “I just had the time of my life in your whirlpool. Dare I ask if I can repay you for it, somehow?”

Macha looked at me, and smiled. Her right index finger went down my nose. “Would it be too forward to ask you for a backrub, one of these days?”

I looked at Keith. ‘Help!’

He smiled. ‘I’ll make an excuse to be there.’

I looked at Macha. “Same principle as what I do with Hesper?”

“What kind of a question is that?” she asked.

“I’ve never given a person a backrub.”

“I suppose so.”

Keith cocked his head. “I’m available for a practise session.”

Both Macha and I laughed.

The three of us then each had a cup of tea, and after that, Keith insisted on getting spoiled for a bit in that ‘practise session.’

* * *

The couch was too confining, so we decided on a bed. Macha was not invited. I learned what to do via thought transfer instead of verbal explanation, because it was faster; and Keith had a real motive. He informed me of what Macha likes; which was a light touch, and what he liked; the more heavy-handed therapeutic variety that really worked over the muscles. Macha didn’t like giving those, so he rarely got them; so why not make use of a more open masseur who had a slightly more ‘professional’ ‘tude on the matter?

It’s not like Keith could get sore from a workout, but it still felt good, I guess. I know getting blasted by the water jets in the spa was pretty nice.

I moved his lengthy mane out of the way, and started kneading his upper back with a moderate amount of pressure. His T-shirt slipped under me a little. “Want to get rid of the shirt?”

“Sure.” It disappeared. “Want to use a scented oil, too?”

“Don’t push it.”

He closed his eyes. “Whatever. This is great. More to the right please.”

I moved to the right a few inches, between scapula and spine. “Better?”

“Perfect. Stay there for a minute or two. Want me to reciprocate, some time?”

“Some time. I'm not in the mood now.”

“Hm. Whatever.” He went into total relaxation mode. We didn’t say anything else.

Ye gods, this was weird. The stark white skin tone, without the translucent pink quality of an albino. He might as well have been covered with correction fluid. He was really ripped, but had a medium build, and was perfectly proportioned. Like the rest of us, he had no body hair, so the flawless skin was satiny to the touch. Where his veins stood out, there was no blue tint, to be seen. If I had more of an ego, I might have been jealous; but as an artist, I simply appreciated his aesthetics. I really enjoyed going over him.

I was at it for a while, and when I let up; I noticed his breathing was very rhythmic. He didn’t react to my cessation of the rubdown. Wonderful! He actually fell asleep on me. I must have been pretty good. I was tempted to materialise a newspaper, and lightly swat him with it.

I eased myself off the bed, and stifled a chuckle.

‘Macha! Keith passed out on me. Wanna come here, get behind him, have your way with him, and not initially let him know it’s you?’

She appeared in the room, with a smile. ‘You’ve got a mean streak, my dear.’

‘The bastard fell asleep on me! How dare he?!’

‘Ooh! I can’t wait until it’s my turn.’

‘In a bit! Have fun. I don’t think I want to see this.’

‘I don’t think I want you to see this, either.’

I saluted her, and disappeared. When I was in the garden, I allowed myself a hysterical fit, imagining what Macha probably did to him, and his theoretical reaction.

* * *

I met up with them again a little later, and when Keith first saw me, he put his left arm akimbo, and sent me, ‘It’s tempting to desert you if she gets hot and bothered later...Vergil!’

I couldn’t react to the name. ‘Was it that bad?’

‘Worse. You never want Macha as a foe, I tell you. Craftiest thing alive.’

I looked at Macha, who was wearing a devious grin. “You ready for me?” she asked.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” I said.

“My room!”

Mirrors at large. “You want to watch, or something?”

“On and off, maybe.”

Me, in full uniform! Tunic, leotards and boots! OK! “I’m not going to ask.”

“You’re pretty, OK? I like looking at you,” she said.

“I thought you wanted a back rub.”

“I do.”

“Shall the three of us transfer?” I asked.

“Sure,” said Macha.

We did.

* * *

Macha had nerve. She materialised a vial of attar, gave it to me, removed her shirt, and lay down. This one was going to get the full treatment, no matter what.

I poured the whole vial on her back. Too bad it wasn’t a little colder. I started out on her, mirroring what I did to Keith. “Not so hard, dude. I’m not a mortal who just spent three hours at the gym,” she said.

I lightened my touch. “Better?”

“Percy’s better, when he decides to knead me.”

“Kyle’s liege gives you backrubs?”

“Kneading his paws on me? Oh, yeah. He’s done it a few times. It’s nice if you have a thick blanket between you and those claws.”

“I bet. So, what shall I do to improve, not that I plan on sending you into any frenzy?”

“Gentler, circular motions.”

“OK.” I followed her instructions.

“Much better. Thanks.”

Macha! Also ripped. I’d be able to beat her arm wrestling if I used two hands...I think. When she flexed, she looked as defined as a man who was in decent shape. When she was relaxed, not quite. She was classic Irish pale, with a monotone colouring. There was not one discolouration. No freckle or mole, anywhere to be found. Ye gods, she was gorgeous. She was as perfect as Keith, with a sculpted face that you couldn’t turn away from if you were seeing it for the first time. She was the ultimate in feminine macho. My opposite.

I adored her, but at the same time, there was an ambivalence I couldn’t escape. After all this time, we still fought, and picked on each other, though not as much. We were still addicted to antagonising each other. Every time I thought we were through, an instance would come up again.

I’d probably never know her, or how she worked, and that was a two-way street. I wouldn’t share myself with her mentally any more than physically. She sure as Hell didn’t let anyone into her mind. We trusted each other like a goat can trust a hungry tiger. Not at all! There was a lot of mutual admiration and respect though. On my part, there was also a degree of wariness, though on occasion, I have been known to put it on the back burner.

She periodically studied me. I was fairly expressionless, mostly concentrating on my work.

“The curiosity is driving me insane,” she said.

“About?”

“What I will never have.”

“I’d probably bore you to tears, if I was of the sorts.”

“How do you know that?”

“The theoretical emotional bond is more important to me than the theoretical physical aspect of what I will never experience.”

“What if Thanatos came for you right now?” she asked

“No one here would ever see me again.”

“Not even Hesper?” asked Keith.

“No one!”

“How would you be, if he wanted you?”

“That’s a bit personal, isn’t it?”

“It’s also completely outside the scope of reality. Will you answer it?”

“I’d do to him what I did to you to set you on fire those couple of times, though maybe it might be nice if he didn’t react like you. Mostly gentle caresses, here and there. If he wanted more, he’s have to ask me for it; there are a few things I’ll comply with or surrender to that I will not instigate,”

“But you’d revive your ability to feel everything?!”

“For the occasion, in theory. But it’s not going to happen. Besides, why do you care?”

“You drive me crazy.”

I backed away from her, and sat on the edge of the bed. “You can’t handle this.”

“I guess not.”

“It won’t happen again.”

“This was enough. Thanks.” She sat up.

I looked at her, and smiled. I crawled over to her, caressed her hair, and kissed her on the cheek. “I really thank you for that picture.”

“Your welcome.” She smiled back at me. “Now, get outta here.”

“Will do, mi’lady,” I said as I got off the bed. “You two have fun.” I transferred out of there.

Chapter 20

Off to the ice for me! Grace be damned! I was feeling a little on the hyped side, and I went wild. Axels, and aerials, and lutzes, and wild jumps and spins, and I even took a few falls. I didn’t care. I was feeling reckless, any injury could be healed instantaneously, so I drove myself to my limits in ability, going splat whenever I went beyond!

I was very glad I had no audience. What I did must have looked as klutzy as when I was first learning. Of course it looked far more impressive, but still...

I had my fun. I finally decided to end my little exercise, when I crashed into the wall. I actually broke a mirror, and although the pain and injury lasted less than a second, I figured that was enough. I could only imagine how hard Macha and Keith would be laughing if they’d seen my antics.

I fixed the mirror, and I left.

* * *

Macha and Keith were lounging in the room dedicated to ancient Egypt, and Macha’s hand was draped over a statue of Bastet. “I really considered that Donn’s little favour was a treat. In fact, I hope I can persuade him to do a repeat performance with that backrub,” said Keith.

“I don’t like his style. It will also never cease to amaze me how a male member of the Tuatha de Danaan can be like Donn.”

“Not everyone is Eochaid or Madb. You know you can’t typecast anyone. What happened to you, anyway? Wasn’t this whole thing of you wanting the unattainable a non-issue for the longest time?”

“Try a suppressed issue.”

“Maybe he should go back to looking like a seventeen year old.”

“Don’t even think about it.”

“What is it you really want from him? You love him, you respect him, you worked hard to portray him in one of the most attractive paintings in the castle, and he declares a love for you. Why can’t you get over it? Why do you persist in being so disruptive? You made me to be a surrogate for him. Aren’t I close enough?”

Macha wrinkled her nose. “You know, I’m not really sure. I don’t exactly see him as a conquest. If I didn’t love him, I think I might have destroyed him for some of the things he’s put me though.”

“How about what you put him through?”

Macha shrugged. “I think one of the main issues I have is that...uh...OK! In mine mind’s eye, if he would let me, I picture taking him into an enraptured state beyond anything ever experienced. I’d like to please him in the best way I know how, but he won’t have it, and let’s just say I find it very frustrating, to put it in polite language.”

“If you want to make him happy, leave him alone. He’s serious. I know! He’s shared himself completely with me. He’s for real. There’s no hidden internal conflict with his asexuality at all. I mean, look at what happened to him in the whirlpool with that time continuum thing. He felt exactly what you did to me, and he didn’t want it to happen again. He doesn’t find it addictive. I know you find it impossible to understand, I think he’s a bit off, but he’s really, intrinsically like that. No two ways about it.”

“He can be so demonstratively affectionate.”

Keith placed his hand behind Macha’s head. “I can say he’s a platonic lover of mine. It’s nice to have one. It’s a relationship from a completely different angle. It’s so unself-centred. It’s so damn beautiful, I almost want to cry again, just thinking about it.”

“I’ve never had anything like that.” She brought her forehead against his.

“The way you’re going, you never will. You’ll just upset him. I love him more than myself. Will you please be nice?”

“I have got to come to terms with how to resolve this within myself. This is all so strange that I am at a complete loss.”

“Try meditating. You should get into that. It does wonders. That, or leave here and ask Eochaid. He’s got a solution for everything.” They separated.

Macha caressed Keith’s arm. “I’d never live that down. I do take into consideration everything you said. It was pretty motivating.”

Keith embraced her. “Thank you.”

Macha hugged him back. “Thank you more.”

“No! Thank you more for giving me the idea to hand him a vial, the next time I want a back- rub with scented oil.”

She chuckled.

* * *

I chose to do a brief check up on Kyle, though I had no intention of letting her know I was around. December 18, 2003. It was late afternoon, and I got there just in time to listen to her blowing her nose. I swear, you probably coulda heard it in the next county, ya know? Anyway, she did have a cold, and my timing couldn’t have been better if I tried. “Damn, Kev! My nose is runnin’ so hard, you could use it to take a shower.”

That was all I needed to know.

* * *

I went to work. 2007. There was a Hell of a lot of successful suicides! It was a mess. Unemployment rampant, exorbitant debt loads, and no way out. Most of the self-destruct cases still had to be recycled, despite the theoretical hopelessness of the cases. If you make forty thousand a year, spend twice that for the sake of a false status show, you’re asking for it.

Economic collapses aren’t pretty, and this one was worse than anything in recorded history that I was aware of.

I couldn’t stand it! The curiosity was gnawing at me like a pack of rats. I went to Castro Valley, to where Kyle lived, or used to live. No Kyle, and no Kevin. The apartment complex was over half empty. The credit union Kyle used to work at was boarded up. Nothing was the same.

I didn’t feel terror. I didn’t feel ill at ease. I felt a strange peace, and a love that rivaled Keith’s, but it wasn’t from him. Everything was all right.

All the benevolent feelings disappeared the second I got back to Tech Duinn, and I like, totally freaked.

* * *

At first Keith held me, than Macha more or less took me away from him. I was too much of a mess to fight it. Macha had one arm around me, her chin was on top of my head, and she had one hand on the back of my head, in my hair. “Kyle’s not alive in the time you investigated. It was probably her sending you a message that there’s nothing to worry about.”

“How do you know that?”

She stroked my hair. “I’m a lot older than you, babe. I’ve dealt with this sort of thing.”

“Oh, gods above and below, I hope you’re right.”

She looked me in the face. “I know I’m right. I might refuse to answer you when I don’t want to tell you something, but I’m not going to lie to you. Why don’t you go, or have me go check her Records?”

I shook my head violently. “No!”

She held me close again. “Everything’s OK! Trust me!”

I held on to her, like my life depended on it. “Why did I lose the good feeling?”

“When you got back here, you came back to where you belong. You’re no longer affected by mortal thoughts from outside of here, unless they invoke you. Ease up! It’s OK! I promise.”

It was like I was four years old, crying to my mommy. That’s what I suddenly felt like, and I became a little self-conscious. I backed away from her, to put a couple of inches between us. “I’m being an idiot, aren’t I?”

“You’re showing concern for someone you love, you six timing slut.”

I was stunned by what she said, and scowled. “What?”

Macha smiled. “Thanatos, Hesper, Keith, Kyle, Percy, and me. Is that how we rank?”

Oh! A wise-assed remark! I had to smile. She was doing a good job, easing my fears, and that was probably the best thing she could have said. “Actually, you and Percy rank about the same. I love you more when he decides I’m lunch, that day.”

She kissed me on the forehead. “I love you too. Now quit your worries. It’s going to be all right. I swear by my sword.”

“You’re supposed to hold it in front of you, when you swear by your sword.”

Macha held me by the shoulders. “Meaningless ritual. Come on. Let’s we all walk to the garden, and have some tea.”

First, I threw myself against her, for one final embrace.

* * *

Of course I sat between Keith and Macha on the stone bench. I was feeling much better, and Macha was being a dreamboat. At this point in time, I was unaware of the conversation she’d had with Keith about me, but that would come soon enough. She was acting one hundred percent maternal, and zero percent seductive. I could live with that.

OK! The three of us had a strange relationship! I admit it! It usually worked, though. “I just checked up on Kyle,” I said. “So she has less than three and a half years left, from her perspective.”

Keith said, “If she knew that, she’d probably be quite happy.” Being I had a cup of tea in hand, and one arm around Macha, I couldn’t put one around Keith, but I did lean in his direction. “Three and a half years is a long time, when you’re in prison, though. That’s how she sees it.”

“Less than three and a half beats thirty or forty, by her standards,” said Keith.

“Well, I’m not going to tell her. She’ll probably start crossing days off on the calendar, and you know how much time slows down when you start doing that?” I asked.

Both of them laughed, and Keith said, “No, not really. I’m lucky enough to where time has no relevance to me whatsoever.”

“I don’t know this from personal experience, but a lot of people do that, and I’ve taken on enough cases of them,” I said.

Macha said, “This Kyle thing is starting to drive me crazy. Let’s distract ourselves with something else.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” I said. “What do you suggest?”

“How’s about we get off the island for a while. Vegetarian picnic in Tir na nOg?”

“Sure,” I said.

* * *

I met with Macha alone, later. “Can I apologise to you?” she asked me.

“For?”

“Being a clueless, self-centred, bitch.”

I chuckled. “What’s this all about?”

“I’m sorry, but I never listened to you, when you told me what you were all about. Keith had to explain it to me. You’re just so damn different from me, that I couldn’t accept that what you really are is reality.”

I got her drift. “I accept the apology.”

“I’m grateful, since for me, my love for you has always overridden my lust as well. Otherwise, I swear I would have had you.”

I shook my head. “Not in a conventional sense, mi’lady.”

“Donn, do you realise I could have forced you to feel what I felt? My desire? My desperation? You think you could have fought that off?”

“I’m glad you didn’t make me try to find out.”

She smiled. “Remember the time continuum event? You are physically incapable of feeling anything, but you felt what I put Keith through.”

I closed my eyes, and nodded. This was quite a ‘confession’. I wouldn’t have stood a chance against her. “I would have hated you if you’d done that to me. I think I have no way of doing it, but I probably would have tried to figure out a way to destroy you.”

“That’s why I didn’t do it. I thought either I’d try to gently persuade you, or bait you, but you really are dead in that respect.”

“I have been, since I came here. I wouldn’t even have had to destroy my sensations if you hadn’t deliberately triggered them with your touch. From a strictly psychological perspective, I just didn’t care anymore. I’d rather share my mind with my lover, than my physical body for sex. It’s more intense, and it’s...it’s...a...it’s like a euphoric drug. I have never been more ecstatic than the day Thanatos absorbed me and shared himself with me. There isn’t a physical sensation alive that can compare to the beauty of when Keith and I became one on the Astral, either.”

“I’ve never shared my mind with anyone. It would invite a degree of vulnerability, and I can’t have that. I guess that experience is out of my loop. I’m too much of a control freak, but everyone knows that.”

This was the first time I ever felt sorry for her, and it was pretty intense. I also never realised how much self-control she had. She loved me so much, she actually conceded to me. Macha didn’t do that for anyone. Need I bother writing a tear rolled down my face. I stepped forward, and hugged her. “Macha, I never had a clue. You have no idea how grateful I am.” She did have a reputation for taking anyone she wanted, by force. It’s been a while, though.

She embraced me back. “I may rank below Percy with you sometimes, but I love you as much as Keith.”

I unwrapped my right arm to run my index finger down her nose. “You rank over Percy. My opinion of you has just been upped a couple notches.”

Her left hand went into my hair, and she backed away to look at me. She blinked once. “You and Keith...can I have you as a platonic lover, too?”

“I don’t know if you can call me that. I snuggle with him a bit, but I do that with you. We don’t do anything that would antagonise his potential lust, not that I’m even the right gender. When I had the younger form, he had paternalistic, protective feelings for me. Since I’ve taken this form, that view has changed a bit, but our love hasn’t diminished, and our physical interactions are the same as what me and you have done...only more often. I’m sure you can understand why.”

Macha nodded. “It’s pretty obvious.” She put her forehead against mine. “Thanks for putting up with me.”

“I’m glad you’re here. I’ve been glad you’re here from the near beginning. I know we’ve had our ups and downs, but we’ve also had a lot of fun. I mean, our arguments were always enjoyed by Keith, and I must admit quite a few of your barbs were absolutely hilarious. I laughed at many, after you were out of sight.”

“You were pretty funny, yourself, though I did pay a price. If you were anyone else, I may have sent you to Tir na nOg for good for what you cost me in frustration and dignity. With the edge of my sword, you know?”

I planted a smooch on her cheek. “Aren’t you glad you didn’t?”

She kissed me on the forehead. “Very. Let’s go find Keith.”

Chapter 21

When I was alone again, I sat on the floor directly in front of the fireplace, and stared at the flames. I was reviewing the conversation I’d had with Macha, and it made me realise a few illusions I’d had about myself, and my situation here. I was never aware of how much I’d been at Macha’s mercy. She could have stripped me of everything I was. She never lost anything, unless she chose to lose. That included me. The only reason I had free will here, was that she gave it to me.

Did this bother me? Not particularly. According to Kyle’s ‘timetable’, we’ve been living together for over twenty thousand years. It made me appreciate her to a greater degree. No, I wasn’t any more afraid of her. Not after that last tête-à-tête. She explained herself, and in part due to the respect she’d shown me, my feelings for her increased immeasurably. The painting she did of me helped too.

I did feel indebted to her, though, and there was no way to alleviate the feeling. That bothered me. Internal conflict time! “Ye gods, Macha! What have you done to me?!” I asked aloud. Of course, no answer! I was just talking to myself.

A part of me wanted her here, a part of me did not. I retreated to the couch, lay back, and covered my eyes with the crook of my right arm. What I was feeling, and the intensity of it made me very uncomfortable. I knew Macha would absolve me, and say I owed her nothing, but this was a chain of my own design.

Should I write the warrior goddess a poem?

But I was so uninspired.

A painting of her?!

I already had so many hanging up, what difference would one more make?

Unless!

Oh, gods above, and below! How dare I even think of such a project, but off to my easel I went! Would I forgive myself for this?

I painted Macha in quasi-profile in her dominatrix outfit. She looked enraptured to the point of no return. I stood behind her, with one arm around her waist, and a hand on her thigh. I was in my tunic, but it was a disheveled mess that may or may not have been in place, and with eyes closed, head thrown back, and with the faintest trace of a smile that a slightly dropped lower jaw would allow; I looked pretty out of control myself.

The finished product was a high quality soft-core implication. It was an excellent piece of work, and I hated it. I never wanted to see it again. ‘Macha!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

She was with me in under a second. When she saw the painting, she looked like she went into shock. “Donn! What is this?”

“It’s yours. Please get it away form me, and make sure I’ll never see this damn thing again.”

“It’s gorgeous! It’s even better than the one I...”

“Macha! Please! Take it away. I’ll explain later.”

She picked up the painting. “I think I know what the explanation is. Be right back.” She transferred outta there, and came back sans the painting. “Now do I kiss you or slap you upside, for giving me my dream on canvass?”

“Neither. Just tell me it’s proper compensation for everything you’ve done for me.”

Macha stepped forward, and scowled. “Compensation? After your lecture on unconditional relationships?! Do you see us as a merchant-consumer relationship?”

“No, I...”

She interrupted. “I did that painting of you, since I figured it was the only way you’d let me express the love I felt for you. It wasn’t supposed to be a bargaining chip to hold over your head, you little hypocrite. And what do you do? You give me the most spellbinding, beautiful picture that could possibly exist that mocks me to no end. I’m trying to get over you, and you end up doing the most idiotic thing to me that I can think of.”

“You can destroy it.”

“Over my dead body!”

“Do you accept my apology?”

“No! Will you take me Astral?”

“All the way?” I asked.

“Home run, baby. That’s my price, if I must have one.”

I looked to the ground. Was there a reason to distrust her anymore, from what all she told me? I loved her more than ever. I opened my arms, and my mind to her. I should have waited, on the latter.

She embraced me back, and I collapsed, unable to deal with her side of the mind share. I brought her to the floor with me, and with all the willpower I had, I took us Astral.

* * *

The union with Macha was nothing like the union with Keith.

Keith was at completely peace with himself. He had no regrets. The two Astral unions I’d had with him, were sheer untainted love and beauty. Speaking in analogy, my union with Macha was everything from getting stroked all over with a peacock feather, to getting boiled in oil. The lady was in perpetual turmoil.

I experienced all her agonies, her ecstasies, her wisdom, her pain, her power, her desires, her sordid past on the battlefields, her everything.

It completely unhinged me. I lost myself in her. It’s what happens, when you do this sort of thing. The merging was comparable to being at sea in a hurricane, in only a rowboat.

Our formless selves didn’t peacefully blend and separate. Watching us would have been like watching a raging inferno.

Ye gods, I didn’t need this! I mean, there’s ‘scarred for life,’ and there’s ‘scarred for ETERNITY,’ you know?!

Yet she felt the gentlest love for me. She’d suffered quite a bit, because of me, in ways I couldn’t previously identify. But now, I was Macha, and she was I. I had no choice but to identify.

I felt like a feather in a tornado.

I’d trapped myself in a powerful wind tunnel, where the air currents changed direction every three seconds. Again, I speak in analogy, but I was a cloud in an electrical storm. I was in an orgiastic ecstasy. I was a zebra, being eaten alive by a crocodile. I was a victorious warrior, high on bloodlust. I was a cow at a slaughterhouse, being rendered while still alive. I was being torn apart, inside an out. I wanted out, but that wouldn’t happen until it was over.

I think I just learned the real meaning of the word, ‘surrender.’ I couldn’t raise a white flag, however. No way to escape. I was stuck in an earthquake that went off the Richter scale.

We were united for a long time. Way too long. When we were supposed to come apart, Macha held us glued together for an unbearable time longer, by sheer force of her will. There literally are no words in the English language to describe how traumatising the elongation of the event was.

I know this sounds incongruous, but I felt like I was going to die before Macha let the experience hit its climactic conclusion.

* * *

Thank the gods our bodies were sprawled on the floor when we left. We’d land in the same position. If I had landed standing up, I know damn well I would have crashed to the floor.

I rolled away from her, tried to brace myself on my elbows, and I was too weak to do even that. I collapsed, rolled on my back, and threw my arm over my eyes to block out any light. I really, REALLY, wanted to go to sleep. I felt positively messed up, a bit deranged and out of sorts. “Macha, I actually want you.”

“No! You can’t do that.” She was right, in more ways than one. I mean, I couldn’t even pick myself up off the floor! She continued, “We have to reintegrate ourselves completely with ourselves. If you do anything against your intrinsic nature, you’ll hate my guts for allowing you to compromise your integrity after we recover from this. You’re still with me, too.” Macha couldn’t get up, either.

`“I definitely love you as much as Keith,” I said,

“I know I no longer value him above you.”

`“And I never want to do that with you again, until you find peace of mind.”

“Cold day on a white dwarf, baby.”

“I can barely stay awake.”

“I know what you mean,” she said. “So let’s do what we require.”

“Hm.” I started to fade.

Macha dragged herself over to me, more or less managed to roll me on my side, got behind me, wrapped an arm around me, and passed out herself.

The dreams I had were nice. Peaceful. In them, Macha and I were ‘platonic’ lovers.

* * *

When Keith found us, he was a bit flabbergasted. He had no idea of what had just happened, and he sat beside us.

Of course we were both fully dressed, with everything intact. He assumed correctly that nothing ‘conventional’ had happened between us. He smiled, and said, “You guys are both so cute, but wouldn’t you be more comfortable if you were in bed?”

Macha pressed me closer to her for a second, and nosed my hair. Then she unwrapped herself from around me, and we both sat up. “It would, but we didn’t have the energy to even get off the floor, after we were done. He took me Astral.”

Keith scowled, and got between us. “You didn’t!”

“Unfortunately, we did. I wouldn’t recommend it,” I said.

“Not a repeater, huh?” asked Keith.

“I didn’t mind it,” said Macha.

“It was sheer insanity,” I said.

“Speak for yourself, Blondie,” said Macha.

I narrowed my eyes. “Name me one tornado, or class five hurricane that’s calmer than you.”

She brushed her index finger down my nose. “These compliments will get you everywhere.”

Both Keith and I laughed. Keith asked, “You’re both OK now?”

I was fully myself again, in complete control of my faculties, although I was a little out of sorts. The experience had a profound effect on me! I wasn’t quite the same, though I wasn’t sure in what way. I’d need some time to do some heavy introspection soon. “I’m fine.” I leaned forward, and put my forehead against Macha’s. ‘Thanks for making me stay true to myself,’ I sent her.

‘Like you could have done anything,’ she replied wordlessly. We both smiled at each other.

“Seems like it’s improved your relationship,” said Keith.

I closed my eyes, and nodded, with a smile. I took her hand. “Ye gods, it has. I don’t think we’ll have any more problems.”

Macha cocked her head. “So do you think I’m a more suitable companion than Etain, yet?”

“It’s a definite possibility,” I said.

She ruffled my hair. “At least I’m gaining ground.”

Keith asked, “So why are the Phantom Queen, and the son of King Midir still sitting on the floor, when there are so many more comfortable places to be seated?”

“Where do you suggest we go?” asked Macha.

“Carthage. It’s only down the hall.”

I got up, “Sure.”

* * *

We all sat in different chairs, tea in hand. The tea thing had developed a ritualistic aspect. We always had it, for our intellectual get-togethers, casual rap sessions, or whatever. “I’m afraid what happened has changed me a bit,” I said.

“Same,” said Macha. “I’ve been forced to re-prioritise a few of my outlooks and indulgences.”

Keith looked at me, waiting for me to say something. When I didn’t, he asked, “And what’s different about you?”

“I have to think about that, but all ambivalence to our lovely ruler is gone.” I said, gesturing toward Macha.

Macha objected, “Ruler? I’m not the queen of Ulster anymore. Come on! That’s for mortals.”

“My apologies,” I said.

She smiled. “No more of that, unless you want me to start calling you Prince Donn.”

I scowled. “That’s even worse than Vergil Xanon.”

“I still think the Xanon name’s attractive,” said Macha.

“I still can’t identify with what was done to me, in that set of stories.”

“You’re both sweethearts. Vergil was a very benevolent characterization of you. And you know something else?” she asked.

“What?”

“He never instigated any of the interludes, except one. The only one he wanted to seduce was the reluctant Seth, who eventually caved in, but more for spiritual reasons and a desire to screw Vergil.”

“Vergil switched genders for that. I can’t see myself as doing that.”

Macha said, “The mistaken identity thing, with Kyle thinking you were Thanatos, and how Seth was. It sort of reminds me of reality. How you long for the real Thanatos? There’s a parallel.”

“I’ve thought about that too, but I have no innate desire to take Than as a physical lover. I wouldn’t turn him down if he asked, but I’d rather not, unless it went no further than the degree of intimacy I’ve experienced with you and Keith. Gods, we've had this discussion almost about as many times as we've come to the conclusion that Macha was over me, and she regressed. Will we ever drop it?”

"Probably after you meet him again at the end of time, and after I finally get you of your own true free will without my personality affecting your desires, like how you wanted me after we came apart on the Astral."

That sounded too close to eternity for my taste. Gods, how many times have we already reviewed these topics? I smiled sardonically. Thank you so much for informing Keith of that in such a blunt fashion. Yes, when I looked at him, he seemed quite amused, and very attentive. I asked Macha, “Can you explain why I had the urge, being it was not due to a nonexistent physical desire, and since the wish to shag you is no longer with me?” A nicely vulgar way of putting it, and it was almost true.

She looked at Keith, who was struggling to maintain.

“Your way of phrasing things never ceases to amaze me,” she said to me.

"As if my way is any more provocative than yours," I said.

“Well, it’s confession time.” She said to Keith, “It was mostly my projected desires he was feeling, though some of my phantasies experienced by him first hand probably had something to do with it.”

“A little bit,” I affirmed. “However, being these are the circumstances, she’s still all yours in this regard,” I said to Keith.

“As opposed to me being a time share unit?” asked Macha, with a completely straight face.

Keith chuckled. “You guys are bad. At least your new, improved relationship hasn’t completely destroyed the sarcasm.”

“I don’t think that will ever completely die out,” said Macha. “It’s too much fun. It’s just that we’ll have to make up new reasons for it.”

I raised my cup, and finished my tea. “Much as I’d like to stay, I can’t. Hesper beckons, and I have a few things in my head to straighten out. I will see you two later.” I willed my empty cup away.

“Before you go,” asked Keith. “When are you skating again?”

“I’ll let you know, love.”

* * *

I met Hesper in the whirlpool. He was already in the water, waiting for me. I materialised a sponge, and started working on him, while we had a mental communion. I got nosed; he scraped his teeth on my still dry shoulder, and he made these adorable equine snorting noises, verbally expressing his affections for me in the only way he could. I started sponging him behind his ears, and slowly worked my way first down neck, chest and forelegs, then down his back, sides, to his hind quarters, and I’d repeat the process four or five times. Then I signaled him to get out of the water, and I dried him off.

Today, we wouldn’t go to the garden. I planned to ride him at a walk through the castle halls of the main floor. That’s where all the best tapestries and statuary were, and it was a good time for some introspection.

So, now I had Macha’s memories, and she had mine. How could I be the same as before? Two individuals couldn’t be more different, and as far as I’m concerned, she got the better of the bargain from our union. Her inner turmoil would be with me forever, though of course the trauma of it would lessen.

She had a high degree of honour. It could be equaled, but it couldn’t be surpassed. She was nowhere near as self-centred as I thought she was. Being exposed to her powerful feelings of love for me was touching, as well; though the lust gnawed on me. I think if I had repaired myself in the sensation department, I might have broken down and given myself to her. For the first time since we’ve been together, I had to put some willpower into not thinking of her as a potential lover.

Of course, I now knew all about Macha’s interludes between her and Keith. I’m not going to do to those two what Kyle did to Keith (Rhynn) and me in her stories by dwelling on their techniques. I will only say that empathy and telepathy had a good deal to do with it. They were also not so much prone to the uninhibited, reckless abandon I had thought they might indulge in, considering what Macha oft did in the pre-makeout sword-fights.

I used to have so many misconceptions about her. Now I find she’s one of the best things the Tuatha de Danaan had to offer. She also had a lot harder time when she lived on Ireland, than I ever did. Being forced to race horses on foot when about to give birth was no picnic. So ended her stint on trying out life as a housewife. She’d had way more experiences on the Physical Plane than I ever did.

I’d have to come to terms with how I saw her, now. I’d also have to come to terms with myself, my own changing viewpoints; and how uncomfortable I was with myself and those changing viewpoints!

I had to admit, existence was easier before the union. There was a lot less stuff to iron out in mine own mind.

I’d have to see Keith and Macha individually...later.

Chapter 22

I found Keith on a chair, in the room dedicated to ancient Greece, with a copy of a King/Straub book, called ‘The Talisman,’ in hand, and a cup of tea and plate of raw veggies and dip on the table beside him. The second he took note of me, he closed the book, cocked his head, and bared his fangs; with a smile that implied he knew exactly why I was here. He extended a hand, which I walked over and took. I grabbed a carrot stick with the other, and simply said, “Hi!”

“So, Donn! Did you get yourself sorted out?”

“No. I don’t know if that’s possible. I feel like all that I used to be just kind of...fell apart.” I bit off a piece of the carrot.

“What? Did you decide to give up your music, your skating, your art and consideration?”

“Uh, no!” I got the bite down. “I can’t shake off Macha all the way, you know?”

“Shall I ask?”

“I know everything about you. Sure.”

“Is she your lover, too?”

I shook my head. “Not Physically.”

“If she were, I think it would be impossible to shake her off, as you say.”

“I’m still neuter; so to speak, but it doesn’t matter.” I finished off the carrot.

“Want to get in my lap?”

“Yes, but shall I change form?”

“If you like, but you’re not that much bigger than you used to be. I don’t think you’ll crash the chair.”

I took his invitation, and he wrapped his arms around my midriff. The chair held us both. “Keith, these feelings are new to me.”

“I thought you had them when you were a teenager in Eire?”

“Sort of, but not quite, and do you know how much older I am now? Do you know how long ago that was?”

Keith put his chin over my left shoulder. “You find Macha immeasurably attractive, and you’ve come to the conclusion that you’re psychologically compatible?”

“Yes, but she’s not Thanatos.”

“Thanatos doesn’t do the Physical. I don’t see a problem. You’re not Thanatos, either.”

“I still have his memories.”

“And Macha’s memories.”

“That’s a problem,” I said.

“There’re two things you can do. You can either wait a while and see if your longings last, or you can ask her if she’ll have you.”

I pressed my cheek, against Keith’s, and imitated Percy’s scent mark behaviour. I’ve taken on so much feline behaviour, due to that cat. “I have a problem with being viewed as an intruder.”

“I’d never view you as an intruder. I exist because of you. I’ve never merged with her on the Astral. In fact, from what you’ve told me, I don’t think I could handle it. So you and I have been more intimate than Macha and I. I’ve had you both as lovers in different realms.”

“How can I want her, while being devoid of physical sensation?”

“You know there’s a hell of a lot more to it than physical sensation. The psychological caresses, with the added kick, you know?”

“And what happens when I take Kyle on. I don’t want her, but if I lose my virgin status...”

“I can’t tell you what to do. You’re always complaining about people asking others on how to live their lives, and now you’re doing the same to me.”

I chuckled. “It sounds like it would be easier for me to just go on as I have been.”

“With what you now know? Are you sure?”

I backed myself away from him, and looked into his neon eyes. “This isn’t helping me any. You’re playing Devil’s advocate, here.”

Keith closed his eyes, shook his head, and smiled. “Ye gods, Vergil! Why dinna ye gae and see Macha.”

I turned around, and hugged him. “Ye gods, Rhynn; ye’re bad.”

I got my hair ruffled, and got myself pushed out of his lap.

* * *

I found Macha in front of a mirror, practicing a solitary sword dance. Like I was going to interrupt that?

I sat there, on the floor, and watched until she finished. She was as graceful as Keith, now that her berserker act was on hold. She was absolutely stunning. Her strained, chorded muscles, so overt with her athletic moves. It was a dance with the sword as a prop to worship. A weapon to be a lover to! It was a show far more erotic than I ever put on when I was on the ice, but I always kept my performances pretty light, even when I was the only one there. Macha was a much more erotically inclined creature than I.

She was in usual battle gear. Boots, tattered jerkin, gauntlet, torque, one thick silver bracelet, and two silver asps on her upper arms! When she was done, she walked over to me. I had the pleasure of having my head raised via the tip of her sword under my chin. “What wants this errant knave, of the Phantom Queen?”

I did my best to switch to a more Scottish accent. “Tae (To) sair (serve) ye, mi’lady.”

She sheathed the sword on her back, grabbed my wrist, and pulled me up to my feet with no effort, whatsoever. “And your name, young sir?”

I smiled. “Vergil Xanon, Your Highness.”

She bowed her head, closed her eyes, and smiled. “Kalki, Chaos, Allah, Danu, Wakan Tanka, Odin, Than, and Ra.”

I got down on bent knee, and raised my right hand to her. “Dae (Do) wi’ me what ye will, mi’lady.”

“Can you?”

I simply nodded.

* * *

Macha took my hand, and we walked. Up six stories, and a half a mile through the twisted halls to her room I was led. She pulled off her gauntlet, and unstrapped her claymore. “Get on the bed, face down.”

I said nothing, and did as she instructed. She grabbed the top of my tunic, and pulled it down, baring my back. I felt a warm liquid poured between my shoulders, and the sweet scent of sandalwood filled the room. She rubbed the oil gently into me, via the technique she preferred used upon her own self. I closed my eyes, and tried to concentrate on exactly what was going on, with some success. She took a painstakingly long time, covering my shoulders, back, neck, and upper arms. I knew damn well I was being explored, and I worked my way out of the sleeves of the tunic, all the way.

She put her hand under my hair, and ran her fingers through it. “So fine, and so much of it. Just like Keith. It’s almost like petting a cat. So soft.”

“Thank my parents,” I said in almost a whisper.

She rolled me over.

I bent my right leg, clenched my teeth, and grabbed hold of the bedspread. Macha was totally without expression. She materialised another vial of sandalwood oil, and poured it on my chest. I was getting more, and more, and more uncomfortable, as time progressed. So delicate, and sensuous, were her caresses. “Will you touch my mind?” I asked.

“Later,” she said.

I reached up to her, and she narrowed her eyes with a smile. She stroked my raised arm, and guided it across my midsection. “You’re so beautiful, Donn. The most beautiful man that’s ever been born.”

“I think Keith surpasses me.”

“He was made, not born.” She ran her hand up the front of the thigh of my bent leg. It could have been worse, but I inhaled sharply, and threw my head to the side.

She caressed my cheek, and kissed it. She worked her way down my neck, to my chest, then got up and stroked my torso manually, again. She proceeded to put her hands on my left boot, and worked her way up my leotarded leg. Her breathing was noticeable, and rhythmic. I tensed all ever, and whispered, “Ayahhh”, as she ran her hand across my beltline.

“Having fun?” She asked.

“Macha! You’re torturing me!”

She lay on top of me, only resting part of her weight on me. “I love you, so much.”

I straightened my right leg, wrapped my arms around her, and pulled her full weight down onto me. “Ye gods, I love you too.”

She rolled us on our sides, and I was forced to let go of her. She bent one arm, propping herself up. She ran her other hand down my back, and over my rear. She kissed me on the nose. “In fact, I love you too much to shag you, just yet. Maybe later,” she said, just before she disappeared.

Hey, you think I would have written anything so descriptive, if anything had happened?

* * *

Not that I was expecting any sympathy, but I have never seen Keith laugh so hard in all my days, as when I told him what Macha had done to me.

“Needless to say, I am figuratively gelded again, and I think I’ll stay celibate,” I said.

“Until you change your mind.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me!”

“You think I’m going to risk that kind of abuse again?”

“I would.”

“I’m...not...you,” I said as I brushed my finger down his nose.

“OK, maybe you won’t.”

“I think I want to hit the ice. I gotta get over this. Want to watch?”

“Sure. Shall we call Macha?”

I thought about it for a few seconds. “Sure!”

* * *

I was feeling a tad irritated, and a little vindictive. Furious, really! Not too mature, either.

I stood there, legs shoulder width apart, arms outstretched to my sides. The tunic and leotards disappeared, to be replaced by a rather short, tattered, girded loincloth. Oh, I knew damn well how good I looked. And how ‘available’ I was. (NOT.)

In your dreams, Lady Macha! My performance wouldn’t be terribly suggestive, but it would show off my grace, to the hilt.

I went light on the acrobatics. I was more interested in flaunting myself, than my ability. I did two silent ice dances, and then I had it. It was about time I did what I’d been toying with.

I installed a sound system instantaneously. I did a quick sequential record check on what song would fit my current mood, and I chose ‘White Flags’, by Blue Oyster Cult. I did an interpretive dance to it, and it was directed specifically at Macha, with her almost being a prop in my performance. After I was done with that, I said, “Sorry to cut the performance short, but I have to go to work.”

I disappeared from the scene.

* * *

Macha and Keith had gone to the proverbial couch.

“Macha, why did you do that to him?” asked Keith.

“Guilt. My dearest Donn, distorted from shared memories with me. I just couldn’t bring myself to take what he used to guard with such a vehemence.”

“You didn’t have to drive him nuts like that, did you?”

“It was a last minute decision. It wasn’t premeditated. It wasn’t that easy for me, either.”

“He’s decided to give up, and stay celibate.”

“I guess then I should let him. I only have myself to blame, but I’ll try and make it up to him.”

Apparently what I’d wanted to do didn’t work. Macha wasn’t fazed in the slightest.

* * *

February 4, 2006. Fifty-two cases. Mostly suicides. Mostly recycle cases. Not a good sign.

When I went to check up on Kyle, what happened the last time, happened again. There was no Kyle, and I got that warm, fuzzy feeling, inside. The Credit Union building she used to work at on Mission Boulevard was closed, but it hadn’t been boarded up yet. Kyle’s old apartment complex was only one third empty.

I went to Kyle’s time. January 10, 2004. She was still OK. She had no clue that she’d be ‘dead’ in less than two years. I could barely control the curiosity on what would do her in, but my fear still overrode it. I had a feeling I’d break down pretty soon, but this wouldn’t be the day.

Percy was aware of me, when I came by. I materialised enough of my essence to let him feel it, when I stroked him. He stood up, and his tail went up. He also uttered a thankful “Mrrr.” I looked forward to Percy being a full time resident of Tech Duinn.

* * *

I went straight to the garden when I got back to the castle, and lo and behold, but Keith and Macha were waiting for me.

I walked over to them. “We figured you’d come here after you were done,” said Macha.

“You know me too well,” I said with a smile, and a neutral tone of voice. I was a bit less mad at her, by now.

“Will you forgive me for having changed my mind about you?” she asked.

“I’ll obviously live.”

Keith asked, “Shall I leave you two alone?”

“Please?” said Macha, before I could say the opposite.

Keith ruffled my hair. “See you later, love,” and he disappeared.

Macha patted the stone bench beside her. “I’m sorry, Donn. I just couldn’t handle the thought of taking you because of how everything happened.”

I sat beside her. “It’s OK, I guess. I’ll get over it.”

“Thanks for that last ice dance. It was beautiful. The song was nice, too.”

“Blue Oyster Cult’s a pretty good group. They have even better material. I think ‘Astronomy’ is one of the most beautiful songs I ever heard in my life.”

“Can you ice dance to that, some day?”

“Maybe next time.”

“Permission to hold you?”

I smiled at her. All ill feelings to her more or less waned to nil. I put an arm around her. “Sure.”

“It’s later. Now, can I touch your mind?” Her arm went around me.

I nodded. “Please.”

“Face me, and get in my lap.”

“Not here. I’d have to kneel. How about the grass?”

“Sure.”

We got off the bench, and positioned ourselves under a willow. We wrapped ourselves around each other, and opened our minds to each other, though to quite a lesser degree than during the Astral union.

Of course, I got the reasoning why she left me hanging during that failed session, and I had to admit, I appreciated her consideration. It wouldn’t happen again. Our relationship would stay technically platonic for now, and perhaps forever. Deep down inside, I was more comfortable with that. I mean, old habits die hard, you know?

We held each other close, as we sent our deepest feelings for each other to each other. If I’d been Keith, we would have been physically connected, but I wasn’t, so we weren’t. What did it matter? It was all so superfluous.

I closed my eyes, as I put my chin on her shoulder, and she pressed her cheek against mine. Gods, this was so much better. Enveloped in unconditional love, from one of the greatest women that ever walked. This felt better than just about anything with her.

Chapter 23

Oh, what’s wrong with humanity,

I wonder, as you stand ‘fore me.

I have never met one gentler,

Or anyone so stunning, love.

Your eyes; darker than midnight black,

Your sculptured features take me ‘back.

Your hair is hued like gold in fire;

And long, and soft! Unmarred by time.

I ask; where does the satin end,

And where do you begin, my friend?

You release all from strifesome ways;

To a world where things are better,

Yet they look to you with much fear.

This I can’t understand. I hear

That you are much disdained! I guess

That means I can have you all to

Myself.

My, Kyle! Aren’t we jumping to conclusions, and aren’t we feeling a bit selfish, today? Me? Disdained? Not quite the right word. Avoided if possible, by those who cling to life, but I was hardly scorned.

Good description of me. Do I see a backrub in our future? Like hell I’d be all yours, but for a backrub like what Macha gave me, provided it would go no further, you could borrow me, Kyle.

Yes, I checked her out. July 19, 2004. Though the world was at the beginning stages of really falling apart, she and Kevin, and Percy were still all right. They did see what was coming, and they did plan to kill themselves, if all looked hopeless. I risked losing them, if that happened. I couldn’t permit it.

Time was really running out for them.

I couldn’t stand it. I went to December 28, 2005.

They weren’t there.

I completely lost it.

* * *

I invoked Macha and Keith, and they were with me, immediately.

In a proper state of panic, I could get nothing out coherently, and Macha simply said, “Will you just shut up, and let me read you?”

“Yes!”

She took me by the shoulders, and looked into me. She then smiled, and shook her head. “Oh, Donn!” She embraced me. “No worries, babe. No problem at all.”

I held her back. “How can you say that?”

“You know our legends as well as I. Do you know how many mortals we’ve taken to our land?”

“That was such a long time ago. Can we still do that?”

“We never lost the ability,” said Macha. “There was just a problem in the distant past of our kind of folk breeding with mortal kind of folk. There were too many so-called demi-gods or Nephilim walking around, and they weren’t always nice. We got told to knock it off. That happened before the Milesian invasion, so the Tuatha were a little slow to come around, but eventually we did.”

“And you think we should defy the order?”

She kissed me on the forehead. “The three of them will come here, and they will stay with us until we are no longer as we are. There will be no offspring, and I could be wrong in the long term, but I doubt there will even be any conjugal interludes between our species. I mean, those two have each other, and they love each other as much as a pair of mortals can love each other. I think you can dissuade Kyle from getting too forward with you.”

“Ye gods, I hope so.”

“They’ll also be good for us. Our existence has gotten stagnant. We’ve been doing nothing new for so long. All we do anymore when you’re not on the job is ride, read books, talk over tea, hang in the garden, you spoiling Hesper like a king’s scion, and of course me and Keith spar and make out; but nothing innovative is happening. We might as well be on a treadmill. It’s time for a change.”

“I notice,” I said. “I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting lately and just rehashing the past in my mind.”

“And you’ve been putting it down on paper. You’ve written much for a second time. It’s time for us to move on to something else.”

I smiled, and held her tight. “So it is!”

* * *

We chose October 31, 2004, to do our ‘kidnapping.’ It was before everyone's 'contract time', but it didn't matter in this case. The lives of Kyle, Kevin, and Percy were still uneventful. We’d take them before everything would have a chance to fall apart on them. It was 7:00 PM, when we showed up. We were dressed in twentieth century clothing, all of us in jeans, various boots, and long sleeved shirts. Keith was in sunglasses, gloves, and a fishing hat, as well. The sunglasses didn’t do too much to help hide the fact that his eyes glowed, but they were better than nothing.

I knocked on the door, and Kyle answered.

“Vergil Xanon, and gang,” I said, as Kyle went into a daze of shock. Percy ran out, and into Keith’s arms.

“You actually are real?”

“Real as night and day. Can we come in for a minute?”

“Apartment’s a mess, but sure. Kevin!”

We walked in, and Macha shut the door behind her. When Kevin came out of the kitchen, his lower jaw dropped. “Uh, hi?”

“Hello, Kevin,” I said, I said with a smile. “How’s your music doing?”

“Pretty good. Would you guys like some tea?” he asked.

I shrugged, “I think it would be better to wait on that. Do you two have any idea on why we might be here?”

Kyle simply shook her head.

Macha said, “We’re here to take you home, if you want to come with us.”

I stepped forward, and took Kyle’s hand. “You’ve been living for me forever.” I looked at some of my portraits on the walls. “It’s not like I didn’t notice. We know all about you.” I looked at Kevin and said, “And you, cousin Kevin. You’re of Tuatha ancestry. We wouldn’t abandon you, or the lovely Percy.”

“We’ll be glad to come with you,” said Kyle.

Macha said, “Kevin, take my hand. What you’re going to do; is just step out the front door with your eyes closed, and sit on the walkway. Let’s do this, while there’s still no one outside.”

“OK,” said Kyle. “Let’s go for it.”

Keith, while still holding Percy, was the first one to go out the door. I guided Kyle, Macha guided Kevin, and when they opened their eyes, they found they were on the floor at Tech Duinn, in the room with the couch, and perpetually burning fireplace. I materialised another couch.

Kyle actually would maintain her feminine form, although Kevin switched to feminine, and switched to the name ‘Kevalyn'. Kyle insisted on another name change as well. She’d be as macho as ever, giving Macha a run for her money in ‘tude, but she preferred to be called either Stephanie, or Stevie. For some strange reason, we called her ‘Stevie’ most of the time. It seemed more fitting.

Conclusion

On Earth, Kyle, Kevin and Percy would be in the news as having disappeared. There was no trace of them, and their apartment door had been left open. No one ever saw us, and it would be a mystery never to be solved.

Here, Kyle-Stevie quickly adapted to calling me by my proper name, and things went along pretty smoothly. Stevie and Kevalyn did end up having to spend some time off of Tech Duinn to come to terms with what they were missing by staying with us, as opposed to going on to the faster track of evolution by following the usual course on this side of the veil, but all’s well that end’s well.

It was nice getting another couple of artists on board. My, what a portfolio we’d develop! Even Keith ended up getting into charcoal drawings, and I was glad for all the bare wall space in the castle. We’d be here for a very long time.

Of course I still missed Thanatos, but it was nowhere near as painful as it used to be. Anyway, if I was ever feeling down, Stevie could usually come up with a one liner to bring me out of it.

By now I have also found out why I felt so good when I went to check up on Kyle and Kevin, and they weren’t there. In that time frame, they were already at Tech Duinn, but I had no way of knowing that as I was.

Also, remember! This is a phantasy, and definitely NOT a prophesy!

Well, mostly a phantasy.

End of Volume One

NEXT: http://stefan665.blogspot.com/?zx=f37a7835da334a55

THE XANON CHRONICLES-I

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